In the dumps, after 11 months

Old 08-03-2016, 08:10 AM
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In the dumps, after 11 months

Around 6 months something clicked, and I knew I wasnt going to drink. I felt generally content with my little quiet niche I carved out of work and and spending time at home.

Now suddenly I am as miserable as I've been in a long time.

I'm tired of seeing everyone with a significant other; I'm alone, and see no chance of that changing.

I'm tired of the maladies I had as a drinker...that didn't go away. IBS, heartburn, bladder pain, gout attacks. Always thought it was the booze; but nope, here I am at almost a year sober and it's all still here. And the sleep onset insomnia is relentless and defies all (legal) means of treatment.

My face is still red. Rosacea, didn't improve it at all..

I was drunk, lonely, and uncomfortable. Now I'm just lonely and uncomfortable.

Guess I am just looking for some words of encouragement. I feel like if I am going to be alone for the rest of my days, why not pass the time with booze. Sure it'll shorten my life, but I'm not really enjoying it anyway, so why do I care if I shave a few years off the end of it? I know this is stupid thinking, but the logical side of me is losing.

I'm already being treated for depression, and I am in regular contact with my physician. I was doing so well until a few days ago, now I'm crying myself to work in the mornings and holding it in until I get home. My entire perspective has flip flopped from pride and hope, to self loathing and hopelessness, just like flipping a light switch.

anyway, thanks for listening. I wouldn't have made it this long without lurking here. I feel stupid for even posting this, other people are dealing with things so much more severe than I am
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Old 08-03-2016, 08:25 AM
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So sorry to hear you are feeling this way. But I don't think you need or should minimize your own situation relative to others. Everyone has their 'things', yours as just as real and relevant, because they are affecting you, I hope you can work them out.
I think you may need to re-evaluate the treatment methods or options, talk with your physician about it?
Congrats on 11 months , please don't let the AV talk you into making anything any worse, drinking will certainly not make it better. You do acknowledge that it is probably more severe a choice than "shaving a few years off" , yes?
There is obviously I part of you that wants to be happy, certainly less unhappy. That is the part to nurture , wish you well , hope to see you around
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Old 08-03-2016, 08:31 AM
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Check out the threads on PAWS here on SR. You will see that many others have had the same experience at 6 months and it alerts you to the cycles of PAWS. You are doing so well hang in there !!
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Old 08-03-2016, 08:53 AM
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What does your recovery plan look like?
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Old 08-03-2016, 09:06 AM
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I could see peace instead of this
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In my case, I had to do quite a bit more than just not drink. I had to look at things like my lifestyle, diet, attitude and belief system.

Being in a 12-step program was a start; it helped a lot with my mental attitude, which is one of the biggest reasons I drank. I couldn't stand how I felt because of the negative way I tend to view the world.

But those other changes all came very gradually as I continued to remain sober. They certainly didn't come overnight and took a lot of searching, being open to new ideas and trial and error.
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Old 08-03-2016, 09:07 AM
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RGB, Great Job on 11 months. I can only comment based on my experience. I was 2.5 yrs sober till 04/15, new sober date 07/10/16. When I first got sober (with the help of AA) I had a hard time getting to 30 days, then 60 days and 90 days was harder. Are you in AA or another group that celebrates dates of achievement? I ask this because in AA we get chips, and these anniversary or success dates are important to me, so I found that as those dates approached, I would get VERY squirrely. This was my danger time. It really does not happen any more, but for the life of me in that first year +, around my monthly sober date I would feel anxiety, depression, and out of sorts. This was when I wanted to drink.

So, I don't know if this applies to you, but just sit with that and think about it and see if it might be a little bit.

What you are feeling (IMO) is very common. I found myself constantly thinking "Okay, so after being a blackout drinker for so lone, and now being sober, where is the fun, where is the personal improvement, where is the physical positive changes, where is my mental health positive changes"?

The think that changes when we get sober is that we get to deal with ourselves and our lives without being drunk. It takes a while to feel really good, some take less time, some longer. For me it took well over a year, but I had a lot of other issues to tackle in therapy and in my own mind and body.

It was/is pretty common to hear in AA that you should not make big decisions in your first year. IMO the reason why is because depending on how long you had been drinking, for me, I found everything seemed like a new thing. Emotions were new, I would see a rerun of a movie and it was new because I could not remember ever seeing it, everything was new to me, it truly was like starting life over again. It was quite scary for me, but over time I built up enough new experiences to where I gained more confidence. This is different for everyone including the time it takes to get to this place.

So, take a moment to pat yourself on the back for 11 months. See if the 1 year anniversary thing is worrying you. If you are in a program, stay close to it when you feel like this.

One thing I learned that was true 100% of the time was "This too shall pass", and it always did. Sometimes it took minutes, sometimes days or longer. But it always passed. And I had to have some "Faith" that drinking would only make it worse, and when it did pass, each of those times gained me confidence.

Have you seen your doc about your health and skin condition? Cover those basis first. Then when it works of you, venture out to do healthy things for yourself. Not drinking is a great start and you are 11 months into that. Physical activity, meetings, walking, whatever, all these things might help you as you continue to add each day to your sobriety.

