Not Drunk In One Year; Am I An Alcoholic?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,931
For me, for a long, long, long time I spent hours/weeks/months deciding which label fit me.
So alcoholic, heavy drinker, problem drinker, alcohol abuser, binge drinker.
Which one was I?
All the time I pondered this, I kept drinking. Creating more unhappiness for me and the people I loved.
I finally realised that alcohol made me unhappy and the people I loved unhappy.
That was enough me.
I didn't matter what I was, what diagnosis or category I fit into, it mattered that alcohol made me so, so unhappy.
I still sometimes get those thoughts about 'was I?' and I just remind myself of my unhappiness and that makes me see that I don't need to debate it anymore or lend time to thinking about.
I wish you the best xx
So alcoholic, heavy drinker, problem drinker, alcohol abuser, binge drinker.
Which one was I?
All the time I pondered this, I kept drinking. Creating more unhappiness for me and the people I loved.
I finally realised that alcohol made me unhappy and the people I loved unhappy.
That was enough me.
I didn't matter what I was, what diagnosis or category I fit into, it mattered that alcohol made me so, so unhappy.
I still sometimes get those thoughts about 'was I?' and I just remind myself of my unhappiness and that makes me see that I don't need to debate it anymore or lend time to thinking about.
I wish you the best xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by Ponies965 
I haven't read all the replies, I apologize.
I have one quick question that may bring some clarity...its one I've asked myself when I debate the importance of alcohol in my life.
You describe in much detail your time in the restaurant in lovely Budapest. I can imagine it in my head, I can see how the wine fits clearly...and yes, as described it sounds very normal. Not just normal, beautiful.
WHAT if you'd had a glass of Peligrino along with that meal. Would that have taken away from the experience? Would it have changed your time in Budapest?
My point is: If alcohol plays an important role in your life...even if you are no longer doing embarrassing or dangerous things...BEWARE. Do we really NEED a lovely red wine to enhance an already beautiful experience? NO. The only people who do have a problem with alcohol.
I have one quick question that may bring some clarity...its one I've asked myself when I debate the importance of alcohol in my life.
You describe in much detail your time in the restaurant in lovely Budapest. I can imagine it in my head, I can see how the wine fits clearly...and yes, as described it sounds very normal. Not just normal, beautiful.
WHAT if you'd had a glass of Peligrino along with that meal. Would that have taken away from the experience? Would it have changed your time in Budapest?
My point is: If alcohol plays an important role in your life...even if you are no longer doing embarrassing or dangerous things...BEWARE. Do we really NEED a lovely red wine to enhance an already beautiful experience? NO. The only people who do have a problem with alcohol.
That is one of the reasons I stopped completely.
I thought "what is the point in poisoning my body if I don't even get the thrill of being drunk"
Not that being drunk is always a thrill but I certainly have had fun times while being drunk or on drugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by Gottalife
From the AA big book, doctors opinion, paraphrased.
"These alcholics have one thing in common. They cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon cannot, by any means known to us, be permanently eradicated (still the case today). The only known solution we can suggest is complete abstinence."
A friend of mine drank after ten years sobriety. He was dead in three months. For an alcoholic of my type, there is no return to drinking safely.
ZamZam, you were very honest and open in your post. I wouldn't be that open in an AA meeting if you go to one.
I just wanted you to know that there was nothing in your post that I haven't done or thought about doing. What you were talking about is just normal run of the mill alcoholic behaviour.
This disease takes us to some awful places, but there is a way out. In AA I found people just like me who showed me how to recover and I was no longer alone. You can recover and you can have a better life.
"These alcholics have one thing in common. They cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon cannot, by any means known to us, be permanently eradicated (still the case today). The only known solution we can suggest is complete abstinence."
A friend of mine drank after ten years sobriety. He was dead in three months. For an alcoholic of my type, there is no return to drinking safely.
ZamZam, you were very honest and open in your post. I wouldn't be that open in an AA meeting if you go to one.
