Notices

Maybe my boss is reading this.

Old 07-09-2016, 06:58 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 341
Maybe my boss is reading this.

I am in a strange stuation.

As many of you know, I was in trouble with the law recently and it was a non-traffic offense. I have cleaned myself up and am not going out and am sober.

However, every time I go into work, my boss says "Did you get into trouble this weekend"? Or something similar. This has been going on over a month now. When I go to leave work, he laughs and says things like "What are you doing tonight, getting into trouble?" I really don't know how to answer these questions.

He knows nothing of the offense (that I know of) and it wasn't in the paper. He has over 200 employees to worry about and wouldn't just background check me.

But, yesterday we were talking about the weather and I said casually I may have to sleep on the landing because it is so hot where I live. He said he's sure I have passed out there before coming home late and he laughed.

I don't find this funny at all as I am at my most sober point in years and I try to change the subject.

The final straw for me was when I volunteered to work last night because I had no plans and he said he couldn't believe I wasn't going out on a Friday night. Then, he texted me at 10pm giving me updates about a special project. He has never texted or called after I left work. I know it was to see if I was sober or would answer. I really need that job and have been there for years. I am afraid of losing my job if I say something. Help? Thanks.
behindblueyes is offline  
Old 07-09-2016, 07:15 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
You're sober and you've nothing to hide.

Just answer this text. Sounds like the guy is tacky with a crummy sense of humor.
Ken33xx is offline  
Old 07-09-2016, 07:25 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 341
I answered it. It was for a department I have nothing to do with and it was last night. I just want work to be work and leave it there.
behindblueyes is offline  
Old 07-09-2016, 07:55 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
seems like harassment to me.
tomsteve is offline  
Old 07-09-2016, 08:00 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Just a Girl Trying to Make It...
 
Flawed's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 207
Does he know you're in recovery? I would ask him why he's asking you such questions the next time he asks. Whether he knows or not, that's extremely rude and inappropriate.
Flawed is offline  
Old 07-09-2016, 08:09 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
dawnrunner's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
If possible, try to minimize any chit-chat that gets personal. No more comments about sleeping on the landing, for example. My guess is he is clumsily flirting or something, and finds the idea of you getting 'in trouble' to be a turn-on. Don't give him anything.
dawnrunner is offline  
Old 07-09-2016, 08:32 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
KAD
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
Hi blueeyes. Just out of curiosity, do you visit/post on this site at all while at work? I'm in IT so I know a lot of businesses monitor internet usage on the job.
KAD is offline  
Old 07-09-2016, 08:34 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
kittycat3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Ugh gross. I'm sorry, I've been there with unwanted attention from a boss. Best thing you can do is avoid the personal talk. Come up with some useful phrases you can pull out if needed. Suggestions: "What do you mean by that?" Polite and genuine inquiry that might shake him out of flirtation mode when he's asking you about "trouble". Or sometimes just a blank stare with a terse smile and saying nothing might send the right message that you are strictly business.

Don't feel obligated to reply to late night texts.

Also if things cross a line do not rule out talking to HR. This kind of behavior is absolutely wrong and inappropriate and not something you should feel bad about reporting. His behavior is bad for business.
kittycat3 is offline  
Old 07-09-2016, 10:02 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 341
I have a degree in IT and that would be idiotic. However, I have posted enough on this site that I am now paranoid. No, he does not know I am in recovery. He is also married and really has no reason to be hitting on me.
behindblueyes is offline  
Old 07-09-2016, 10:04 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
advbike's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,562
Originally Posted by dawnrunner View Post
If possible, try to minimize any chit-chat that gets personal. No more comments about sleeping on the landing, for example. My guess is he is clumsily flirting or something, and finds the idea of you getting 'in trouble' to be a turn-on. Don't give him anything.
This is what I read from it also.. he's awkwardly trying to get personal.. just deflect his interest and don't offer anything up that he might be able to use.
advbike is offline  
Old 07-09-2016, 10:06 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Depending on your employer, if they have an IT department and are a medium to large company, they can literally watch your screen. Even record all your keystrokes. Maybe he is reading it, so what, you are sober.

I can tell you two VERY interesting stories about a large company and I know for a fact they can find out anything they want about an employee. But I will add that they will not waste a ton of time on a wild goose chase to obtain "gossip". They do serve a legitimate purpose and are being monitored themselves. PM me if you'd like to hear them, or if someone else wants me to post I will. I will leave it anonymous so no company nor person is singled out.
thomas11 is offline  
Old 07-09-2016, 10:14 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 341
I know about IT and remote access. I don't even have a computer. Unless they are here in my home, they aren't reading it. I drive for a living (giving up more information I don't want to give on a public forum). This boss IS the HR department. I am at the top of the chain here and I can't go any higher. I am thinking about quitting.

