Can't Seem to Stop
 

Even after being sick in bed on Monday and most of Tuesday, I still drank too many beers yesterday. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. My anxiety is through the roof and I can't sleep. My husband is also an alcoholic and almost admits it. He can't quit either. He went 5 days and I went 9 without drinking last month. I was doing good until he decided to bring home beer that Friday. If it's not in the house I'm not as likely to drink. But if it's staring me in the face I can't stop myself. I'll wake up and drink it.
My head just feels like it's spinning. I have so many things I need to do right now and I can't focus because I'm either sick or buzzed.
I've been in the hospital many times with alcoholic hep and they said cirrhosis but that isn't for sure but, probable. I know if I don't stop I'm killing myself and he knows it too.

Today is my first day to not drink again and I hope he decides that for himself too, but I know I can't blame it on him.
Also, having social anxiety. I haven't been out of the house for over a week. Getting out today though. I'm so glad I found this site. There are so many wonderful people on here. Thanks for listening.

The anxiety was actually much much worse from drinking for me.
When you are stopped for a bit, even just a week or two, you may
find it really goes away.
It did for me.

My husband also brings booze in the house.
I just made a rule for myself that I wasn't touching any alcohol
no matter where it was.
I also got myself some other things to drink like juice and soda water,
herbal tea, and of course gourmet ice cream for when I really wanted
to drink. The ice cream saved me many times.

You can do it Marissa--the anxiety will get better and you will get rest
and feel better sober.
The beginning is tough, but the results will be worth it :)

Please get help, Marissa. The day I went to the ER my anxiety was off the charts and I thought I was going to die. That was my Day 1 and it was a little over seven years ago. Since then, my body and mind have healed incredibly well.

I know it's hard, but you must stop the madness before it's too late.

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

Hi Marissa. It's good you're here :) I know you're feeling overwhelmed right now. It really does help to think in terms of one day at a time...or even just the next 5 minutes if necessary, rather than stressing yourself out by thinking of everything all at once. Do you have a plan for your recovery this time? AA? Rehab?

Sometimes I feel it's already too late and I'm waiting for a bomb to go off. It's that thought of how much longer do I have to live?
I do have low dose Xanax for the anxiety. But I'm experiencing liver pain. I don't want to go through the pain of cirrhosis. My last ER visit was 5/2012. Through the grace of God I haven't had any symptoms of alcoholic hep or cirrhosis. I know I have liver damage though and right now my face looks really bad. Just scared now I guess.

Well, a doctor is the one to best answer that question. However, if your body is in fact breaking down you need to do something about the drinking.

Now, how you do that is up to you but you probably will need help.

My uncle was told flat out to stop drinking. If he kept it up he was going to die. He stopped. Cold turkey. No AA . No nothing. Just stopped.

However, I needed a support group (AA) to stop own out of control drinking.

In any case keep posting. You'll find lots of support here.

^^^Quitting cold turkey can be deadly for some people. Always consult a doctor about quitting. Medical detox may be necessary. Ken with all due respect, your uncle sounds like a "heavy drinker" and not an alcoholic. Alcoholics can not stop even if told they're going to die if they don't. Many alcoholics die this way thinking they can just stop.

Please don't give up. I couldn't quit on my own and if I kept trying to quit on my own, it would've killed me. Alcoholism is not a disease to handle through will power or people saying "just stop".

Ask for help. Medical detox + rehab + AA

Thanks Centered3. I don't think I need medical detox at this point, but I do need therapy and probably AA. I did AA before but only made it a month before the social anxiety was too much. There is a church near by that offers meetings that I want to attend.

cant hurt to check out the meetings. when i quit i left what beer i had in the fridge. For starters I was really scared i wouldnt make it and wanted to have something just in case. Also i thought what if i get teh DT's? I also didnt want to just waste good beer or pour it like i had some kinda problem ( i was in denial) I also thought tho if i do have an issue I"m gonna need to be able to say no to this stuff even if its smaken me up the head day in and day out. I dunno that i recomend this appraoch to quiting. I was probably playing with fire in hindsite. BUt i figured i needed to be strong and say no even if its right there begging me to drink it etc..

My point is it can be done people do quit even when there partners do not etc... Its hard tho I will not say its easy!

I'd scope out the meeting i have social anxiety issues too and often go and just sit there. Just hearing whats going on is good for me. I dont have to mingle or participate etc..

