behindblueyes

I have a daughter. My ex and I are both alcoholics. He will not admit it but he has a DUI from hitting a parked car drunk, he left me to drink and so on.

As you can see from my posts, I admit it.

Tonight, my daughter and I were trying to sleep. There were a lot of fireworks going off. They were so bad that we couldn't sleep so I told her we could go outside for a few minutes.

We found a party, in the middle of the street, at 9pm. She saw everyone she knew from school. I was ok with it. I didnt see alcohol.

Within 10 minutes the police showed up and said no more. I saw the cop car first (why is that) I was ok with it because there were kids all around. The cops left.

One guy said "Hey you dont have to leave come on have a beer!"

I said the dumbest thing and said, thanks, but I have to walk my daughter home. Which was really only 20 steps.

However, when we left, she said, "Hey mom I guess you dont have that disease anymore that they talk about on TV"

I walked past the house and made her keep talking and she said that I had a disease where I couldnt stop what I am doing and I need to go to a hospital but I am ok now right?

I explained that alcohol makes you want more alcohol. And if you don't get more alcohol it make you throw up and shake. And sometimes you need more alcohol. Which makes it all worse. But how do I explain some is ok. To a 10 year old?

I hope she understands it. We walked another 5 miles tonite. I hope she doesn't end up like me. We kept walking and I just thought about how I wanted it to be like this forever. Before she gets into the alcohol...

Dee74

I reckon the best defence a kid can have is a parent who's had the experience of lasting recovery BBE

D

Forward12

This sounds like a strong wakeup call that it's time to stop drinking. Your daughter can see it's a problem. You don't want to have her keep seeing you in this state, and possibly start wanting to follow mom soon and start on her own alcohol journey which would be devastating.

Hawkeye13

Yes, my mother's drinking was my role model through teens and adulthood unfortunately. . .
Your daughter is young enough not to grow up with this--
you can break the cycle

Ariesagain

Sorry, duplicate post!

Ariesagain

She sounds like a very smart girl. Given that the DNA does seem to run in your family, maybe it's none too soon to explain that alcohol is an addictive toxin that has become socially acceptable, the way smoking was last century. How it is expensive, destructive, and unhealthy and that you wish you'd never touched it (if that's true)?

Kids respect truth and she'll be dealing with this soon enough, unfortunately.

Jeni26

I've struggled with alcoholism most of my adult life. My daughter has seen me at (almost) my worst. I've talked openly about my alcoholism and now at 20 years old, she has a really healthy relationship with it. She barely drinks at all.

I hope that the experience of living with me has opened her eyes a little. There's nothing more I can do or say to put things right.

Keep doing what you are doing BBE. Sounds good to me x

RaiseAnchor

I don't have any input personally as I don't have any children. I just wanted to comment that I really enjoyed reading this. I found it uplifting.

zjw

my kids saw a tv show and the topic that night was a character who was an alcoholic they then put 2 and 2 together....

my kids dont seem to have any interest at all in drinking or smokeing and get mad if i mention starting back up again. I hope they stay that way.

I know some who had parents who where alcholics and as a result never drank themselves. But i know others who also ended up alcoholics. I dont know what the magical answer is but enjoy it as it is while you can etc..

August252015

^just curious zjw - why do you mention starting up again? [non-judgmental voice]

The original question - do you attend meetings? I ask bc I am in AA and my sponsor also has a 10 yr old daughter. My sponsor will be 3 yrs sober in Oct and she has involved her daughter since very early in her sobriety; her daughter has been to meetings with her. I also see children at meetings sometimes (babies are clueless, obviously, but the 4,5, 8, etc...they are learning). If you are working a program, maybe it is not a bad idea at all to find ways to include her, appropriate to her age and interest in learning and all those developmental things. Perhaps Adult Children of Alcoholics or other resources could help with starting this.

Sounds like you are aware of the need to talk and share with her. Personally, I would want guidance on how best to do this as y'all go along - I imagine you have anxiety over what to tell her and whether you'll be helping her or not!!

Staying aware - for all of us and I would think particularly those with children- and HONEST are ... critical.

Good luck.

ardy

hugs Mom you have a very smart young lady there.. she worries about you.. and this shows how much you love each other..

zjw

August252015

I dunno in terms of talking to my kids many times i've smelled a cigarette and mentioned that smells awesome i'd love to smoke agian but i cant rarara and my son would be like I'm not ognna let ya!!

The same might be true of booze I'd see some beer in a store and be like wow that looks like a good flavor for a good time and my son or daughte rwill be like DAD NOO i'm like oh it'll eb fun!! i'm never very serious just off on a fantasy i know that will never come true.

But in terms of my interaction with other adults or my own thoughts I do think soemtimes Oh i had a bad day or whatever my excuse is perhaps i should drink etc... My kids never see that side tho really i dont think. maybe i'm fooling myself? lol.

I dont have any intention of drinking. But i have my moments in a fit of rage or somethign RAOOR i should just drink.

ScottFromWI

Kids are a lot smarter and more intuitive than we give them credit for sometimes. All of my kids know I don't drink anymore because I drank too much in the past, and they all know it's a good thing.

behindblueyes

Oh they know. I just feel bad for all those other kids who were with the parents drinking.

Then again, they could be the one beer and quit type.

Pixus

Completely agree with this. I've always been honest with my 22 year old daughter about my problems with alcohol and she barely drinks too. The secrets and lies leave our kids even more susceptible to carrying on the traditions. They know something's wrong already, we can't hide it. But if they don't know what we're battling, how will they know what to keep an eye out for themselves? Also the lying just makes them unable to trust their feelings which leaves them vulnerable to all sorts of awful situations.

You're doing the right thing by talking to her about it