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Only The Lonely Can Play - Lonely Hearts Thread Yes, that a "Motels" song from 80's --but was good song, yes? Question is, for those of us who not has significant other/spouse, or family or friend who understand or give crap about you addiction or mental illness, how does you cope? Of course, therapy and groups. I does that. LOT of that. And is good, but, it just not ...you know... deep or tactile. They not somebody who gonna hold you at night while you cry. Lonely hearts thread? |
Er... I can play? I have SO but he "Not give crap"... you already know how I cope though. Poorly. |
Yes Sleepies, you can play. (But my knights gonna crush you pawns, bitch!) :) I think worst thing about being alone with you mental illness is that is become natural to you. And then you go out into world and you realize... |
Of course, therapy and groups. I does that. LOT of that. And is good, but, it just not ...you know... deep or tactile. They not somebody who gonna hold you at night while you cry. But if i talk to someone about this or that I dunno I guess i expect some kinda empathy or perhaps if i see the person a week later I expect them to remmber me and go hey how did it go with such and cuh are you doing ok? and i rarely get that from others. I guess i tend ot hope people do really care and not just spewing words etc.. and I do have a wife to hold me and such and its nice but she gets tired of me. she gets tired of listening tome talk about the same troubles. I dunno that i can blame her lol. |
That's an interesting thread to wake up to Cow. As I was laying in bed last night I had a 'sense' of being very alone. I don't know what, exactly, I need to alleviate this feeling. I just laid there and felt like I 'needed'...something. In that moment a hug probably would have been nice. Not an option. I realized I simply needed to feel I belonged to something. What that is? What that means? No idea. But I do know 'its' out there. I started to feel overwhelmed a bit so I stopped myself. Stay sober and I will move closer to whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing. And I stopped myself from any self pity because that is my addiction talking and it wants me to be alone. So I decided that I was on the right path and if I stay on it, I will get there. Wherever it is I'm supposed to be. |
frickaaflip thats a good point that it could be our addiction talking. i've all my life felt very alone. I think be casue at the end of the day it doesnt really matter who's supporting me or not its going to be up to me to do any of the real hard work for myself in this life. no one can reach inside of me and fix anything Only i can do this and this i a pretty lonely feeling to me at times. |
Luckily, I have my parents and two sisters that I am honest with and still care about me. They give me so much support it's embarrassing. Never forget, Cow: I love you. Always here for you. |
:hug: I know Trach, but you not here here. FaF, I not has too much faith that "just stay sober" will solve life. I does, of course, believe it definite is fork in road you must take to has ANY chance at all. Forgive me, I think I just feeling lonely and sorry for self. Sometime I even hold my own hand, but it never feel even close to same as if somebody else holding it, you know? |
I'm so crushingly lonely and unheard that I wish for a terminal illness. I'm sick of life. Widow, no kids. 58. It's a visceral, painful feeling. I've done everything in 3 years if sobriety to try and make connections and I'm a friendly person. It's not happening. |
Oh hello, Leshar. You know I really does wish sometime, we could has our Crone Motel. Our misfit tribe. I think it do us all world of good. I mean, to listen to all turtle's stories alone would take rest of our lifetime, yes? :) Thank you for show up for me, Leshar. It mean lot to me today. |
When I was younger, I often suffered insomnia due to a sense of not having lived in the day. Just another work day, and then solitude. I never got the hang of really being social and was always too poor to do much anyway. I was beyond shy due to the teasing and humiliations I suffered when younger, I was just plain scared. Lately this has morphed in to me waking at night, out of the blue and with a deep sense of panic and fear of death. I am afraid I will die without ever having lived, been loved, understood, wanted, or basically anything that makes a person feel alive and part of life. Most of life has been a very "I'm not invited to the party" kind of experience. Just this deep fear of dying at any moment without any of that and the terror at the thought of my abusers outliving me and re-telling my story, painting my life any way they see fit. I also went No Contact with parents many years ago. Then my only relative who ever treated me like a human being died, not that they were a warm person I could ever talk to about anything. But at least they treated me like a human. So basically alone my whole life. Side note I am nauseous and weak from yesterday's heat illness :( I think I am going to vomit, nice way to start the day, I never even did that when I was drinking. |