Hi Marissa, I wonder if that might just be a comforting delusion. From observations i am gathering about this odd planet, the 'God entity' doesn't really play favorites that way.

I myself have become heavily alcoholic, to my surprise and chagrin, since i love drinking, but it boomeranged on me and was taking me out of the game. I was astonished to realize that no matter what i threw at it, at times, I was absolutely unable to leave it alone, and once started, just couldn't stop, becoming deranged, soaked in poison and misery.

In despair and surrender one sad day, I gave up the fight, bowed my proud defiant angry self pitying head, and decided to try that stupid God recipe that some AAs had told me about, best i could figure how in my wallowing. No longer would i demand anything. I would resolutely try to discover what they call 'gods will' and do that best i could figure. Very simple concept and wholly open to imagination and interpretation.

Within a few short weeks I started to find myself in an unexpected new zone of existence, full of the incredible, and I suddenly realized that the former impossible urge to drink had slipped away by itself. I have been very skeptical but I threw myself into the literature of Alcoholics Anonymous for further guidance, and despite my former protestations about the whole God idea, it is working exactly as they said it did for them.

I had tried 'prayer' before, but only really in the nature of a pissy lottery ticket type of demand for service and attention, angry customer that i am :)

I have taken a keen new interest now, in some of the very strange things that God types of people say, since i knew nothing about it, seeming delusional.

There was one guy in the christian game, who made a statement once, to the effect of 'the only miracle i come to bring you is the miracle of jonah'. Provides for interesting meditation. Most religious thought seems to agree that the whole god thing culminates in compassion, freedom of spirit, an uncanny humor and power to live with tremendous satisfaction. I don't know but the willingness to quit my game and try this other one has absolutely taken away my drink dilemma.

I just thought, if you seriously mean business, and aren't too irritated by the concept of a 'god', then you might want to check it out.

It seems us alcoholic types have been abnormally fearful people, oversensitive and overly reactive to life. Though the mental health profession finds a lucrative loyal repeat customer base in us, looking around, I am personally not too impressed with the results they are getting, compared to the very simple ideas AA presents. I am meeting hundreds of drinkers recovering at their meetings. Hundreds.

I am still smoking a hole in my lungs among loads of other problems, but i am becoming so fascinated with this giving up my life routine, that even it hardly seems to worry me. It's really pretty neat.

Check it out! Cheers.

I'm rooting for you, Marissa.

If it helps, all of us as newcomers had bad social anxiety. It's okay. We're there to help you. Let us know how the meeting in the church nearby goes. If you need to "bookend" with calling for therapists, feel free to do that with us. :grouphug:

I'm hoping I feel better in a few days. I know the first 3 days or so is tough. Did anyone else here feel bloated after drinking? It's not real bad but uncomfortable.

Please go see a doctor, from what you said about medical issues and the fact that in 2012 they were saying you might have cirrhosis, it can't hurt to get a doctor that knows your history and can help you navigate withdrawal symptoms and help you make a plan for the future to help you heal and treat your body.

Have you made a recovery plan? AA would be a good start, journaling can help keep you honest with yourself and help you see your progress and where you recovery is lacking. I know it is hard when there is alcohol in the house, but you can't control your husbands drinking so you will have to make a plan to how to handle triggers, cravings, and weak moments.

YOU CAN DO THIS!

Hi Marissa :)

I think a plan can really help. There's a great amount of advice in this link:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D

I agree quitting cold turkey can be dangerous. However, my uncle said he was an alcoholic and it's up to the individual to make the call. I've met a number of people in AA who I suspect might not be alcoholics but they say they are. So they are .

Actually/literally, this is not true. If this were true, a whole lot of us would be dead, and no alcoholic could recover.

(o:

I am thinking C3 means cannot stop on their own power, or cannot stay stopped. The hard drinker gets a good reason to stop, like doctors advice, and can stop, or moderate, permanently.

The alcoholic gets the advice and immediately takes a drink to help him absorb it.

I lost the power of choice in drink. I had all the very best reasons to stop yet I could not. I was without defence against the first drink and often found myself drinking without any conscious thought.

The comes AA and as Silkworth obsereved, someone like me who seems doomed, "suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire to drink, the only effort required being to follow a few simple rules," which resulted in a complete pysychic change etc.

My school mates all stopped or moderated and were constantly held up as an example. That brought on total despair. So they can stop, WHY CAN'T I?.

The reason was that I fit the description of the real alcoholic in the AA big book, and something more than my own, or any human power was required for me to be able to stop permanently.