I just wanted you to know that there was nothing in your post that I haven't done or thought about doing. What you were talking about is just normal run of the mill alcoholic behaviour.
This disease takes us to some awful places, but there is a way out. In AA I found people just like me who showed me how to recover and I was no longer alone. You can recover and you can have a better life.
Hi, why wouldn't you be open about it? Fear of judgement?
I felt cathartic releasing all these things that I don't usually tell people but I think speaking them out loud will help me get it off my chest.
That being said I don't believe in God and am a determined atheist so I don't know if I want to go to a meeting where I pledge allegiance to God and admit I am "powerless"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by Sasha4
For me, for a long, long, long time I spent hours/weeks/months deciding which label fit me.
So alcoholic, heavy drinker, problem drinker, alcohol abuser, binge drinker.
Which one was I?
All the time I pondered this, I kept drinking. Creating more unhappiness for me and the people I loved.
I finally realised that alcohol made me unhappy and the people I loved unhappy.
That was enough me.
I didn't matter what I was, what diagnosis or category I fit into, it mattered that alcohol made me so, so unhappy.
I still sometimes get those thoughts about 'was I?' and I just remind myself of my unhappiness and that makes me see that I don't need to debate it anymore or lend time to thinking about.
I wish you the best xx
So alcoholic, heavy drinker, problem drinker, alcohol abuser, binge drinker.
Which one was I?
All the time I pondered this, I kept drinking. Creating more unhappiness for me and the people I loved.
I finally realised that alcohol made me unhappy and the people I loved unhappy.
That was enough me.
I didn't matter what I was, what diagnosis or category I fit into, it mattered that alcohol made me so, so unhappy.
I still sometimes get those thoughts about 'was I?' and I just remind myself of my unhappiness and that makes me see that I don't need to debate it anymore or lend time to thinking about.
I wish you the best xx
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Thailand
Posts: 6,594
Originally Posted by ZamZam
Hi, why wouldn't you be open about it? Fear of judgement?
I felt cathartic releasing all these things that I don't usually tell people but I think speaking them out loud will help me get it off my chest.
That being said I don't believe in God and am a determined atheist so I don't know if I want to go to a meeting where I pledge allegiance to God and admit I am "powerless"
I felt cathartic releasing all these things that I don't usually tell people but I think speaking them out loud will help me get it off my chest.
That being said I don't believe in God and am a determined atheist so I don't know if I want to go to a meeting where I pledge allegiance to God and admit I am "powerless"
I have been to a few thousand AA meetings and have yet to see anyone make any pledge alliegence to anything. I may have been powerless over alcohol, but paradoxically, I have as much power as I need to handle everything else. Perhaps you should learn a bit more about AA before you dismiss it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Northwest
Posts: 274
Probably not, if I had not smoked a cigarette in a year am I still a "smoker"? Of course not, it's preposterous! You may not want to go back to drinking that is your choice. Think of all the positives sobriety brings but if you drank again it would not be a disaster.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
The rehab I went to eschewed a lot of the 12 step principles, including calling oneself an alcoholic or druggie. If you're not drinking, you're not an "alcoholic." You can say that when you drink alcohol it negatively effects your life, so you are choosing not to drink. That's an empowering statement. Labels don't really mean anything and they can be demeaning and negative.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Austin Texas
Posts: 165
JamesfrmEngland, I think a more accurate analogy would be to say that if you are no longer drinking, you are no longer a drinker, but to those of us who know we can't drink just one, and there are many of us who have proved this to ourselves and others, we ARE alcoholics, because somewhere at sometime this was called and labeled as Alcoholism.
I think there simply is not a label for people who no longer smoke, but know that if they have ONE, they can't stop, and there of course are many of those. They just don't potentially do harm to others by losing control of all their senses when they smoke. Smoking would impair driving like drinking coffee. But I am quite certain that people who worked their ass off to quit smoking, and know by experience that smoking one will be another non-stop affair, they probably would accept a label. But many also wouldn't just like many alcoholics won't call themselves that because they think is sounds bad or is demeaning.
