JesseJe

I've been on the quitting alcohol journey for a few years now.. On again off again, 30 days here, a week there. All I've noticed is that my boozing habits have become more extreme and more destructive, so on my latest 30 day break, I am seriously considering quitting forever.

I am scared to death about it. Maybe I'm scared of the person I could become if I finally actually embraced her instead of drowning her out with alcohol. Maybe I'm scared of being alone, or scared of happiness. Who knows. Regardless I know I'm scared.

During all my searching and worrying I stumbled on this piece written by what must be my soul sister. Every word of hers was mine. Her thoughts and her struggles, her dreams and her worries, the same. When I saw her before picture I thought wow, she looks rough, when I saw her after picture I burst into tears.

She looked like herself. She looked full of life, beaming with energy and inner power. She carried within what I am desperately drowning out.

I wanted to share this here, in the hopes it may help someone else struggling with alcohol. In the hope that it may help someone else find their light, or at least stay on the path towards it.

19 Awesome Ways My Life Changed In 19 Sober Months. ? HIP SOBRIETY

Stay strong everyone

With gratitude,

Jesse

awuh1

Hi Jesse, you seem to have a good heart and you also have good things to share. Even though you are struggling to stay sober (long term) you can see the value of helping others. You demonstrated that by sharing that webpage. In my view you see something in it that's already inside of you. You have your own light to share. Don't hide your lantern under a bushel.

Fear is almost always present in the beginning stages of a persons sobriety. Everyone has a certain amount of it. The future is unknown.

In my experience it's best to replace that fear with purpose.

All the best to you.

Redmayne

I identify with the content of this thread in many ways, perhaps not least because despite a constant battle with alcohol I couldn't understand why I couldn't stop drinking...

Then at a point when, like many others, I got 'sick and tired of being sick and tired' a guy who knew I'd been struggling for years. Handed me a recently recorded copy of one of 'Charlie & Joe's:Big Book Study Meetings'..

I cleared myself of all commitments and sat down with my copy f 'Alcoholics Anonymous' and over a weekend worked my way simultaneously through both. Making notes, highlighting and underscoring in my book, those parts of what Charlie Parmley and Joe McQuany had to say, which I found particularly relevant.

I'd like to say the effect was immediate but I can't, what I can say is that from then on with recovery followed by prolonged and lasting sobriety (one day at a time)taking place shortly thereafter...

I started living in the solution and not the problem...

doggonecarl

Glad you found the article so inspiring. I read similar life-changing stories every day on SR. Stick around and add yours, Jesse.

August252015

Exactly. You can do it. It is scary to shed your drinking life, even when you want to be free of it!

I PROMISE you that you will feel better in every way if you stop drinking and work a program to create a better life.

Do not drink today. Go to an AA meeting. Tell yourself it is just for today and choose it to be just that. Keep doing this; perhaps do 90 in 90 (meetings/days) as AA recommends to the newcomer.

I am almost 6 mos sober and I could not fathom that it was possible to have the life I do now. I work my a** off at my AA program and every single part of my life is better. Not perfect- I am human and AA doesn't promise paradise on earth!!!- but healthy, happy, productive and free. I am learning how to deal with fear, anxiety, frustration, disappointment, all the things of "normal life" and I keep going. You can do this, too, if you stop drinking first. Then you build. The spiritual part, the LIFE, is what true sobriety brings.

Good luck.

JesseJe

I love this place so much. There are so many inspiring encouraging people.

I feel like every day I wake up stronger, healthier and happier, but I know it's a battle ahead of me and within me. These be some demons....

Thanks all

Dave42001

You can do this!! I had to break the evil cycle before it killed me.. That blog is so positive, I love reading upbeat stuff like this!!

Give it another shot, start today!! Wishing you the best!!!

JesseJe

Thanks Dave!! All the little encouragements really make a difference!

Bird615

A better life awaits you. Never lose sight of that.
It takes some work; it's not easy, but it's within your reach.

graciepearl

For me that fear and pain came from my alcoholic voice the demon that had control of me who did not want to die. It wanted to continue to control me and sometimes still tries. But each time I remember that moment to moment I am winning and I pray that you and I and everyone held in their demons grasp can remain sober and free. You can do this. Soon we will see the picture of the real you, free, vibrant , sober and healthy!!

JesseJe

Gracie thank you! I hope to see that picture as well. I think I really have this. I want it. One of my favourite sayings that comes from many ex-drinkers is that sober life just keeps getting better! I can already feel that 2 weeks in.. I feel more alive, more aware of the world around me, and my joy has returned.

There is so much more to life than boozing I know it.

Soberwolf

Congratulations on 2 weeks