I hope this helps a little.
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Old 08-03-2016, 09:18 AM
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Sorry you feel like this maybe speaking to a dr about therapy could help ?

Stick with us
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Old 08-03-2016, 09:49 AM
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Sorry to hear you're feeling under the weather.
I'm on your side.
Stay positive.
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Old 08-03-2016, 10:07 AM
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Content at 6 months and now down in the dumps at 11 months............. maybe time to try something new? Work and time home is maybe not enough anymore and your mood is letting you know? Do you like the outdoors? Getting fit? Gardening? Artwork........... evening class? ............... fill in the blanks.
I know the feeling of looking at others who have a partner and wanting that too, but beware of thinking that another person can complete you. A poor or unsuitable relationship will make you feel worse.
Just thoughts to take or leave. Hope you're feeling better soon.
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Old 08-03-2016, 10:26 AM
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Dear Heart its tough I know really... part of it is not just you and the life you had and how your body is reacting to the non drink that it would get every day.. but the news music people world in general....

mmm you need an active plan to get out and do stuff.. volunteer kiddo.. help out with a dog shelter... they need so much love.. or your library or park system.. a school... take some classes at the college or tech college..
your local fair grounds .... a farm of sorts or even a Place for vets.... maybe just maybe...

and your face with the red.. kiddo you are a lovely soul and others will look past everything when they find out what a Dear Heart you really are.. prayers a hug and love from a Mom...
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Old 08-03-2016, 10:56 AM
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Roy, congrats on 11 months!

I just wanted to say I understand. I felt exactly the same way at 11 paraphrase I was miserable sober and miserable when I was drinking. So, why not drink? Because I really, really didn't want to drink again. But, what else was there?

Here on SR I learned, if what we are doing isn't working, try something else.

The only thing I hadn't done was go to AA. So at a year sober, I walked in, petrified. That was 2 months ago and adding the fellowship and beginning the steps Is making all the difference in being happy and recovering versus just not drinking..

This is only my experience - of course everyone has there own path. I just wanted to share because I've been there, and walking into that first meeting gave me hope.
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Old 08-03-2016, 10:59 AM
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Originally Posted by RoyGBiv View Post
I was doing so well until a few days ago...
Then assume that this is a temporary case of the blues and that you will feel better soon. Don't let your current misery take you down the road to drinking. You are almost at a year sober; that's an amazing accomplishment.
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Old 08-03-2016, 11:03 AM
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Originally Posted by RoyGBiv View Post
anyway, thanks for listening. I wouldn't have made it this long without lurking here. I feel stupid for even posting this, other people are dealing with things so much more severe than I am
Don't feel stupid, this is exactly why SR exists - to support you when you need it. Everyone has good and bad days, and while your problems may not seem "severe" in comparison to others, they are problems in themselves that you must deal with. And they potentially threaten your sobriety - so that's just as important to you as anything.

Lots of good advice here already, and I'd also add as an anxiety sufferer that life simply has good and bad days. Our addiction still tries to take hold sometimes on the bad days and tell us that there's a magic solution for feeling "bad"....but we all know drinking only makes it all worse.
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Old 08-03-2016, 02:01 PM
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Thanks for the kind words, thoughts,and advice, everyone. I won't be giving up the fight today (or tomorrow). One day at a time.
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Old 08-03-2016, 02:15 PM
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I think to myself, just because I have given up drinking, doesn't excuse me from the trails of life and give me a free passage through the stuff that might have ailed me even if I had never drank. I look at it this way now, if life is like walking uphill through a soft sand beach (and I think everyones life is a struggle sometimes) drinking is like walking up that beach dragging a half-ton dead walrus behind you.
No ones problems are trival to them. I hope you start feeling better soon
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Old 08-03-2016, 02:28 PM
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a new pair of glasses may help ya, dude.
not everyone youve seen has been with a significant other.
and those couples you do see? very well could be war of the roses at home.
roy, ive been single for quite a few years and love it. THAT didnt just happen. i had to learn how to love myself, which there was quite a bit of being unfomfortable times learning that.
but it happened!

on the physical maladies:
your in contact regularly with your physician. good!!!
is your physician treating the physical maladies?

im not that smart but it seems like those maladies are all treatable.i had horrible heartburn- GERD- and it gets bad if i dont take my meds, even sober.
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Old 08-03-2016, 03:08 PM
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Good job Roy
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Old 08-03-2016, 03:41 PM
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I understand how you feel and just wanted to empathize and say don't give up.
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Old 08-03-2016, 03:54 PM
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Hi Roy

- if you've been going well til a few days back then I agree with Carl...this will pass.

I remember the first time I felt really down in recovery and I genuinely felt like I'd failed somehow.

My wife reminded me that everyone has ups and downs, and it's ok...and they pass.

Hope you feel better soon

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Old 08-03-2016, 07:05 PM
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I spent many years drinking. It has taken longer than 11 months to learn to live sober and to rebuild a life for myself.

Things don't change overnight. We also have to put in the work to get where we want to be!

Relax, make a plan and go for it!!
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