All my close friends seem to be drug users
 

I've realized recently that my 'inner circle', my three closest friends are all cocaine users. I feel trapped in a cycle of using cocaine and I realize now how obvious it is that it's my social group.

I do have other friends that don't take drugs, and I know the answer is to see them instead, and try to develop relationships further there.

I just feel frustrated I guess. I've spent many years complaining of hangovers, and now it seems to be cocaine is the next problem, or at least additional problem. The hangovers don't seem so bad, but they have morphed into come downs now.

I'm 27, and I get depressed that I'm still stuck in the same old ruts, the same old friends, the same old bad decisions, the impulsivity, the same patterns. To get on top, to really live life and be happy I believe I have to be free from all drink and drugs.

I get depressed that life is passing me by. I want to have fun hobbies, and live an adventurous life. I know the real adventure exists outside of drink and drugs. Travelling the world, living your dreams and passions, becoming financial stable, playing a lot of sport, getting great at an instrument, learning a language.

I feel strongly that the time wasted drinking and taking drugs as well as the aftermath, the lack of motivation and gumption, and also the money lost is keeping me from achieving my goals in life.

I need to stand up and sieze my life. I feel as if every minute I don't face my problems as a kind of slow death of my soul.

I don't know which friends I can see on the weekends. I don't have many truly sober friends. I know I will always feel depressed when drinking and taking drugs, and further away from being happy. Just alright is not good enough, I want to feel happy.

Those people are drug buddies, not friends, at least that is what mine were. Time to get sober and create a network of sober friends. They can be in or out of AA, but there are so many more normal people than "recreational drug users" (aka drug buddies).

Cocaine anonymous might be a good place to start.

Maybe the right time to find out who your real friends are brother :grouphug:

A common theme in your posts--needing to get your life on track. So why haven't you done anything? What are your afraid of?

I think you know what the solution is, then: Stop drinking and taking drugs. :) You may need to spend less time with your drug-using friends, maybe stop spending time with them at all at least for a while. You may need to check out local support groups if you find you can't do it alone. You may need a medical treatment group (rehab). Whatever it takes.

I was addicted to cocaine for a while in my early 20's, and it was horrible. Life became a depressing pass-time until I could get high again, spend the rest of the evening chasing that initial rush, drink myself to sleep, crash all day, and then do it again the next day. Something switched, for me, and one day I understood I was on the road to jail, institutions and death (as they say) and stopped forever cold-turkey with no support. That initial rush is like nothing else, but once you get to liking it too much, it's all downhill very quickly.

Of course in theory I know what the problem is, and what the solution is. It's just, I guess that's what makes addiction so terrible. That even with logic that we should stop something, we find it hard.

It's certainly insidious. Being high on it, I feel somehow glamorous yet the day after it feels hellish, spending all my money on drugs, chatting rubbish people. the high is so far removed from the reality of your life that the come down is simply a depressing reality check.

To be honest, what holds me back to some degree at least is that I'm scared of coming out as sober. I work for a corporate company in the UK in the financial services arena. Being a non drinking man, it's like really saying I'm different to you all. It's seen as weird and unacceptable. That's always been a big battle for me. The idea of owning sobriety.

I managed to sleep 8 hours last night, yet on rising this morning I was full of anxiety, and tiredness and I've been exhausted all day long. The combo of drink and drugs is not something one or two nights sleep will solve. The bad feeling lingers.

I've looked at AA before, but never taken the leap. Yet I feel I really need a sober community if I'm going to have any success of going sober.

I got sober and got depressed about all the same stuff. You can find yourself in a pattern of always striving but never really arriving where you are or where you wanted to be at one point. IE you finally acheive some dream or goal and then its not good enough either either so your still miserable.

Learning to be content with what you have and how things are can go a long long way in being happy sober.


Now as far as drug using friends and so on. I hate to say it but I just relate to the drinking drugging crowd much better then those that dont do or have problems with such things. even before I ever had any issues really recall making good friends with some guys at a rehab facility etc... I dunno I just related to them better.

Now fast foward to my recovery days who do i get along with and realte to best? those also trying to stay sober. we get each other understand each other etc..


nothing wrong with having friends from the drugging drinking crowd but it does help a lot ot have ones that are working on staying sober vs ones that are still actively using.

what Wolfie said in spades... prayers kiddo new tomorrows start with a better today... if you want a better life .. get rid of the junk... and find out what makes your life a better place... Take a Look at the Man in Mirror .... yep..:c011:

I am so, so grateful for the network of friends I've managed to build through AA, and also a number of clubs and groups I've attended.

There are all kinds of opportunities out there - but none of them come knocking on our door. We have to go to them.

27 is young. Consider doing this when you are 49 or 50?

The time WILL come when you will look back and wish you did not worry so much about what others would think if you are in sobriety and in AA. I have been sober a year, before that 2.5 years before a 3 month relapse. I put of for years going to AA. I am now 54.

I worried what people would think about me being in AA until I went and saw that professions represented in my group included (at lease one) Doctor, Lawyer, Financial Planner, business owners and people working for all different size companies. No one cared about who I was.

