steve-in-kville

A co-worker and I got talking about this... he's a recovered drug addict. How do you let those around you know you've sobered up, but low key?

He said he started posting sobriety memes on his Facebook page. People starting congratulating and encouraging him! And he just did it without thinking... he simply shared someones else post. Word got around that way.

Thoughts on this? Open for a friendly discuusion.

ScottFromWI

You have no obligation to share anything about your sobrierty with anyone. Some people choose to, others keep it to themselves. My immediate family knows but that's about it. Remember that there can also be a stigma associated with addiction, even for those in recovery. I personally choose to stay away from social media completely, too much gossip for me.

August252015

I, too, would never post that kind of stuff on FB etc.

I tell people in different ways and times. I also don't mention it at all, to others. My bosses at work know- I told them my story when I asked for my job back- and that is all that matters, work-wise. To others at work (I work in a restaurant), some of whom knew I was a big drinking but might not have really known I was a severe alcoholic, I just say a simple "oh, I stopped" or "I don't do that anymore" and move on. If someone ends up wanting to have a conversation- I will take each of those scenarios as they come up, mainly because it could perhaps be a chance to be of service to someone else.

My friends who didn't know there was a problem have been 100% supportive. I don't keep ANYONE in my life who isn't. My AA group(s), sponsor, boyfriend and parents, are for the in depth discussions of my alcoholism and recovery. It is only anyone else's business when I choose to share with them.

Bottom line, I don't advertise, I include. AA also talks about anonymity at the level of press, radio and film and why this would include online communication. Using the AA name, for example, by posting memes of a 60 day chip would violate this. you are tying yourself publicly as an example of AA that could convey non-AA messages to others in various ways.

FBL

I don't advertise it either. Most of my friends and family know but they rarely bring it up. If they do, I have no problem discussing it. Most of them are just happy that I quit when I did. I really believe I'd be dead by now if I hadn't stopped.

tomsteve

if i broadcasted to the world early on that i got sober it would have been met with a very loud, in sync," yeah,right" from everyone.

i showed the people around me with my actions.

August252015

^To tomsteve's point, that is one of the reasons AA discourages the kind of "advertisement" we can now do on so many public forums. If you do fall, you represent that AA doesn't work (some people's possible takes); if you succeed, people don't necessarily "Get" the program. Etc.

steve-in-kville

Very interesting replies and perspectives! Thanks. I can appreciate the value in letting our actions speak louder than our words.

EndGameNYC

Wow. Lots of reasons not to ring the bell after getting sober. Early on, it can be too much pressure in the sense that we're changing (or, worse, attempting to change) people's perceptions or experiences of who we are. In this way, we may also raise both others' and our own expectations around who we now are as a self-proclaimed sober individual.

Would I also let people know that I'm no longer a pathological liar, that I've stopped shirking major responsibilities in order to drink or that I've ceased driving when I'm drunk? That I've stopped sneaking around and stopped making poor excuses for my bad behavior?

It's not really about the drinking; it's about how I behaved while I was drinking, including the times when I wasn't actually drunk. I made myself reliably untrustworthy, and my company was universally unwanted. I said things I couldn't take back, and did things that left wounds that no amount of amends could fully heal. We cannot unhurt people, no matter what we say or do. Sobriety, for me, has been its own reward, and I don't need to be congratulated for cleaning up what I say and what I do. Also its own reward. (And I'm not suggesting that any of these things are what motivates you,)

I had no desire to tell anyone that I'd stopped drinking when I first got sober, and in the almost five years since I put down the drink, I have yet to encounter an experience in which it would have been helpful for me to do so. Even though I don't often know it, I influence people by what I do, and not by what I say.

Finally, the people who I've admired most in life are generally those who shine quietly, avoiding the well-deserved spotlight, and accepting life as it comes, rather than attempting to change it based on their own fears.

JeffreyAK

People have different perspectives on this. I guess there's a desire to broadcast something you're proud and happy about, but tempered by the reality that most people will never "get" addiction. They absolutely will never "get" relapse - "WHAT, after all you went through, you're going back to drinking/drugging, what is wrong with you???"

My friends and family know the story and status, but for the most part no one else does. If drinking comes up as a topic, like for a post-work bar trip, I'll go if I feel like yakking but I'll make it clear up-front that I don't drink. Many people don't drink, so it's not a big deal, and very few people have ever inquired as to why I don't drink. If they do, I might go as far as, "I already went through my lifetime quota of alcohol, no more for me", but not into details unless I sense they do understand addiction.

Once you broadcast something like that, you can never take it back, and you can't control how people will react or change their opinion of you, for the better or worse. To me, better to maintain some control by only discussing it with carefully selected people, and otherwise keep it as a personal matter.

steve-in-kville

^^^ Excellent post!

KAD

When I first got sober, I wanted everyone to know. I actually made a point of showing up in public places so people could see for themselves that I was sober. I felt so ashamed and remorseful, I was blabbing my personal business to anyone who would listen. After I reached my first year of sobriety, I was taken aback by the lukewarm reactions from people outside of AA and SR. I then began to regret telling so many people about it. I don't think they're unsupportive, for the most part, I just think they don't understand addiction or how recovery could occupy so much of my time and energy. So, I've learned to just not volunteer any information until/unless I'm asked and, even then, to be more discreet about just how much information I share and with whom.

Dave42001

Lots of reasons for not rigging the bell! I really liked that, thank you!

Interesting topic!! I have to remind myself everyday where I came from.. I never want to get too complacent about my recovery.. Good stuff!

least

The only people who know I got sober are my immediate family and my shrink. I would never put it on social media as employers could use it against you.

steve-in-kville

Opinions on the one I just added to my avatar?? Pretty vague, actually.

But I guess it still tells everyone you once had a problem!!

tomsteve

my first sponsor had a job interview with a prominent company in northern michigan- a job he was well qualified for and was 15 years sober.
the company narrowed down the choices to him and one other person. in a follow up interview, he was asked," what was the hardest thing you have ever done in your life?"
he replied," getting sober."
did they pass him up for the other person because of that reply? hard to say, but knowledge of a past drinking problem can throw red flags for an employer. most have dealt with relapses and the problems they create for a company.

JD

I can't remember telling anyone that I got sober, including my wife. I just show it by not drinking. I wasn't fooling anyone that I had a problem and they see the difference. And tomorrow marks my 11 month.

KAD

I tend to think our presence here at SR pretty much already assumes we have an alcohol/drug problem, so I trust that what I share here is safe. We are among friends. My avatar is obviously a one year medallion from AA. I would never use that as an avatar on a general social media site like Facebook, though, nor do I post, or respond to, anything there pertaining to addiction or recovery.

Soberwolf

This

KAD

As a sidebar question, would SR be considered social media? My ex-girlfriend used to jokingly call it "Facebook for drunks." Of course, it's not as widespread as FB, Twitter, Instagram, etc. and allows for much more anonymity but, as we all should know, there really is little privacy in cyberspace.

zjw

I honestly wanna be more vocal about it. I'm proud of my accomplishment. And for those that have sorta issue with my past history of drinking I'd like to screw them etc..

But the reality is for now I'm on the sidelines now sure I'm ready to throw it out there etc. deep down I feel I should it could be beneficial for many but would it hold me back? I dunno.