behindblueyes

I am in a strange stuation.

As many of you know, I was in trouble with the law recently and it was a non-traffic offense. I have cleaned myself up and am not going out and am sober.

However, every time I go into work, my boss says "Did you get into trouble this weekend"? Or something similar. This has been going on over a month now. When I go to leave work, he laughs and says things like "What are you doing tonight, getting into trouble?" I really don't know how to answer these questions.

He knows nothing of the offense (that I know of) and it wasn't in the paper. He has over 200 employees to worry about and wouldn't just background check me.

But, yesterday we were talking about the weather and I said casually I may have to sleep on the landing because it is so hot where I live. He said he's sure I have passed out there before coming home late and he laughed.

I don't find this funny at all as I am at my most sober point in years and I try to change the subject.

The final straw for me was when I volunteered to work last night because I had no plans and he said he couldn't believe I wasn't going out on a Friday night. Then, he texted me at 10pm giving me updates about a special project. He has never texted or called after I left work. I know it was to see if I was sober or would answer. I really need that job and have been there for years. I am afraid of losing my job if I say something. Help? Thanks.

Ken33xx

You're sober and you've nothing to hide.

Just answer this text. Sounds like the guy is tacky with a crummy sense of humor.

behindblueyes

I answered it. It was for a department I have nothing to do with and it was last night. I just want work to be work and leave it there.

tomsteve

seems like harassment to me.

Flawed

Does he know you're in recovery? I would ask him why he's asking you such questions the next time he asks. Whether he knows or not, that's extremely rude and inappropriate.

dawnrunner

If possible, try to minimize any chit-chat that gets personal. No more comments about sleeping on the landing, for example. My guess is he is clumsily flirting or something, and finds the idea of you getting 'in trouble' to be a turn-on. Don't give him anything.

KAD

Hi blueeyes. Just out of curiosity, do you visit/post on this site at all while at work? I'm in IT so I know a lot of businesses monitor internet usage on the job.

kittycat3

Ugh gross. I'm sorry, I've been there with unwanted attention from a boss. Best thing you can do is avoid the personal talk. Come up with some useful phrases you can pull out if needed. Suggestions: "What do you mean by that?" Polite and genuine inquiry that might shake him out of flirtation mode when he's asking you about "trouble". Or sometimes just a blank stare with a terse smile and saying nothing might send the right message that you are strictly business.

Don't feel obligated to reply to late night texts.

Also if things cross a line do not rule out talking to HR. This kind of behavior is absolutely wrong and inappropriate and not something you should feel bad about reporting. His behavior is bad for business.

behindblueyes

I have a degree in IT and that would be idiotic. However, I have posted enough on this site that I am now paranoid. No, he does not know I am in recovery. He is also married and really has no reason to be hitting on me.

advbike

This is what I read from it also.. he's awkwardly trying to get personal.. just deflect his interest and don't offer anything up that he might be able to use.

thomas11

Depending on your employer, if they have an IT department and are a medium to large company, they can literally watch your screen. Even record all your keystrokes. Maybe he is reading it, so what, you are sober.

I can tell you two VERY interesting stories about a large company and I know for a fact they can find out anything they want about an employee. But I will add that they will not waste a ton of time on a wild goose chase to obtain "gossip". They do serve a legitimate purpose and are being monitored themselves. PM me if you'd like to hear them, or if someone else wants me to post I will. I will leave it anonymous so no company nor person is singled out.

behindblueyes

I know about IT and remote access. I don't even have a computer. Unless they are here in my home, they aren't reading it. I drive for a living (giving up more information I don't want to give on a public forum). This boss IS the HR department. I am at the top of the chain here and I can't go any higher. I am thinking about quitting.

I am a paranoid person to begin with. Added that I live in a small town and I have posted many details about it plus posted I have been in trouble lately... I am paranoid.

He didn't start with any of these comments until the week after I was arrested and I have worked there for years. Maybe it is just a coincidence. If so, I will be found not guilty anyway the judge already confirmed that.

thomas11

Hmm, based on what you just said, it sounds like he has acquired some information he probably shouldn't have. Being a bit paranoid in this day and age is a good thing IMO. I'd say if it continues for much longer, I'd confront him on it. especially if he slips and says something that no one but you and your attorney should know about. Then again, if he's HR, that's a tough battle. If he was the janitor, it might be a little easier.

Come to think of it, it wouldn't be that difficult to have a friend or something send him an email from an anonymous ***** account advising him of some inappropriate behavior and that he is being monitored. I bet he shuts up real quick.

When I worked at a huge company we used to pull pranks like that with this a-hole in our department (he was ultimately our boss!). We pretended we were women from a dating site. He was in a serious relationship, yet his ego was so huge he'd engage in this dubious online behavior. We never did tell him it was us, and that there were no women checking him out.

zjw

sounds fishy to me. Sounds like he knows osmething or has the idea that your partier / drinker outside of work for whatever reason.

Also sounds like he is getting a bit to personal like others have mentioned and its clearly making you uncomfortable so i take this as a red flag as well.

But what really got me is hte texting you after hours on a friday night when he never has sure it might ahve been about work related stuff but at that hour etc... it just sounds like he was using work related stuff to fish around and possibly strke up a dialog about whatever else.

sounds to me like he has some sort of an agenda.

but that texting after hours at that hour on a friday night after the other things you descibed... yeah sounds fishy to me.

I dont think yoru off base feeling how you do.

Behappy1

If you're from a small town (as am I) it probably leaked out from the police department. My DUI was broadcast over 2 radio stations in every dr office in two nearby counties because it was the only "news" of that day. When I got picked up, I asked if this would be on a "local website" that is frequented by locals. Her answer, "it depends on if it's a slow news day." I went to an IOP in a local hospital to be assessed for alcoholism in a local larger town. Three days later, a friend said she had heard that I was at xyz hospital for an assessment. This violates all confidentiality, but in the end I was screwed and there is nothing that I can do about it.

I agree with the others, I'd either directly ask him why he is speaking with you in the way that he is, I'd say something evasive to put him in his place and stop this. I would do this after you've ignored it long enough that it is not going away.

You're sober now. Hold your head up. There is nothing that you can do except not live in your past repeating the same mistakes. Sorry you're dealing with this. BTDT and it really is hard.

KAD

Echoing what BeHappy said, I recently sold my house. One day, just out of curiosity, I searched on my old address. Up popped my house, details about it, and details about the owner (me), including my recent DWI conviction, among other less serious charges. So, yeah... any kind of legal trouble is considered public knowledge and, thanks to the internet, not that difficult to find out.

Anna

It sounds like harassment to me, but if he's the top of the food chain, I guess there's nowhere else to go. I wondered about the computer at work being tracked, too, but obviously that isn't it. Is it possible that someone in the police recognized you and knew who you worked for? It sounds too pointed to be coincidence to me.

dawnrunner

I hope you know that being married has never been a hindrance to the committed chaser.

awuh1

Privately as him why he is making these comments.

It could be that he has received information somehow and is sort of looking out for you (in a very weird sort of way) by letting you know that your drinking is becoming more public than you may have thought and thinking that he is providing "motivation" for you to change. The reason I say this is because his intentions might be honorable even though his method is clumsy (at best). Don't assume the worst. Hear him out.

I don't think it's out of line to respectfully ask him to stop doing this regardless of what he says.