When I got sober I told no one else I was 'in sobriety or an alcoholic' till I went on my annual guys golf trip, and most guys were so drunk or high they did not notice I was not drinking. The few that did, I simply told I stopped, and that I could not drink anymore. One guy was interested and I told him I could no longer drink plain and simple, and he understood. It was just not a big deal till the next year, when I simply did not fit in anymore and guys were either self conscious for their own reason that I was not drinking (and they probably had a problem with theirs) or resented that I was messing with the main reason for the 4 days each year, which was to get loaded for 4 days. The next year I told my next door neighbor who had started this outing 25 years ago why I could not go. He actually did not know I was an alcoholic (he just never opened his eyes or listened - I mean, when you get with your neighbor every Friday and Saturday night and drink, then you stop, and when asked why you say "I stopped and can't drink anymore", then DUH!!!!!). But anyway, that is the only person who I told "I am an alcoholic and can't be around those guys anymore, because last year when I drank on the trip thinking I COULD after not drinking for 2.5 years, it was hell to stop again".

So, that really was my LAST group of friends, and ya know what? I heard from NOT ONE OF THE GUYS when I did not go back.

Like one of the responders or more commented to you, you really do learn who are and are not your friends. Very few people are REAL friends.

So, get selfish, decide if you want to continue drinking and drugging or decide you want to stop and go to AA or another group, or whatever, and make a change while you are still young and can.

Yes, your life IS passing you by, and this will continue till you stop. As long as you give it lip service you will not be able to stop. Most people in AA or any other group will tell you that in order to get sober, it most always involved stopping being "friends" with those who do what you are trying to stop doing.

Also, I am not a social AA person. I don't go to make friends, and don't have anyone from my group that I do things with. I have never done the 'dinner' thing after the meetings either, it's just not my thing. Most of my social network is just customers that I see daily, definitely nothing very deep or meaningful, but that is me.

Since getting sober I have actually gotten quite comfortable being alone versus needing to be with other people. This is not me isolating, I just prefer playing tennis at the club, working, being with my wife and kids (who I am lucky to still have) and reading a lot. It was just a choice that I made and it was a gradual thing.

I'm in the exact same boat. I'm 31, and my life slowly began to revolve around drinking and doing drugs. I was a bartender and that really doesn't help any it's part of the scene mostly.

You are completely right in how you feel drinking and drugs are holding you back from the life you want to be living, never doubt that because it's the truth. The things you want to achieve are on the other side of this.
You know that which is amazing! Now you have to decide how badly you want to change it. How badly you miss the joy of life, feeling fulfilled, feeling proud of yourself, and generally just feeling positively good?

It may take time, it's taken me a while to make the sober commitment (and I'm not speaking from expertise on sobriety only on the ****** drunken life I've lived up until now) but you have made the first step. Realizing it for what it is. Keep thinking about that, keep reflecting. Try going sober for a few weeks at a time and remark how you feel. It may help push you forward in your evolution away from all the destructiveness.

I truly wish you well, we are on the same path!!

George,

I had a brief fling with Mr. Cocaine in my early thirties. There is nothing glamorous about him.

You end with a couple of users, doing lines and trying to find the thrill again. You sit around gnashing your teeth and desparately trying to find something to talk about but you are all talked out. Time to drink to come down. Then time for lines to get up. Yada yada blah blah. And so it goes.

So, treading lightly here, yes your friends are cocaine users/abusers. I don't think that's news to you. Walk away now.

I realized with my company that it's actually pretty easy to avoid nights out. You just say you are busy playing sport in the evening and that's that. The bigger events are the harder ones.

I recently met a woman who doesn't drink, and perhaps that awakened my soul again to the possibility of being sober. I'm certain all the things I've struggled with, like not having fulfilling weekends, not having more importantly a fulfilling life and career, bad money management , not being able to stick to hobbies, tiredness, low moods, poor work performance, not being able to keep my flat clean and finding it hard to stay on top of things..all of this would be improved by being sober.

I've had sober stretches before and I noticed the difference. The idea of life revolving around getting drunk and high each weekend is quite scary, and it feels like I have been heading that way recently. Even if it doesn't kill me, it reduces the quality of my life day to day, week to week.

I want to plan my weekends so I have fun things to do like sport, maybe other hobbies, perhaps an afternoon course. I always find Saturday evening is difficult. There is that black hole there when I'm alone in my flat, and I think that's another thing. That if im really going to do this, I need to learn to enjoy spending time by myself.

yeah idle hands are the devils playground :).

i read in a book a guy went to a party no one was talking to him and there was nothing he was interested in so he sat alone the host came over and asked him if he was enjoying himself he replied its the only thing he's enjoying about this party.

once you get some fo the saturdays under your belt sober you start to figure out a new routine etc... I think that is one of the most beneficial thing about sober time is you overcome all these various situations you otherwise would have drank or drugged. Look at it as a fun challenge etc..

I found it kind of hard getting started on the hobbies etc because since leaving school I'd just done the same old getting off my face at weekends thing and sulking all week because it wasn't the weekend and I couldn't get off my face lol. Anyway. I looked at notice boards etc to see what possible things I could do. I also looked back to before I started drinking etc (to childhood) and tried to remember what I enjoyed back then. I've done creative writing groups, reading groups, dance classes, choirs, bell ringing (not good), sewing, volunteering, climbing, running club, all sorts. If you try it and don't like it, no one's going to force you to stick with it.

I think you are on the right track! Be patient with yourself too. Getting this down will take time and forming new habits will too.

I'm telling this to myself as well haha

I think that's a very important realization, and yes - we need to learn to be comfortable with ourselves in general. When you really think about it, that's kind of the whole crux of addiction - we drink because we are uncomfortable - either with a situation, a person or a feeling - but it all originates within us. We want the feeling to "go away" rather than dealing with it head on. It's not easy at first, but over time you can develop tools to help you face and take responsibility for the things we are confronted with.

And that's where having a "plan" becomes even more important. Filling your day with activities can be PART of a plan, but it's not a plan in itself, right?