Help please, horrible news.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 341
Help please, horrible news.
My mother, my only support, just told me she has cancer.
I am at work and the phone won't stop. The boss won't let me go home and I am in the bathroom losing it.
My father has cancer also. Just diagnosed 6 months ago.
All I can think about is losing the only support system and friend I have. I have hidden and cried all day in various spots. I'm young and just lost my ex mother in law to cancer. My child is diagnosed panic disorder and anxiety disorder from watching her on hospice.
She has surgery asap. I'm trying to keep it together but if I lose my mom I WON'T make it thru life sober. My dad has always been abusive, angry, and my mom is all I have.
Yet she keeps apologizing to me saying sorry I'm sick. I really need something to make all this go away. Thanks for listening.
I am at work and the phone won't stop. The boss won't let me go home and I am in the bathroom losing it.
My father has cancer also. Just diagnosed 6 months ago.
All I can think about is losing the only support system and friend I have. I have hidden and cried all day in various spots. I'm young and just lost my ex mother in law to cancer. My child is diagnosed panic disorder and anxiety disorder from watching her on hospice.
She has surgery asap. I'm trying to keep it together but if I lose my mom I WON'T make it thru life sober. My dad has always been abusive, angry, and my mom is all I have.
Yet she keeps apologizing to me saying sorry I'm sick. I really need something to make all this go away. Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Just breathe? and hang in there. Try and take comfort in the fact that in due time it wont be as intense as it is at this moment.
I dunno i'd hang out in the bathroom try and calm myself. I know your boss may not let you leave but if you feel you must then you just must it is your sanity at stake here.
I dunno i'd hang out in the bathroom try and calm myself. I know your boss may not let you leave but if you feel you must then you just must it is your sanity at stake here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Praying for your mom and you
Originally Posted by behindblueyes 
My mother, my only support, just told me she has cancer.
Praying for your mom and you and that you will stay sober.
I really don't know what to say except --
your friends here on site will be here to support you
please -- stay close.
MB
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 273
Whatever happens, you still make your decisions. Life is very hard, but when life is hardest you need to stay sober. You will really regret it if you start drinking and can't support your mother the way you want to while she goes through this. Please go buy flowers for your mother and just try to be there for her.
Leave work when you can. Leave work if you have to. I don't know what the situation with your boss is, but that's very weird.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by behindblueyes
She has surgery asap. I'm trying to keep it together but if I lose my mom I WON'T make it thru life sober. .
Also try and remember that while cancer is bad, many forms are treatable and many people recover from it fully. You need to stay sober now more than ever, drinking now would be the absolute worst possible choice you could make right now.
You'll be able to talk with her and with her doctors to assess the situation and the options soon...because there will be options. Taking care of yourself is very important right now too....you are still very much alive and very capable of handling this.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Blueeyes both my parents had cancer my dad has just been recently diagnosed all I can say is I'm sorry this is happening if I can help by listening at any time I'm there were all here I try to remain positive even though I lost my mum nearly 7 years back there is always advancements in medical technology & I pray your parents & my dad can get through this
Drinking isnt on my radar it won't solve nothing it will rob me of precious moments I desperately want to be there for my dad he's a proud guy but I think he's cool with me & my eldest sister taking him to the apts so I'm there on call 24-7 if he needs
Know you can get through this sober
Drinking isnt on my radar it won't solve nothing it will rob me of precious moments I desperately want to be there for my dad he's a proud guy but I think he's cool with me & my eldest sister taking him to the apts so I'm there on call 24-7 if he needs
Know you can get through this sober
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
I'm so sorry, blueeyes. Cancer is such a scary diagnosis. I don't know what kind your mom has, but there are so many treatments available now. My mom was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer, which has a pretty high fatality rate. She overcame it with chemo and has been cancer free for almost 10 years. Cancer isn't always a death sentence. Try to calm yourself so you can be there for your mom. Right now SHE needs YOU.
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
blueeyes, I wish I had seen this earlier.
Run, don't walk. Tell the boss bye if you want but go be with your mother. He can't hold you there and telling future employers you were fired for attending to an emergency with your mother will only look good for you. There's probably an employment department lawsuit in there as well.
"My boss won't let me leave"? My boss gets reminded regularly that he has dogs for loyalty and has to pay me to show up everyday.
Go be with your mother.
Run, don't walk. Tell the boss bye if you want but go be with your mother. He can't hold you there and telling future employers you were fired for attending to an emergency with your mother will only look good for you. There's probably an employment department lawsuit in there as well.
"My boss won't let me leave"? My boss gets reminded regularly that he has dogs for loyalty and has to pay me to show up everyday.
Go be with your mother.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,017
Blueeyes
When I lost my father to cancer, almost 8 years ago I thought my world had caved in. He was the pillar in my life. Therafter I became an alcoholic because I could not bear the pain of losing him. I didnt realise it at the time but because I wanted to avoid the pain and reality of loss, I turned to the bottle.
*Cue* Enduring hell for the next 5 years as an alcoholic.
Dont be like me.
