Turning into a hermit
 

I am having such a hard time because now that I'm not drinking I am so bored and lonely, but at the same time I am so freakin annoyed by everyone I don't even want to talk to people. I thought that I would finally try to start dating again, but that even sounds horrible. Not quite sure what to do with myself now. Sometimes I want to just sit in a room alone and watch tv but then I start feeling depressed about living like a hermit. No matter what I do I just have this completely uneasy feeling.

Any suggestions on what to do???

What activities do you enjoy? Do those, and you might encounter like-minded people.

Volunteer. People won't annoy you so much if you're working toward a common cause.

Exercise

Make someone's day. With this one, you won't even have to talk to anyone but you'll feel great. Pay for someone's order behind you at Starbucks, McD's, etc

Go a lake, river, etc and read a book/listen to music/take photos/run

Don't date until you enjoy your own company :-)

Hi ryrry

I think a lot of people think they;re bored because years of drinking has left them with a limited imagination about what else might be fun besides drinking.

I was on of those - I'd drunk for so long that drinking was my only pastime. It made watching the TV and channel surfing bearable...but sober me needed a lot more :)

There's some great ideas here that may help you decide on things to do that don't need alcohol.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html

The irritability will pass - give yourself a little time for mind and body to recover :)

D

I also listened to a lot of stories read on youtube, this is a past time of mine and I like it better than tv sometimes, I think it is a little less passively entertaining.

Suggestion? Go to AA and work the steps. That is what I did to fix the problem you describe. For me, being sober was horrible on my own.

Alcholism seems to have two sets of symptoms, the drinking ones, and the sober ones which make us so msierable we go back drinking. It was the sober symptoms I needed to treat, then drinking became unnecessary,

Great job on staying sober!! Keep it up!! Lots of good things already mentioned!!

Isolation is not healthy,especially in recovery.. Get out a couple times a day even if it's for 30 minutes or an hour, make yourself if you have to..

One thing I found very helpful in early recovery was going to a movie during the day, its a great way escape for a few hours and get your mind off other things for a bit!

I'm a big AA guy too, I'd go to my club and stay for 3-4 hours a day.. It's a great safe place to be and you learn a lot!

I'm in the AA group too. This last weekend, 4th of July, my local area had a Marathon. Meaning lots of different people sharing. Homemade BBQ too! THere are so many ways to be active in our new life of sobriety. Fun activities with the friends you make in recovery. I isolated in my drinking. Getting out to meet people again, not easy.

There's this thing in recovery called 'contrary action', for example: I don't want to leave my house, I'm fine watching TV by myself. ACTION: leaving house and going to that meeting. After Meeting...boy, I feel so much better! Maybe next time I'll join some fellows afterwards when they go to get a snack.

There is a solution.
:grouphug: Bobbi

How long sober ryry77 ?

Ryry Hi and welcome....

I said the same thing here 80 or so days clean.

It was a trigger to drink for me.

With 8 hours of work, 8 hours of sleep, prep time for both, and eating....you have about 3 or 4 hours of...me time...now that you are sober....

Everyone has their hobbies....past times...AA.....gym...building turbo chargers....puzzles...painting....playing guitar....

Those 4 hours are all there really is for....what used to be...getting drunk....

The weekend is obviously the toughest because some of us....me...have 2 full days off...how to fill 12 hours of me time...

It has already been said here....it is more than staying sober....it is staying sober and being happy....

Thanks for the post.

Engage with the folks here on SR more frequently.

You won't be a hermit forever. But if it takes being on your own and focusing on your recovery, then that's what you do to stay sober.

How are you today ryry?

I like park benches and roadside street curbs.

Heh i used to go waaaaaaay up the mountains to get away from it all, then look for cell signal and TEXT someone.

We can't be alone.

Sometimes a series of park bench strangers, to whom we confess that we hate everyone, might just drop a new gem of inspiration in the pocket.

When i really hate now i try to stick with news radio, and punish the world by turning it off. :) It's only myself i am looking at, after all.

Well that's one of my favorite things to do but, I force myself to go to AA, church and I exercise (a little).

When I was single, I attended a singles group at a local church. I think that you might find attending a similar group tolerable if willing to give it a try?

Mountainmanbob

My advice is don't decide things are horrible or that people are awful before you try. It's very easy to imagine worst possible boredom. Sometimes you will experience it, but usually things go a little more smoothly than that because people are working toward a similar goal, so it's not that hard to get in sync.

My second advice is that you have to try more than once. Sometimes it takes a couple of tries before something goes well. Just learn from each experience.

Hi ryry,

How long has it been since you quit?

Are there any hobbies that you enjoy, or once enjoyed, that you could pick up again? I didn't want to go out a lot at first (as I most often was in bars, etc), I got back into crocheting. Finished a HUGE afghan in about 3 weeks as a graduation gift. Working on it was therapeutic in many ways, it gave me time to reflect (on life in general, and on the person I was making it for), it kept my mind and hands occupied enough that I wasn't stewing too hard on anything, and I got to binge-watch some great Netflix :lmao. It also gave me a feeling of accomplishment when my nephew and the rest of my family raved over it when I finally did give it to him. I learned to crochet as a kid, and have done several projects over the last 30 years (including wonky doll scarves at 6 years old!) but it had been quite some time since I'd started (and especially finished) any, especially one so big.

Is there anything you used to enjoy doing, that you can reexplore? Or anything you've thought of doing (music/playing an instrument, drawing, writing, gardening, etc?) that you could give a try? With the internet nowadays, it's easier than ever to teach yourself (or you could find a class to get out of the house). Take a walk around a craft store and see if anything interests you, I'm always amazed at all of the different ideas you can get (making jewelry, lotion/soap, scrapbooking, the choices are really endless).

I also picked my gym membership back up and am getting back into that routine. It really is a mood-lifter.

I'm kind of just taking shots in the dark here, I know what helped me may not help you, but I'm hoping in some way it does!

I appreciate for all of those who wrote back. But I am a single mom with 2 boys with 2 deadbeat dads. I know you guys had no clue of this but getting suggestions to pay for other peoples meals and such really isn't doable for me. I get zero child support, zero government assistant and I just don't have a lot of extra money or time to do a lot of nice things for other people.

I think it's hard for single parents the world over to meet new people.

Maybe there's a support group in your neighborhood or something?

if you manage babysitting to get out to that,. I think something like AA would be very helpful in meeting new sober folks too :)

D

I had an AA friend who had nothing. Lived alone in his car. Had no shoes. He used to give away smiles. He was a happy man as a result.

Try focusing on one of the many suggestions that don't cost money. You are in a room full of open windows complaining about the one that is stuck.

Hi ryry, in the past when I had little money, the library was my best friend- free movies on dvd.

Usually dating is not suggested in recovery and may serve as a distraction from drinking temporarily but in the end you may end up drinking if there are stressors or even good times in the relationship.

It's ok to be alone and "hermit" like for a bit. Just make sure and focus on not drinking.