Personally it does not bother me to say I am an alcoholic, because by definition of the term that is what I am. But it DOES bother many, and those elect to come up with some other term or excuse for not drinking, like "I don't feel well" or "I am on meds and can't mix the two right now" or whatever they want to come up with so that they look better and feel better about the problem that they have.
To each their own. I just think you missed it on your analogy is all.
I would never judge a process one uses to NOT drink though, as I have said before in this forum. Whatever a person does to not drink, who has a problem drinking and is an alcoholic, be it AA or some other group, or no group, or meditation, or standing on their head, who cares, they are doing what works for them and I am happy for them. We all find a way, or we don't.
I think there simply is not a label for people who no longer smoke, but know that if they have ONE, they can't stop, and there of course are many of those. They just don't potentially do harm to others by losing control of all their senses when they smoke. Smoking would impair driving like drinking coffee. But I am quite certain that people who worked their ass off to quit smoking, and know by experience that smoking one will be another non-stop affair, they probably would accept a label. But many also wouldn't just like many alcoholics won't call themselves that because they think is sounds bad or is demeaning.
Personally it does not bother me to say I am an alcoholic, because by definition of the term that is what I am. But it DOES bother many, and those elect to come up with some other term or excuse for not drinking, like "I don't feel well" or "I am on meds and can't mix the two right now" or whatever they want to come up with so that they look better and feel better about the problem that they have.
To each their own. I just think you missed it on your analogy is all.
I would never judge a process one uses to NOT drink though, as I have said before in this forum. Whatever a person does to not drink, who has a problem drinking and is an alcoholic, be it AA or some other group, or no group, or meditation, or standing on their head, who cares, they are doing what works for them and I am happy for them. We all find a way, or we don't.
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
Before I ever read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous- I found this statement from it in a post somewhere in SR and never forgot it. It makes so much sense and I recite it whenever I have thoughts of "just one" or a drink for a "special occasion":
Chapter 3
MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
Thanks for the thread.
Chapter 3
MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
Thanks for the thread.
paradox
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 664
It took a long time to accept that I was an alcoholic.
More importantly: it took a bit longer for me to accept that I needed to do something about my alcoholism . . .
other than drinking in secret,
other than drinking cheaply
and other than talking myself out of a label that obviously fit.
I even needed to do something other than NOT drinking!
I needed to find a solution.
Then I needed to live in the solution.
Once I learned to live in the solution, I became grateful;
grateful, not only for the solution, but for the problem that lead me here.
Yes, unbelievable as it may seem: grateful to be an alcoholic.
I found the solution to my alcoholism in AA.
You may need to find an alternative solution or none at all.
But, atheism -- even fervent non-belief -- will not stop one from finding a solution in AA.
I know several alcoholics who are atheists and happily sober in AA.
It works if you are honest, open and willing.
More importantly: it took a bit longer for me to accept that I needed to do something about my alcoholism . . .
other than drinking in secret,
other than drinking cheaply
and other than talking myself out of a label that obviously fit.
I even needed to do something other than NOT drinking!
I needed to find a solution.
Then I needed to live in the solution.
Once I learned to live in the solution, I became grateful;
grateful, not only for the solution, but for the problem that lead me here.
Yes, unbelievable as it may seem: grateful to be an alcoholic.
I found the solution to my alcoholism in AA.
You may need to find an alternative solution or none at all.
But, atheism -- even fervent non-belief -- will not stop one from finding a solution in AA.
I know several alcoholics who are atheists and happily sober in AA.
It works if you are honest, open and willing.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 414
Happily sober at almost 6 months here. Woke up after over 30 years of beyond heavy drinking and pilling after a near death experience. Present now for both my children, grandchildren and myself. AA was not part of my recovery. Yet if it works for others Great! Practicing the basic suggestions of the Buddha.
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