Soberpotamus

I'm really sorry you and your family are dealing with this. My grandmother had lymphoma for over twenty years. Maybe your mother will let you know what type and stage soon. I know this isn't something anyone is ever prepared to hear. It's hard.

Please don't drink. Stay close to the forum and your face to face support.

Behappy1

I am so very sorry. I have dealt with cancer with many family members. The first thing that came to my mind is I understand 100% wanting to drink this away. But your mom and dad need you more than ever. Be there for them and do so sober. Drinking will not solve this or take this away. It most likely will create MORE problems. I pray that you find the strength to get through your own struggles and be a beacon of light, sober light - for your parents. Drinking will only add to YOUR guilt and your mom's guilt. Reach out and don't go this alone.

masanori

Sending you prayers from Southern California. Stay strong.

behindblueyes

I took a deep breath in and I texted a few friends and I realized I have nobody.

I can't even call someone if my mom dies and cry.

I can't believe I have no friends. I hate alcoholism. I am smart, cute and no one would believe I am an addict.

behindblueyes

I have relapsed. I'm in outpatient rehab so I have to face that...

suki44883

BBE...drinking won't help anything. Get back on the wagon and be a fully present daughter for your mother. A cancer diagnosis isn't necessarily a death notice.

fantail

I can only imagine what you're going through, but I am trying to imagine it. And alcohol only ever made me feel more alone, and in a deeper way than I've ever felt sober. It would make me feel safe for a minute but then completely, utterly alone. Please try not to do that to yourself. It's good that you're in outpatient rehab. You can put the brakes on this.

tomsteve

ok, so you relapsed.
i think the greatest lesson you can get from this is it didn't change anything.
fear=
F**k Everything And Run
or
Face Everything And Recover

i found running didn't work. never took the problem away.
facing them works pretty good

Hawkeye13

What tomsteve says was true for me too--
running back to the bottle didn't solve anything for me
but only made things worse.

Just facing it is the only choice really, and you can do it.
Your daughter needs you and so do your parents.

You have support here--post when you are tempted, or just need
some encouragement

Soberwolf

No matter what from here on in no drinking your mum is going to need you drinking will only take time you don't have away

You do have friends .. look around were all here don't continue drinking it just worth it

behindblueyes

Today is a reminder of why I don't drink. That voice snuck right back in and tried to keep me going for day two.

I stopped it. But I am really sick. Wasted an entire day just like old times. I think I got it out of my system though.

Soberwolf

Stick close

ScottFromWI

Thing is, we never "get it out of our system" when it comes to addiction. It is always there, waiting for the chance to grab us when we are weak, sick, sad, etc. It just did exactly that to you, but fortunately your sober mind stopped it before it got way out of hand. That means you CAN do this....you just need to stay closer to your support network/plan or add to it. You can always come here, lean on the help you can get from your outpatient program too....tell them exactly what happened ( both the drinking and the life struggles you face ). They will have some options for you too.

Glad you are back, don't give up!

Hawkeye13

Great job getting it stopped quickly blueyes--
Try to eat some good food, stay hydrated, and do some relaxing
things like a long shower, a walk with your daughter, or take in an old movie
you love tonight.
Taking care of you will help you take care of others better too--

emme99

I am glad you stopped behindblueyes. So sorry for all you are going through. My mom has cancer too and it is so hard. Sending you and your mom hugs & prayers.

trachemys

I once heard this addiction described as being hanged on a staircase. No one drops a trap door from under us. We just take one step down after the other until we're dead.

We don't have to take more steps.

Dee74

(((BBE)))

Prayers for your folks and for you.
Drinking won't take the fear away, but faith just might. Stay strong

D

Gottalife

This is what I mean when I talk about "feet of clay". It is futile to place our dependence on another human being. They will always fail us eventually.

I lost my three "rocks" in life, my father, my sponsor, my wife, all to cancer.

Now I'm expected to be a "rock" for others. I am so grateful my sponsor made sure my dependence was not on him or anything human, but on the God of my understanding. That is where I now get the strength to be a "rock" for others, and why my sobriety was not threatened by normal life events.

I found grief counselling a tremendous help by the way. Grief was something I could not control, and I wondered if the extreme emotions I was feeling were normal. They were. Grief is different to alcoholism. It is a natural thing.