Only The Lonely Can Play - Lonely Hearts Thread
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hello, everyone.
Not yet sure how I will fit into this thread except that feeling lonely has been a recurring theme throughout my life. And in quite extreme ways, like in some periods (often long) I feel nothing like it and very connected, and then I can sometimes feel intensely lonely, dark, hopeless, and wanting nothing much but dive into that "undertow" (those that participated in Robby's threads in the past might remember/understand). When that happens to me, it tends to be a very intense drive, like a sudden, often unexpected undercurrent, a sort of whirlpool... and then I am down again exploring the depths of the ocean.
One reason out of the few why, I think, I don't tend to suffer too much for loneliness is because I have dismissive-avoidant (ref to attachment styles) tendencies by default. The problem though is that many of my own adult relationship choices and experiences reversed that! So I can no longer say I am avoidant. But not entirely secure either. So, limbo.
I also, very predictably, experience painful loneliness and hopelessness when I binge drink and the day after. The day after is always that hell ride.
What is more interesting though, and what I am sharing with you guys and gals here, is that for me these intense mood swings also happen without substances. I am now on an SSRI, a bit less moody perhaps, but still. And I still do have a kink for the undertow
Not yet sure how I will fit into this thread except that feeling lonely has been a recurring theme throughout my life. And in quite extreme ways, like in some periods (often long) I feel nothing like it and very connected, and then I can sometimes feel intensely lonely, dark, hopeless, and wanting nothing much but dive into that "undertow" (those that participated in Robby's threads in the past might remember/understand). When that happens to me, it tends to be a very intense drive, like a sudden, often unexpected undercurrent, a sort of whirlpool... and then I am down again exploring the depths of the ocean.
One reason out of the few why, I think, I don't tend to suffer too much for loneliness is because I have dismissive-avoidant (ref to attachment styles) tendencies by default. The problem though is that many of my own adult relationship choices and experiences reversed that! So I can no longer say I am avoidant. But not entirely secure either. So, limbo.
I also, very predictably, experience painful loneliness and hopelessness when I binge drink and the day after. The day after is always that hell ride.
What is more interesting though, and what I am sharing with you guys and gals here, is that for me these intense mood swings also happen without substances. I am now on an SSRI, a bit less moody perhaps, but still. And I still do have a kink for the undertow
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
I'm single and sometimes it frightens me. But only (edit..scratch that. Mostly? partly?) because of the pressure and the idea that if I don't settle down now I won't ever be able to. Really right now I am enjoying my time alone. I was so, so afraid of being alone even for a night at the end of my drinking. I couldn't handle it. It's been a mark of my return from the edge that I can spend time just with myself without feeling like my grip on reality is slipping.
All of my most meaningful relationships have been friendships, when it comes down to it, even though there's a limit to that intimacy. I'm doing better now at being alone in my day to day life but with the knowledge that there are people around the world that I care for and who care for me.
When I do feel lonely, I go out walking in the city, I love crowds. Or I drive around and listen to the radio. Sometimes it's easier for me to feel connected to People/Humanity than it is to any individual people.
All of my most meaningful relationships have been friendships, when it comes down to it, even though there's a limit to that intimacy. I'm doing better now at being alone in my day to day life but with the knowledge that there are people around the world that I care for and who care for me.
When I do feel lonely, I go out walking in the city, I love crowds. Or I drive around and listen to the radio. Sometimes it's easier for me to feel connected to People/Humanity than it is to any individual people.
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Originally Posted by Aellyce 
I also, very predictably, experience painful loneliness and hopelessness when I binge drink and the day after. The day after is always that hell ride.
What is more interesting though, and what I am sharing with you guys and gals here, is that for me these intense mood swings also happen without substances.
What is more interesting though, and what I am sharing with you guys and gals here, is that for me these intense mood swings also happen without substances.
Relapse was preceded by me going out my bi-polar mind after caffeine, which I take cuz I was super depress and wished so badly to feel energy and try to enjoy little bit my vacation.
Neither the caffeine or the booze ever worth it. But is no convincing me they not worth it at time. That why they call it mental illness, yes? Feeling like I an unsolvable problem. But still I gonna try try again.
PS. Thank you everybody for share you thoughts on loneliness.
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