Unfortunately yes, I do belong here too and it is a real conundrum isn't it? “Admit it. You aren’t like them. You’re not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the “normal people” as they go about their automatic existences. For every time you say club passwords like “Have a nice day” and “Weather’s awful today, eh?”, you yearn inside to say forbidden things like “Tell me something that makes you cry” or “What do you think deja vu is for?”. Face it, you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator. But what if that girl in the elevator (and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work) are thinking the same thing? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find the others…” |
Hi Leshar I too am glad you are here |
Yeah, me too Leshar. |
I sometimes feel very lonely. It would be nice to have a significant other, I think. I do have some nice friends that look out for me since I'm single - I look out for them as well. The older we get, the more difficult it can be to make deep connections. It takes some effort to maintain those relationships. |
Sometime I even hold my own hand, but it never feel even close to same as if somebody else holding it, you know? Yes Cow I do understand. I have pretty bad anxiety so self soothing is something I have to do. I literally hold myself. I use Butterfly Hug Tapping to calm myself. It does work. I have to have faith that with right direction 'things' will work out. Thinking any other way has no purpose. Some level of self pity is normal. But happiness is a choice. I believe I am my thoughts. If I allow myself to marinate in negativity, well that's what my reality will be. So I literally force myself not to indulge negative thinking. Its like I have an inbox in my head....if mail comes in titled "You're not good enough, you don't fit in, you're broken" I delete it. I don't open it up because its a virus that can infect all my other files. This is a choice. It has been my experience that many with SUD's and other mental illnesses have 'been through' a lot. It isn't a contest of who's life is worse. Preaching to the choir here :) But this is my life and how I cope is what defines me. Not how someone treated me. If that defines me? The bad guys win. Maybe some faith is what the dr. ordered! |
Originally Posted by zjw
(Post 5996118)
frickaaflip thats a good point that it could be our addiction talking. i've all my life felt very alone. I think be casue at the end of the day it doesnt really matter who's supporting me or not its going to be up to me to do any of the real hard work for myself in this life. no one can reach inside of me and fix anything Only i can do this and this i a pretty lonely feeling to me at times. For me this is a spiritual void...and no I'm not talking God. Spirituality to me is connection...to some 'thing' other than myself. I believe that constant self pity is the ultimate in self obsession. The ultimate self centered-ness. My oldest brother is a classic example and its exhausting. He is constantly having some crisis...no one understands...he's alone...he has nothing...he's always obsessing on his physical health. I feel so badly for him but he is unreachable. Completely, stubbornly grounded in feeling sorry for himself. He simply isn't willing to listen or try anything new. Basically, he wants to be miserable. I relate because I have been there. Thankfully I've snapped out of it. But I also know how easily I can slip back into self pity. Completely counter productive. And frankly, who wants to be around someone who is constantly needy? Constantly looking for validation that they have it harder, are entitled? Exhausting. Emotional vampires. Been there. Don't want to be 'that' person anymore :) |
All the studies I have read make a point of how crucial having a social support like family/loved ones is to health. Just read another in regards to Alzheimer's in "Scientific American" yesterday. No one is meant to be 100 percent self reliant and happy without the meaningful company of others. I maintain that a good SO is crucial to many aspects of health and this can be confirmed by many current articles and studies. Those who have healthy relationships live the longest and often the healthiest. |
Hi Frick and Spacegoat and new peoples I not met before --nice to meet you. For me, I not believe happiness a choice. What I mean is, a depress or anhedonic brain is often no physcial capable to have pleasant thoughts. Best you can do is have neutral, or, for me, NO thoughts. I does meditate and often cease all thought, cuz I know I going to very dark place that not gonna be good for survival. I really does not wish to feel happiness anymore, I only wish to feel absence of despair. I should be clear. I actual has lot of peoples in my life. Friends even. Work peoples. I not shy. People tend to like me. (I know, hard to believe! :) ) But you know, they has they own lives and issues and they not available to come brush tear from my eyes. Total understandable. So I just not has, THAT person. That person that just THERE, who I can come through door, remove mask I wear for world and collapse into they lap and just be real melancholic self. I not think I broken. I think I unlucky. I gonna keepa go, though. I not sure who say that to me so many chapter of Cow ago, but it always come back to me. Just keepa go. |
That person that just THERE, who I can come through door, remove mask I wear for world and collapse into they lap and just be real melancholic self. Want that so bad. Well put Cow. |
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