Anxiety bordering on panic when asked to speak
 

Hello friends,
I've been sober a long time and sharing my story isn't new to me. We recently moved to new area and I've been asked to speak in the coming week. I am so anxious and scared that I can hardly think. It is ALWAYS like this for me. I didn't sleep well last night and it is sheer torture until it is over. I do manage to do it and ask God to guide my words. It is such a relief when I am finished. I see others doing it with comfort and ease and even enjoyment and lightheartedness. My sponsor said it is my ego.
Yes I agree because I am afraid of how I will be perceived by others, afraid that I won't remember my story, afraid that I'll talk too much about the dark past and not enough about my recovery and working the steps and using the tools.
Would be so grateful to hear how others approach sharing your story with a group of drunks? Do you feel crippling anxiety? And if so, how do you handle it? I am feeling like nurse Jackie in the TV series. She popped a pill (narcotic) before she told her story at her anniversary meeting. That thought has actually crossed my sick mind. Thanks in advance for your experience strength and hope.

Grateful, you are not alone! I have a fear of public speaking as well. I always have, I sweat, my heart pounds, my hands shake, my voice shakes, it's absolutely horrible. I remember in college I even went to counseling for it specifically for my senior project presentation. The counselor prescribed me beta blockers. I've thought of joining clubs like toast masters to get over this fear but haven't yet. I'm interested to hear what the others have to say about it.

Goneundone
I think there are probably many like us. My sponsor tells me always to say yes when asked so I do. Our fears are really just illusions and they must be faced or they come back to bite us. That is the only reason I say yes. I intuitively know I must face the fear.....because if I hide from it, that is like taking a drink for me. That is why the fourth step fear inventory is there. It must be dealt with. I guess I am answering part of my own question. I will not let this fear have its way with me. So I will always say yes but just wish it weren't so darned painful.

I can definitely relate. I just gave my second talk last night. I've been sober just over 14 months and wasn't asked to speak until I reached one year. I get the same buildup of anxiety, worrying I'll run out of things to say before the time is up, worrying my mind will go completely blank and I'll just stand there like a deer in the headlights, etc. Another member of my group told me we all suffer from that, especially at first. Last night I joked that, while that may be true, I've yet to see anyone pass out or throw up during their talk, but "the night's still young, so stick around!" :) It went well, though. I think the key is to pray about it, keep focused on the reason you are giving your talk, which is to help the still sick and suffering alcoholic, or to maybe say something that touches someone who has substantial sober time but is struggling with something similar. I heard from several people after my talk that something I said made that kind of impact. In other words, remember that even though our talk is an account of our personal experiences, ultimately it isn't really about us.

Getmeout
Thanks so much! It really does help to know I'm not alone in these feelings.
Congratulations on one year!

Performance Anxiety
 

I've struggled with this before. It's better now. So, what helped me?

Well, I got tired of FEELING THAT WAY!! I knew something had to CHANGE. Either I needed to stop performing because it caused so much STRESS or I needed to change how I FELT while I was performing and BEFORE I was performing...(because sometimes the pre-show jitters can cause a paralysis of sorts).

What didn't help was that my band mates were more anxious than I was. But somehow, the show went on and we did okay. 2 of our band members felt the need to drink before a performance, but I never did that.

Now then, how did I change my anxiety? I just adopted this attitude of PRETENDING I was just pickin' and singin' at a jam session or an informal setting in front of family and friends. I also sometimes pretended I was just playing in my bedroom alone with no one there except me and God. I told all my band mates that they needed to stop being so anxious and "Let's just pretend that when we get up on stage we are simply sittin' around making music together."

Try this when you have to get up and speak.

Maybe pretend that you are just talking to God. Or, pretend that you are just having a conversation with a few friends or family members. NO PRESSURE!!

Tell yourself there is NO PRESSURE.

Hope some of this helps. Take what you need and leave the rest, it's cool.

I don't know how old you are, but worrying about how I am perceived by others is something that has gradually dwindled over the years....Not saying I never have anxiety, but I honestly do not worry too much about what others may think or how others perceive me.

Friend, the only One you should be worried about how they perceive you is God, and He can perceive you so much better than other people. And, He is more gracious and merciful than people are. So, just try to tell yourself that what you are doing is between you and God. That maybe might help.

Thy will, not mine, be done.
ive done quite a few open talks through the years. stil get antsy before.
I ask God to speak through me.
I make no plan on what im going to say other than share some what I used to be like, what happened and what im like now.

and leave the outcome in Gods hands.

Your anxiety and panic are fairly normal, amigo.

I brought my First Step notes with me when I told my story for a long time until it started to flow without any effort on my part.

Ask God for help.

It's about the message you impart - not about you.

You have the opportunity to help some people.

Let us know how it goes.

Well, I've never presented at an AA meeting, but the methods for effective public speaking should be the same for most venues.

I have to speak to groups varying between 6 people and sometimes up to 500. I do the same preparation regardless.

1. Write down the entire presentation word for word.
2. Present it in front of the mirror 10 times, 20 times, or as many as you can.
3. Refine the words based on how you adlib when presenting to the mirror
4. Cut the refined speech down to dot points and print them on cue cards.
5. Practice in front of the mirror another few times until you can do the speech without cue cards.
6. Practice in front other people you trust as many time as you can. Keep the cards in your pocket. Don't refer to them unless you get stuck.
7. Even if you get stuck or say something slightly wrong, your audience is veryunlikely to know.
8. Practice, practice, practice.

You are now an expert at presentations.

If you are still so so nervous that you shake and think you might faint see the doctor and ask about propanolol. If it's suitable for you, it will take away the fight/flight feeling and help you present.

If you do get propanolol make sure you practice whilst on it too.

