Sleepie's Summer Support Thread
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Bellingham
Posts: 513
Yes, 6 months on the 20th. A strange journey. The more I deal with this, the more it feels like quitting cigarettes. You're never completely without the urge. But there's a lot more emotional, psychological baggage because alcohol is so steeped in legends of bliss.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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Originally Posted by sleepie 
Interestingly, I come back with facts about an eye condition and nothing is said.
Anyway This is my Summer Support Thread, as summer is a very difficult time for me and yes, I am prone to heat illness which is also dismissed as " it's too hot". Heat stroke is not to be taken lightly. I have maintained sobriety despite it, as my former method was to try and stay in AC and drink through it all.
And at the end of the day, annoyances and all, I am still sober. Moving onto 8 months now.
And, it is my sobriety. Not yours, hers, or his. Mine, and this is how mine goes. Anyone here is free to skip this thread and go read others.
Anyway This is my Summer Support Thread, as summer is a very difficult time for me and yes, I am prone to heat illness which is also dismissed as " it's too hot". Heat stroke is not to be taken lightly. I have maintained sobriety despite it, as my former method was to try and stay in AC and drink through it all.
And at the end of the day, annoyances and all, I am still sober. Moving onto 8 months now.
And, it is my sobriety. Not yours, hers, or his. Mine, and this is how mine goes. Anyone here is free to skip this thread and go read others.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Bellingham
Posts: 513
Oh my god, it's so easy to get sucked into drama.
I get a heat rash in the summer. It's like I've dipped my arms into chemicals, Eczema running up and down my arms, on my hands, my wrists. It's like I'm allergic to my own sweat.
At 6 months, I feel like Dave from 2001 Space Odyssey. Like I'm in the monolith at the end, waking up in this cleanly, dry environment, everything provided, but utterly lacking in stimulation. Day after day after day.
I get a heat rash in the summer. It's like I've dipped my arms into chemicals, Eczema running up and down my arms, on my hands, my wrists. It's like I'm allergic to my own sweat.
At 6 months, I feel like Dave from 2001 Space Odyssey. Like I'm in the monolith at the end, waking up in this cleanly, dry environment, everything provided, but utterly lacking in stimulation. Day after day after day.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Bellingham
Posts: 513
Thanks.
Life.
The longer I'm here, the more an addiction to dopamine and serotonin looks like the moment to moment driver of all human behavior. Everything for a kick, a fix. What happens when you let that go?
Life.
The longer I'm here, the more an addiction to dopamine and serotonin looks like the moment to moment driver of all human behavior. Everything for a kick, a fix. What happens when you let that go?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
That's a really good question that is so worth exploring. I have often though about the chemical fix and especially lately. Stop feeding it with food, or drink or even the immediate gratification of a selfie or a purchase. On the one hand it makes sense to want to feel good. But I don't know that many ask themselves what really lies at the bottom of their actions. It takes a real radical to let those things go, and see what is there. And they won't likely be well received, at least not until they find a way to be palatable. So many of these behaviors are a social game and allow for bonding and acceptance. For example I will not talk about people or gossip. I hate gossip, I think it is useless. But it's big bonding social behavior and to let it go gets you viewed as a bit of a moral high horse.
I don't know davai what do you think?
I don't know davai what do you think?
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Bellingham
Posts: 513
I don't know, maybe freedom? We are the one's sold the fix by Tony and Ekhart. They are the ones making millions. So maybe when you let it go, you become a guru and start manipulating other people's brain chemistry and living on a yacht.
I really recommend quitting spaghetti and pizza and all bread products for a while if you haven't tried this.
I really recommend quitting spaghetti and pizza and all bread products for a while if you haven't tried this.
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 740
Originally Posted by sleepie
But, what about the ones who feel as I do and think "Thank god, I'm not nuts... This sucks for other people too... But this person is still sober anyway". A person can feel as if it is better just to drink when all you hear are glowing reports of pink clouds, how great life is, how great they look and all the compliments they get. It can make a sober person who isn't having that experience feel like garbage and like sobriety isn't even worth it. My bottom line message is yep life sucks but it's gonna suck more and faster and even uglier with active alcoholism.
That's it. That's all I got. I haven't gotten the other stuff. I don't want to feel bad about it, I don't want to feel anything at all about it. I'm still in my first year of sobriety and just being free of pills and alcohol and stacking up days is all you can do sometimes and there is nothing wrong with that. If there is pressure to be perfect, chipper and cheery, especially when you don't feel that way, well it can be really easy to go back to drinking so that you can feel that way. That right way. That acceptable way.
That's it. That's all I got. I haven't gotten the other stuff. I don't want to feel bad about it, I don't want to feel anything at all about it. I'm still in my first year of sobriety and just being free of pills and alcohol and stacking up days is all you can do sometimes and there is nothing wrong with that. If there is pressure to be perfect, chipper and cheery, especially when you don't feel that way, well it can be really easy to go back to drinking so that you can feel that way. That right way. That acceptable way.
And this is why I think you're awesome, Sleeps! You're moving forward, stacking lots of sober days in spite of everything. Silentrun wrote you a great post a little while ago about still being in early recovery and allowing time to work through things,and it's especially true for survivors of severe childhood abuse. I wish I could repost that--it was totally on point.
D.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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Same here FBL. Absolutely no sleep last night. None. Wake up and it's 86 in the place. They are saying 100 to 105 with heat index here. Usually I turn the AC on if it gets to 90 in here. It just never cooled last night, the air just does not flow through here.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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I think we are all looking for something to make us happy, give us a little energy - I really try to look for the small things in life that give me a small glimpse of happiness. Yesterday I was so down because my family is in crisis...I was going to church to pray. I live in a city where there is a large homeless population and a man was at the parking meter with me (he was not homeless but didn't look like he had a lot) he looked me square in the eye with the most compassionate look...said can I help you with that parking meter...after that he said God bless you and walked away...that simple gesture meant so much to me. You have no idea! That small act of kindness really helped me. Not sure if this is even on topic but thank you for letting me share. I agree with davai - giving up bread and pasta is a good move!
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