My AV was strong lastnight
 

As I was trying to go to sleep lastnight I kept thinking how when I was pregnant I was able to have just one drink (only a few times throughout the 8 months after I found out). And so lastnight I was trying to convince myself once again that I can do moderation. Pregnancy was the only time in my life I wasn't a problem drinker and I was happy with one glass of wine. Surprisingly, I really had zero desire for alcohol while I was pregnant. So lastnight I started kind of making deals with myself.. 3 months sobriety for one glass of wine (ok maybe two-but that's it (but really who am I kidding? I don't want just one or two!)).. I realize this is flawed thinking and I'm disappointed in myself for thinking like this again. I think I'm having strong cravings right now and discouraged that I can never drink again. I know I should think in terms of 24 hours but I think I feel sad about it. This is my Day 6. I just wanted to tell someone. I can't go to any meetings because I have a baby and no one to watch her - I've never actually ever been to a meeting. Thanks for reading.

Hang tight, it's day 6. ;) It can take a long time, weeks to months to a couple years, to silence the addict voice, and I know for me even 5+ years in I still occasionally (very rarely) hear it. I just smile and nod and pass those thoughts on by if they come up (now, only in new-to-sobriety situations, of which there aren't many left) - nice try, addict voice, but I know your ways and you'll never succeed in taking over my frontal lobes again.

Congratulations on day 6 remember you can reach out anytime there's always someone here to help

Hi goneundone :)

I think it's pretty common for our addicted self to try and rationalise we can moderate.

You'll have those rationalisations less and less as you gorw into a sober life :)

Thoughts are thoughts - it's what we do in response that counts - you stayed sober...that's a win :)

Thoughts don't have to become actions if we don't want. Just talk back to that voice and tell it to take a hike. :) I've got over six years sober and sometimes get thoughts of drinking, but easily dismiss them for the lies they are. :)