I am a paranoid person to begin with. Added that I live in a small town and I have posted many details about it plus posted I have been in trouble lately... I am paranoid.

He didn't start with any of these comments until the week after I was arrested and I have worked there for years. Maybe it is just a coincidence. If so, I will be found not guilty anyway the judge already confirmed that.
behindblueyes is offline  
Old 07-09-2016, 10:25 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hmm, based on what you just said, it sounds like he has acquired some information he probably shouldn't have. Being a bit paranoid in this day and age is a good thing IMO. I'd say if it continues for much longer, I'd confront him on it. especially if he slips and says something that no one but you and your attorney should know about. Then again, if he's HR, that's a tough battle. If he was the janitor, it might be a little easier.

Come to think of it, it wouldn't be that difficult to have a friend or something send him an email from an anonymous ***** account advising him of some inappropriate behavior and that he is being monitored. I bet he shuts up real quick.

When I worked at a huge company we used to pull pranks like that with this a-hole in our department (he was ultimately our boss!). We pretended we were women from a dating site. He was in a serious relationship, yet his ego was so huge he'd engage in this dubious online behavior. We never did tell him it was us, and that there were no women checking him out.
thomas11 is offline  
Old 07-09-2016, 10:27 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
zjw
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,232
sounds fishy to me. Sounds like he knows osmething or has the idea that your partier / drinker outside of work for whatever reason.

Also sounds like he is getting a bit to personal like others have mentioned and its clearly making you uncomfortable so i take this as a red flag as well.

But what really got me is hte texting you after hours on a friday night when he never has sure it might ahve been about work related stuff but at that hour etc... it just sounds like he was using work related stuff to fish around and possibly strke up a dialog about whatever else.

sounds to me like he has some sort of an agenda.

but that texting after hours at that hour on a friday night after the other things you descibed... yeah sounds fishy to me.

I dont think yoru off base feeling how you do.
zjw is offline  
Old 07-09-2016, 10:53 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,017
If you're from a small town (as am I) it probably leaked out from the police department. My DUI was broadcast over 2 radio stations in every dr office in two nearby counties because it was the only "news" of that day. When I got picked up, I asked if this would be on a "local website" that is frequented by locals. Her answer, "it depends on if it's a slow news day." I went to an IOP in a local hospital to be assessed for alcoholism in a local larger town. Three days later, a friend said she had heard that I was at xyz hospital for an assessment. This violates all confidentiality, but in the end I was screwed and there is nothing that I can do about it.

I agree with the others, I'd either directly ask him why he is speaking with you in the way that he is, I'd say something evasive to put him in his place and stop this. I would do this after you've ignored it long enough that it is not going away.

You're sober now. Hold your head up. There is nothing that you can do except not live in your past repeating the same mistakes. Sorry you're dealing with this. BTDT and it really is hard.
Behappy1 is offline  
Old 07-09-2016, 11:14 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
KAD
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
Echoing what BeHappy said, I recently sold my house. One day, just out of curiosity, I searched on my old address. Up popped my house, details about it, and details about the owner (me), including my recent DWI conviction, among other less serious charges. So, yeah... any kind of legal trouble is considered public knowledge and, thanks to the internet, not that difficult to find out.
KAD is offline  
Old 07-09-2016, 01:17 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 62,120
It sounds like harassment to me, but if he's the top of the food chain, I guess there's nowhere else to go. I wondered about the computer at work being tracked, too, but obviously that isn't it. Is it possible that someone in the police recognized you and knew who you worked for? It sounds too pointed to be coincidence to me.
Anna is online now  
Old 07-09-2016, 03:14 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
dawnrunner's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
Originally Posted by behindblueyes View Post
He is also married and really has no reason to be hitting on me.
I hope you know that being married has never been a hindrance to the committed chaser.
dawnrunner is offline  
Old 07-09-2016, 07:57 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Sober Alcoholic
 
awuh1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,543
Privately as him why he is making these comments.

It could be that he has received information somehow and is sort of looking out for you (in a very weird sort of way) by letting you know that your drinking is becoming more public than you may have thought and thinking that he is providing "motivation" for you to change. The reason I say this is because his intentions might be honorable even though his method is clumsy (at best). Don't assume the worst. Hear him out.

I don't think it's out of line to respectfully ask him to stop doing this regardless of what he says.
awuh1 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:22 AM.