Cow

Mhmm. But Sleepies, you got a boyfriend ....discuss..

sleepie

So what? He is a body in another room who never asks me anything about me, my life, my interests... he always has an excuse to shut me down. Like if I make it known I need to talk about anything... He is tired, he does not feel well, he has things on his mind, he needs a new car, this that and the next thing...He always has an excuse why he has nothing to say. The old silent lump act. Mr. Passive Aggressive. He is like dating a cardboard cut out.

If I am crying, what I can count on is for him to sit and stare. He never has my back, ever. I don't feel safe or anything around him, like that feeling (I have heard of) when you know everything's gonna be ok because your loved one is there? I am on my own, basically.

And yes if I had a million bucks I would go away now. Right now.

That is not the case. I have no job, no money, no savings, no family. Untreated disorders that I am only barely able to start looking into at the moment.

So that's how that works. Although I have yet to meet an emotionally mature, insightful, interested, honest male.

Cow

... ... so ... ... you using him?

Hey, I stay with bad boyfriend for 10 year. Cuz I love him. But I knew Goddamn well he did no love me.

Please not be defensive, Little Dove, I just asking. It of interest to me how we get, and why we stay, where we are.

sleepie

Yes that's exactly it.
That's what I am all about.

Cow

No, it not. But it seem like you settling, yes Sleepies? Listen, I care about you either way, okay? Please no be mad. I not judge of you and I sure I done way worse than you and most here, okay?

Is nothing you can ever say that make me not like you. I has wept tears over you kindness, so that not what I getting at. I just asking? Okay?

zjw

"the deaf person strains to hear, while the hearing person craves silence. each one wants what they dont have. find what you want in what you have and happieness will be assured" -zen book.

I had to drop some sunshine in sorry lol. Though happieness isnt even always assured in what we do have. Sleepie has a BF and is unhappy. Its a tough situation.

That unconditional love from someone else tho is priceless. For example i hate my job. I'm fairly certain if i said the hell with it and walked off the job came home told my wife hey guess what i quit my job i hate it but i feel so much better. She'd still lvoe me despite the fact that we'd both panic about how to pay the bills lol. I'm fortunate to have her.

But shes not able to reach inside my head and re-wire my insanity adn thats where my loneliness can come from. Sometimes its like please just reach in there and fix that brain of mine please?!@(!(

VirginiaWoof

I feel like a total exception in that I am single (though I have the 100% support of a fabulous 17 year old son) and would not swap it for the world.

I've made the mistake of falling for the medias portrayal that you are not 'whole' unless you are part of a couple and entered in to bad relationships because of it. Now I've realised that I LOVE being a singleton.

I can do what I want when I want without being 'answerable' to anyone. I can cuddle up in bed with the dog for company and not have to make room for anyone else.

If I want to sit up all night and have an NCIS-athon, I can. Do I miss having somebody to talk about it with? Not on your Nelly! I tell the dog, she agrees with me and we are both happy.

My son is off to Uni in September 2017 and then I have no responsibilities at all. The world will be my oyster.

Yes, not having a 'close companion' around during my struggle with alcohol has meant I haven't had 'that sort' of support. But then reading about some of the 'support' people have had from their partners it doesn't sound like I'm necessarily missing out on anything!

I'm not for one minute saying that those of you missing a companion are wrong (different things suit different people) but just want to ask that people don't get so caught up with missing something they don't have that they let life and its possibilities pass them by,

Che

The most difficult part for me is not feeling like I am making someone else's life better.

It's okay if things are not going that well for me, but I should at least be doing something that makes someone else's trip through life easier. Then I can feel like I'm not for nothing.

Naturally I'm picky about when I'm making someone else's life happier and when I'm just being used. It makes it harder to find situations that satisfy me.

It's really painful when I realise I don't have a positive effect on someone's life anymore.

zjw

to che's point it reminds me how things can be in my relationship. My wifes tired of me shes tired of listening to me ramble on about the same old same things most of the time she doesnt even bother listening. and honestly i cant say i blame her i do ramble on about the same ****. its just how i'm wired i guess. I dunno.

Cow

I relate, Che and Z. I actual isolate because it only thing I can "offer" others is to not be big fat debbie downer in they life. It seem like kinder thing to do to just remove self when I not capable to wear my mask and be pleasant or be the comic who make people laugh.

