15 Days, I think...
 

So, good news... I am 15 days sober. I'm hoping anyway. Tonight at work I ran into a little problem. I have a bottle of peppermint schnapps filled with water so that I have something to drink in front of the people that really push the shots. It might not be the best idea, but it removes the pressure without having to actually take a drink.

My boss has this stupid and illegal little thing he does where he fills up all the liquor bottles every morning so that he doesn't have to give out as many free shots when someone kills the bottle. Well, even though he knew about my marked bottle that sits in the back of the cooler, he must have forgotten and topped it off with the schnapps. I didn't know this until I took one of my "shots." It was still very watery - I couldn't even see a difference in consistency when I poured it, but I definitely tasted the mint. My stomach just dropped. I can't actually say I've gone fifteen days without a drop of liquor. Do I still get to consider myself 15 days sober? Does it count? I'm really disappointed.

I had just a moment where the thought that I had screwed it up anyway so I might as well just continue drinking it... but I quickly dismissed that and strictly refused any shots all night, since I had no alternative. I do think it's good that I was able to shut down my AV so quickly and easily, but I still feel a little defeated by the whole situation.

I can see why you done what you done but it is a lot easier & a lot less troublesome just to say no thanks I don't drink if someone persists just repeat & stand firm saying no thanks I don't drink

I'd scrap this idea your currently employing asap

Sounds low it was an accident to me, but id agree with soberwolf that you are really pushing the envelope with your job situation. Why not just say no thanks when people do shots? You are the bartender and in charge of the situation.

Well, for one, these people have known me for quite a long time. They know I was a big drinker. I'm done bartending in 6 weeks. I was just trying to get through the summer, and it was working as an alternative. "No, thanks..." just doesn't work. I've tried to explain that before. I'm guessing most of you haven't bartended before, and probably not in anything like the local dive bars I work in.

I actually bartended for several years during college so I do understand completely well how it works. You do have a choice, and you are legally responsible as a server to maintain a safe environment actually. Your friend might not "like" it but you have every right to simply say no.

You said in your original post that you refused shots from the bottle that had alcohol in it. What's stopping you from doing that again?

Yeahhhh, I hear excuses and justifications here. Stop - full stop.

I also worked as a server and bartender and while I was drinking during almost all of this time- I didn't have to. Also know other (one specific one I am thinking of- a VERY successful longtime bartender) who don't drink.

Turn the focus on others' fun - a "that way you have all the fun" kinda thing. But you need to stop letting this all be an excuse, or even just a situation where you are setting yourself up for a "slip."

I don't think you've lost your 15 days but I think continuing this way is setting yourself up to blow your sobriety, full stop.

This may sound harsh, but sometimes the truth is. What do you want most? To be sober or not?

Good luck.

Great job on 15 days.. the first couple of weeks are always the hardest.. but now will come the internal struggle.. The accidental shot doesn't count, but pretending to drink is setting yourself up for failure. I've also known several bartenders in years past who didn't drink. It always gave me pause to think on my own drinking. It doesn't need to involve a philosophical dialogue, just tell them the truth if anyone asks. Maybe it will help some of them too, and it will strengthen your own resolve as well as remove the option of drinking.