Zaec

Thank you for the beautiful messages everyone.

Today is day 14 fro me and it was a pretty okay day. It is also Youth day in South Africa so I'd like to send a shout out to the brave kids who fought for our freedom with their lives in 1976. The day the youth changed South Africa's history. Here's to the ones who didn't make the headlines, to the unnamed individuals who paid with their lives.



We are also celebrating anti-bullying week which is just as special to me.

My husband took me out for breakfast this morning and so far the day is going well. Being a public holiday many will be partying today but I will remain sober. About to go fetch my kids from school. They don't get off on public holidays as they are on a Cambridge curriculum. It was nice just being with the hubby today. It rarely happens.

I am so sleepy all the time, it's weird. I use to sleep at 11h30pm at night but now 10h00pm is almost too late and I find myself struggling to stay awake. I also notice the bloating is going away and I look so much brighter? Not sure why but I am not complaining. I am planning to just watch some movies with the family for the rest of the day and not leave the house after fetching the kids.

I wish you all a happy and sober day! We are in this together (my favourite SR saying)

Zaec

One has to really have your guard up. I was feeling so in control today. Around 3pm I just wanted a glass of wine. It is freezing here and all I wanted was a glass of wine. I am still craving but I will wait for it to pass. I foresee another early night. I also play the story in my head and I know if I do I'd be so disappointed tomorrow. I will not drink today!

Hevyn

It was called the Soweto Uprising Zaec? I remember that tragic picture.

I was exhausted in the early days too, but I didn't sleep well at first. I hope you're able to get a good rest. We need to heal. Congrats on your 14 days of sobriety.

Zaec

Yes the Soweto uprising. I am impressed that you know that. As a mixed race woman born into Apartheid, I celebrate days like these.

I have actually been sleeping okay so far. In fact I am sleeping my heart out. I remember the last time I tried to get sober, I had lots of insomnia filled nights as well as waking up with sweat down my back. This time it is a bit different so I might as well go all the way now before it's worse. I just wish the anxiety attacks would take a hike. It's the one unpleasant side affect for me.

Today is one of those cold days again and it's Friday. I am going to have to have my guard up extra high today. I will try and avoid the grocery stores today and just wing it as far as dinner goes. Hopefully I will be okay through the weekend. Right now I have no cravings but then again it's only around 8am. I will not drink today.

I am starting to really feel better. It's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders but my AV voice is still very strong. Early days I guess

Zaec

Everything was planned out so nicely for the weekend. My husband just booked accommodation at the beach for us. We will be going tomorrow so Saturday and Sunday night . This should be great news but it is also the time we drink the most.

My plan is to enjoy the holiday and spend some quality time with the kids in the water. The weather seems to be good tomorrow.

My motto will be "I no longer drink. " I will definitely appreciate some prayers. Why am I so stressed about something so beautiful. We don't get away often and the only reason this happened is because we got a really good rate as someone else cancelled. This is good right?

Hevyn

It's so hard to let go of something that was once fun & relaxing. I was resentful & sorry for myself for a while. I think it's normal. The benefits begin to outweigh everything else though. You'll feel a little strange at the beach - but I hope you have a great time.

Zaec

So the weekend away was good. We didn't have good internet reception but I did manage to do about 10kms of walking which is great.

I am still here. Work has been so busy today. We had a terrible experience driving back home which took away the good feeling of the holiday.

With elections coming up a lot of people are protesting. Two cars infront of us were attacked. The one was stoned with bricks and another torched. This was very traumatic for my small children and us included. We managed to turn the car around to take an alternative route, that took an hour longer, only to find the same thing happening. Luckily after a while the cops came and we could pass. I've never been so happy to get home.

Usually our part of the country is very peaceful but these protests caused such alarm. My nerves are shot but I am still here. God really had His hand over my family last night. I am a bit drained but glad my family got home unharmed.

Soberwolf

Glad you got home safe Zaec

Berrybean

I can't even start to imagine living where there are riots like that. It must be really, really scary.

Zaec

It really was. Not completely over it yet. Still a bit jumpy but atleast I'm sober and can focus on comforting the kids. Appreciating sobriety more and more.

Berrybean

Not surprised that you enjoy still jumpy. Hope you and the kids recover from the experience soon. And like you say, thank goodness your sober and emotionally available for your kids. X

Hevyn

Zaec - I'm sorry you had that awful experience. Proud of you for not caving - and I'm glad you had a good weekend. Walking & keep busy is key in the early days.

Zaec

Thank you my friend. This morning I feel much better. I need to find more ways to keep busy. Reading is definitely helping me.

Whay type of things do you do to keep busy?

Dee74

I'm glad you're ok Zaec.

D

Hevyn

Hi Zaec.
When I was first getting sober I needed to keep my mind occupied all the time. Otherwise, I'd overthink everything. I knew I just needed to push forward to the day when I'd feel calmer. I wasn't working at the time, so I was able to watch movies, read, do crosswords, go for walks. Nothing very exciting. I spent a lot of time here at SR.

I'm glad to know you're feeling better. Everything will improve as you heal.

Zaec

Nothing much exciting happening lately. Work, home, school is pretty much my routine these days. Oh I did watch a pretty cool movie last night after my husband passed out. I am becoming obsessed with different types of tea so I made a cup of tea and watched this movie. I have not been craving today and it's freezing so that says something. As soon as it got cold I would crave red wine or sherry. Now I crave some rooibos tea!!!

Life's good otherwise. I have been looking at my husband through different eyes. Better eyes. He was supposed to travel this week but he cancelled. I think he is enjoying being home more because I am more available, the house is calmer, oh and I make delicious dinners every night (toot toot)!

I have been praying a lot more because I am so grateful and I realise I cannot make it without God. He has carried me through many nights of crying. I am now at least smiling. Sure I'll be laughing again one day.

Life kind of slows down when youre sober. I could never get anything done while drinking but I am enjoying playing with my kids or just sitting and watching a silly program with the family. Other times I'll be too busy drunk texting anyone who is willing to entertain me.

Day 19!

Hevyn

I used to think it would be so hard trying to get sober with children to care for - but maybe it's actually helpful. Very proud of you for reaching 19 days, Zaec.

Zaec

I'm bawling my eyes out. I slipped. Life is weird. No words right now. I drank. So sorry guys.

Berrybean

Hey Zaec. Sorry you slipped. But this is a journey. You made a deviation, but realised you'd made a wrong turn. You can get back on track. Please, don't waste emotional energy beating yourself up. Instead, breathe, and think back to where things were going okay. Then move forward in your mind to where the intention to drink occurred. If you can understand one more trigger to avoid, one slippery place or person to stay away from, one thing to add into your plan, then you can learn from this and keep moving forward.

X

Zaec

I feel so stupid for blowing it. My plan was to have w glasses of some light wine. We all know how that ended. I feel so dumb. Luckily kids are in bed, hubby is out drinking with a friend. Wish I went to bed sober.

One of my fears which is weird, is making love to him sober.
I'd rather this be my drunk text than anything else. So far I've texted an ex. I'm putting this on here to remember