Lying
 

Am I a pathological liar or is it the alcohol? I weave a web of them between my girlfriend, parents, aunts, etc....Is it me or the alcohol?

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For me it was a little of both - I didn't like who I was and lies built me up a bit.

Other lies helped me get out of responsibilities so I could drink more, and other lies got me out of trouble for drinking... I was 'sick' not drunk.

D

I can't remember which started first :(

Started lying to survive as a kid, alcohol didn't make me a liar. Would have even great if I was an honest person before drinking, could have just stopped drinking and hey presto:)

Me too. I was a liar as a kid, 15 years before drink...yikes.

apperenlty I'm just a liar.

I was also a liar before I ever started drinking. the alcohol intensified it and I had a crapton of lies- so much so my life( which was really just an existence) was just one big lie.
the great thing is that changed when I got sober. the change didn't happen overnight, but with a lot of work it has.

with the added benefit that im no longer existing and am now living.

I hope for me too.

I used to lie and bend the truth when I was younger. ( I was always worrying about what others thought. I had to be kool. I was afraid of offending anyone). As I got older I found life was so much easier for me,if I just put all of my cards on the table right from the getgo. I stopped lying,and pretending long before I quit drinking. Except to myself. When it came to drinking,I most always lied to myself.
Why not quit drinking to see just where you stand. Or better yet ,quit lying and drinking both. Doesn't it appear that life would get easier without both of these things throwing wrenches in the works?

Couldn't be honest with myself or anyone else. I seemed unable to see or face the reality of my existence.

Took the steps and had something of a personality change especially around honesty. Dishonesty of any kind makes me very uncomfortable these days.

Its actually interesting to ponder this. Yes, I'm a liar. Where did it start? Childhood. It was subtle...I wasn't allowed to think or feel anything that didn't fall in line with the family 'party' line. So I learned to hide my feelings. Because I wasn't able to be me, I created a me that would work in my family. Well that's one big lie. Then, because 'me' wasn't ok, I would create stories to make me more interesting...or embellish. Well that just grew and grew. And yes, alcohol made it worse. I moved past the lying quite a long time ago. But I lie about my drinking and I hide it....so there's that!

Not necessarily. I was a liar as a child, too. I lied to save myself in a dysfunctional family. I said whatever I needed to say in the moment to protect myself from physical and verbal abuse.

We are alcoholics because we have developed faulty ways of dealing with life. Escape through alcohol, building a false persona by changing our feelings by taking alcohol. It stands to reason that this won't be the only wonky strategy we've developed. The good news is that as we work through our recovery we can learn new and better ways to deal with life on life's terms, and rid ourself of those deceitful and manipulative ways.

There's a really good documentary on Netflix right now called "(Dis)Honesty."

Humans lie. It's just a fact. Even though I try not to, sometimes I lie to spare someone's feelings or to get out of doing something distasteful. I just accept it's part of human nature. I heard someone the other day say, "I never lie." Then he went on to say, "White lies are okay."

Where does one draw the line? I've stopped being the judge and executioner, but I doubt anyone goes through life without small lies. . .letting the phone go to voicemail when there is no reason not to answer (other than I don't want to talk to _ _ _ _ _.) Saying someone isn't home because that person doesn't want to talk. Telling someone they look great in that outfit. Cooing over something I don't care about. Nodding in silent agreement with someone when what I want to do is say, "That's not right." Sometimes the resulting argument with near strangers is not worth it.

With all that said, I have very little to hide these days and it feels really good. Alcohol definitely brought out the worst in me and at the same time robbed me of the ability to discern right from wrong in many cases. I didn't care about myself or anyone else - I'm glad to be away from that sad life.

I think the most common cause of lying is to COVER UP things we do not want exposed and avoid getting into trouble. Most people instinctively want to be trouble-free, so when something comes up that might get them in trouble, they can get pretty crafty with the lies.

This tendency can be changed by being more honest, upright, forthright and doing the right things. And: when you do mess up or make a mistake, instead of lying about it, fess up and deal with the consequences. Having to deal with the consequences of your own actions is a real game-changer for sure.

So, stay out of trouble, Jared, if that's one of your issues. Whenever you get into trouble, own up to your part of it, be honest with yourself first and honest with others. Let the cookie crumble over the TRUTH. And, remember the truth will always win even if it wins in ways we don't expect.

BTW: I give you credit for admitting you are a pathological liar.

Being honest and transparent isn't something that comes naturally for most people. But, if you want to live an honest life, it's totally possible.

I agree with Berrybean, we try to escape via alcohol, other substances, or BOTH. Other addictions such as shopping/overspending, gambling, relationships,overeating, workaholism, being a control freak, whatever...they provide a temporary escape...but life has a way or always reverting back to the truth. And, those various 'escapes' CREATE more IMBALANCE in our lives; contributing to the "mess" we find ourselves in!

It seems like no matter how hard we try to avoid the truth, it either catches up to us, or we run into it again somewhere[ in whatever path we are on]. It's like the truth is just always there somewhere...and try as we may to cover it up, avoid it, escape it, run from it,whatever...there is like this day of reckoning when we have run as far as we can run away from the truth.

We have to stop running and face the truth. That takes courage. By facing the truth, we are not likely to get that initial "feel good" escape that alcohol can bring. But the end result will be a more lasting peace.

Gotta figure out WHY you lie. Ask yourself, "What am I trying to avoid by lying?"