As hard and painful as it is, facing up to your emotions and dealing with your mother's cancer is far better than trying to avoid the pain. As well, do you know exactly what the prognosis is ? Is it all conjecture at this point in time ? Face the emotions as much as you can. Deal with the illness in digestible pieces. Learn what steps are needed for your mother's recovery.
Serenity and peace to you and your mother.
When I lost my father to cancer, almost 8 years ago I thought my world had caved in. He was the pillar in my life. Therafter I became an alcoholic because I could not bear the pain of losing him. I didnt realise it at the time but because I wanted to avoid the pain and reality of loss, I turned to the bottle.
*Cue* Enduring hell for the next 5 years as an alcoholic.
Dont be like me.
As hard and painful as it is, facing up to your emotions and dealing with your mother's cancer is far better than trying to avoid the pain. As well, do you know exactly what the prognosis is ? Is it all conjecture at this point in time ? Face the emotions as much as you can. Deal with the illness in digestible pieces. Learn what steps are needed for your mother's recovery.
Serenity and peace to you and your mother.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Blue eyes, I am so sorry you have this news to deal with. Please do not deny your mother your full and sober presence and attention while she goes through surgery and treatment. Nothing will make this go away, so better to face it with every resource at your disposal. Sending you strength and patience to move through this one day this a time, eyes open, heart full.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
I'm so sorry your mother is diagnosed with cancer. Have you told your boss what the situation is specifically? Please try to take a step back and breathe. Many types of cancer are very treatable and I hope that your mother will survive and thrive through this disease. I am sending lots of prayers and good thoughts to you and your mother.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I will never forget sitting down with the doctor and finding out my daughter had stage 4 cancer and had six months to live. I could have fallen apart but I didn't. I could have drank but I didn't.
My daughter needed me to be 100% present worse than she ever needed it before. I discovered all I had was the day. Some days were good some days were not so good but I enjoyed everyone of them as much as I could. The future is out of our control and living in it destroys the joy of the now.
I gave of myself as much as I could. My thoughts were about her not about me. What will be will be either good or bad. What makes all the difference is how we live in this very moment in time.
I think it would be beneficial to establish a support group. For me my AA friends helped so much through the hardest times in my life. In a few days my beautiful daughter will be gone two years. I know she watches over me and is so proud of my sobriety.
Prayers going out to you and you Mom. Let God guide you and be prepared to receive his grace
My daughter needed me to be 100% present worse than she ever needed it before. I discovered all I had was the day. Some days were good some days were not so good but I enjoyed everyone of them as much as I could. The future is out of our control and living in it destroys the joy of the now.
I gave of myself as much as I could. My thoughts were about her not about me. What will be will be either good or bad. What makes all the difference is how we live in this very moment in time.
I think it would be beneficial to establish a support group. For me my AA friends helped so much through the hardest times in my life. In a few days my beautiful daughter will be gone two years. I know she watches over me and is so proud of my sobriety.
Prayers going out to you and you Mom. Let God guide you and be prepared to receive his grace
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 341
Thanks all. My father is responding to his treatment well but my mom isn't telling me what stage, how serious and she said she doesn't want to scare or burden me. That makes me feel worse. I never knew how close we were until this. A song will come on the radio and it triggers horrible thoughts of "what if". Cancer is such a strong word.
I appreciate all the replies.
I appreciate all the replies.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
behindblueeyes,
i'm very sorry to hear of this tough news. "losing it" and crying seems like an appropriate response. as is going home, where i guess you are by now.
but, you know, you don't need to write the future in stone by saying to yourself and us that you WON'T make it through life sober if or when your mom dies. this kind of self-talk would just set the stage and plan the entrance for future drinking. the set-up then is: "i can only be sober if...a, b, c and d won't happen and k,l,m and n do happen".
I really need something to make all this go away.
nothing will make this go away. that's the tough part. it's real. n9o matter what you do, it won't go away. so drinking is useless.
i do hope you find some comfort and strength to help you through this, breathing and just being can be the first few helpful things.
and if you can find no "live" support, this is exactly where places like telephone crisis lines come in, what they're there for: a place to debrief, vent, with someone non-judgmental who knows how to listen. a safety valve, pressure relief, caring ear.
hope you use all the support you have and can find; there's lots here, too.
i'm very sorry to hear of this tough news. "losing it" and crying seems like an appropriate response. as is going home, where i guess you are by now.
but, you know, you don't need to write the future in stone by saying to yourself and us that you WON'T make it through life sober if or when your mom dies. this kind of self-talk would just set the stage and plan the entrance for future drinking. the set-up then is: "i can only be sober if...a, b, c and d won't happen and k,l,m and n do happen".
I really need something to make all this go away.
nothing will make this go away. that's the tough part. it's real. n9o matter what you do, it won't go away. so drinking is useless.
i do hope you find some comfort and strength to help you through this, breathing and just being can be the first few helpful things.
and if you can find no "live" support, this is exactly where places like telephone crisis lines come in, what they're there for: a place to debrief, vent, with someone non-judgmental who knows how to listen. a safety valve, pressure relief, caring ear.
hope you use all the support you have and can find; there's lots here, too.
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