Hope this helps.

Another thought I had was this:

What we SAY starts in our head, heart, and soul and comes out of our mouths.

So, I think it's important to be in good touch with how you are really feeling and in touch with your experience and your soul connected where it should be. Does that sound like a lot? It might, but no pressure. Just tell yourself to just be yourself and act naturally.

The place of prayer is extremely helpful and I say can anything ABOUT anything to Him and I'm not gonna get knocked down for it or feel like I have failed myself. Prayer is so awesome and powerful.


I really don't think God minds if you practice your speech on Him. Maybe He even welcomes it!

I know how it feels to be under pressure and when the heat is on. You know what? I just reached a point where I thought "This is nuts. I need to find a way to mellow out" (without turning to drugs or alcohol) Music is an awesome help.

It was suggested to me by my sponsor and others in my group that it's best not to write down, plan, or rehearse your talk and to "just let God speak through you." I say "suggested" because it wasn't a requirement to not do those things in preparation. I don't think God minds if we use whatever tools we have available to be the most effective when we speak. The primary purpose when doing so should be to reach at least one person in the room who can benefit from anything we say. I wrote a simple outline of sorts on an index card just to help keep me on track, but as I was doing my talk, I found I rarely ever needed to look down at it. The talk sort of just flowed once I got started. It really does have a lot to do with your mind and soul being in the right place. Looking back, it didn't feel like me who was doing the talking. Seriously.

Hello Grateful

No, you're not alone in this, as you can tell from other posters, and yes, me too.

And the harder a time I gave myself about it, the worse it got. Then, a form of acceptance came, after so many painful experiences....that I am not a natural speaker; that this is an aside from my alcoholism - it's not even ego, it's a personality trait; it's called introversion - and that is not a deficiency, it's just a way of being in the world that doesn't predispose one to naturally being a good talker. I am not a good talker. So, I leave that to the folks that are....

There are many other ways to provide service to other alcoholics, and I am more suited to making tea, updating a website, reading committee papers and providing a summary of them, sponsoring other women, doing telephone service...the list is pretty long, and I have no reservation in saying I don't do chairs - experience tells me it is not a valuable experience on either side.....but if you need someone to make the tea, or put the chairs out, I'm your woman.....

AA is a place of huge diversity, and it has to have space for all kinds that's its beauty. There are many ways to be of service, all of which contribute to our helping each other, and keeping the fellowship going....and while we may all be alcoholics, we're not all cut from the same cloth and the expectation that we are, or should be, seems flawed to me.

Wish you well

Yeah man, I had a lot of trouble sharing in a meeting and was horrified at the prospect of speaking at length. Couldn't string 2 thoughts together, everything I thought of saying would fly out of my head leaving me with a big nothing and everyone in the room looking at me. But it slowly got better, I made a determination to always speak when my turn or if asked and by repetition I slowly lost my fear.

What helped a bunch for chairing a meeting was recommendations as in previous postings on writing things out and practicing, but what really helped was marking the prepared text where I should take a breath and then adjusting the marks as I read it over and over for practice. Then, when giving the speech I know where the pauses are and have confidence that I know what I'm going to say and how. Part of my panic was not knowing where to take a breath so I'd rush and get freaked out. I've chaired about 6 or so times now in a few different meetings and the abject paralyzing terror has faded to general discomfort which is a huge improvement.

I generally offer a silent prayer before I start speaking, that I speak my truth and stay out of the way... its helped a lot.

What an honor to be asked to speak of your experience! You must have a lot of worthwhile things to say to people who are looking for hope and inspiration. That's where I think you start. Try to remember how you felt when you were in their shoes and speak from the heart.

That said, I absolutely hate public speaking and create all sorts of anxiety for myself when forced to do it! Or at least I used to, haven't done it in while.

You have something of value to share, and yur audience wants to hear it. Good luck!!

Thanks to all
 

Thanks so much for all your wise suggestions. ,,..so helpful. I told my story today and it went fine. This is a fear that I must face. My past is dark. I was very sick indeed. I heal myself and others in the telling
Saying no today when being asked to speak is not an option for me.....I hope saying no is never an option. The fear is part of my disease that gets bigger every time I run from it. I did that for all the years I drank and am through with hiding. I've been sober for 24 years and yes, it is still an issue but every time I face it, I get better. You all helped more than u know:tyou

I relate very much to Pipefish's experience as far as coming to terms with my lack of finesse in the area of public speaking. I'm just not that great a speaker. :) And that's ok, because I have other talents. Writing is one of them.

That aside, I did notice that once I got and stayed sober my general level of anxiety greatly diminished. I've been able to speak quite comfortably in groups of people for the first time in my adult life. That's a good feeling. I'm still not totally comfortable with it, and that's ok.

Maybe you will eventually find some peace with your speaking abilities and level of comfort.

I am glad you were helped by the replies here...

I got up and gave a testimonial recently in a large group gathering of about 700 people. For the first time ever I had absolutely no ANXIETY, no FEAR, no APPREHENSION, no SHAKING KNEES, no TREMBLING VOICE, no SHORTNESS OF BREATH...ALL the things I usually feel when in that situation. I just got uip and kept my focus where it should be and all went well. I don't know exactly what was different this time around other than I am in a better place and have grown in healthy ways. I feel SOOOO much better!! You will too the longer you embrace sobriety.

Best to you...

I really like this approach, TS, and I don't know how many times I have been brought back to a place of earnest prayer with an attitude of:

"Never the less, not my will but Thine be done."

That type of prayers and mentality is a life changing and somehow gives one the strength and/or fortitude to do what is being asked of you. I also feel an immediate relief and peace when I put it in God's hands.

Soldier on....