VW, I not got the relationship rabies like some of my other girlfriend. I okay to be single. If I honest, I think I more looking for ...well ...okay ...I hurting and I want my mommy! You know?

zjw

yeah theres a reason why i was always the quiet guy in the corner sipping his beer at a social gathering. I didnt wanna be a burden to everyone or be the object of peoples jokes or something.

I isolate very well myself and find happiness in it. I dont wanna bring other people down or be accused AGAIN of being mr downer when thats not always true.

But I also know from reading here and such that isolating isnt healthy so they say. I can sometimes tend to isolate and then internalize all my issues and then this can lead me to a darker place. So i do try and not do that these days anyhow.

I get it tho you dont wanna be a burden to someone else. thats basicly why i dont post about my troubles much on the board. I alreayd knwo the responses i'll get and I dont wanna trouble others with it. But i will however reach out to some folks here at times and so on.

But I admire people like sleepie who put it out there to get picked apart and get some helpful help and so on. That takes courage and i could use some of that lol.

Leshar

What about eating alone day after day, I dislike it so much. As for eating out alone, it's awful, the looks, oh here's a nobby no mates!
Those of you who live alone, what do you do about feeding yourself?

zjw

oh man if i lived alone i'd eat with my hands at every meal lol. i made pork chops early in my marriage picked one up with my hands and knawed it my wife gave me this horrified look and told me to use a fork and a knife and not be a pig. lol.

oh some of the bad habits of mine that i'd gleefully welcome back lol. I'd probably be a total pig and a slob too I already can be but it would come very unhinged if i was alone lol.

Cow

... ... Lenina! Avert you eyes! Avert you eyes!

kittycat3

I usually eat dinner while watching my show (lately is Walking Dead which now that I think about it is not at all appetizing) or I read.
Do you really think people think that way Leshar? Is that what you think when you see someone eating alone? It can feel unnatural but I don't think people are looking at you like you are a zoo animal.....

kittycat3

Lol. I don't do this but I freely drink out of the milk carton. While standing in front of the refrigerator! Woo, it's exhilarating!

Che

I sometimes take that attitude when I'm invited to do something I know I don't enjoy. It feels rude to reject someone, but they're going to be going with a bunch of people and I don't want them to be concerned I'm not having fun.

But honestly I'm a creative person, so I like drawing, writing, and making things. When I have someone to share that with and make laugh, I'm very happy. When I don't, I feel like what's the use of all these things, because they don't make me happy by themselves.

It's just my guess, but I think Cow is a creative person too with a lot to express. I can't think a person who takes a picture of their stuffed cow doesn't have a funny personality

It's true you can get into a mode where all you want is someone's pity, or someone to try to make you feel better. When they don't, you feel even worse. When they do, and you still want more, they get tired. I stopped chasing that, but it's not the end of the road. I realised it wasn't that I wanted pity, it's that I wanted to be important to someone. So I think the revision to try to make other people happy is a good one, but finding people who appreciate your personality and forgive your faults is still hard.

Leshar

Yes, I do, Kittycat, although I don't often see people eating at a restaurant in the evening alone. Having lunch alone is one thing, but dinner at a restaurant alone for me is unbearable. The wait staff hate a singleton, and make it obvious, cos they think it's a low tipper, but I've always tipped well. I do admit I am too self conscious.

trachemys

Waitroids dislike singles because...it's a one meal check. Half the tip of a two meal check. Tough.

Eating alone at home I have the TV on and lot's of times, you people are with me.

As far as eating out, I tend to sit at the bar. The bartender likes the extra tip and is usually around to talk. Beats sitting at a table alone. There's usually TV.

Venecia

It can be hard to be alone.

One thing I've learned is that I can be my own good company. I've traveled solo, go to movies alone and often go out to eat by myself. Re: restaurants, the key for me is that I *always* bring reading material. In all honesty, I have never really felt like I'm being viewed with pity.

It would be nice if there was a great guy in my life. I was seeing someone for a while but it didn't work out. That bummed me out some; there was a lot to like about his companionship and in some ways, I miss him. But I know we could never be for one another what each of us needed needed. I hope to meet someone nice. I'm on a dating site and while it's not been hugely fruitful, it gets me out there.

But I won't assign myself an identity of the sad lonely type ... it's a one-way road to self-pity. I do things with friends but if no one is available, I will go to a museum or an art show or some kind of event. There's plenty to do where I live and a great deal of it is free, too.

Life is too short and I'm not going to miss out on it waiting for something better to materialize.