Forwards

After many years of serious problems I have now been diagnosed with schizophrenia. I am also an alcoholic and have been drinking for twenty years. Maybe I have been self-medicating but I used to really enjoy it. These days there is no high - it just provides an essential sedative effect to get me through the day.

I drink 30 units (about 3 bottles of wine) a day. I start first thing in the morning and continue until the evening. I often wake up in the early hours of the morning and drink myself back to sleep.

My career has failed and I am currently unemployable due to my drinking. This week I tried to taper down my consumption but could not. Essentially I get to the end of the day and need more. My entire sense of security and safety is dependent on having alcohol at hand at all times.

I have been to the doctor and asked him if the surgery nurses could supervise me in a home Librium detox and provide daily support. He said no. My mental health care coordinator has offered to call me once a fortnight which seems inadequate. The NHS inpatient unit where I was treated for psychosis no longer offers support for alcohol as the demand was too high. The private unit I also attended (which was excellent) charges over £1000 per day and I have no money to go back.

So I'm going to have to do this myself. I seem to have forgotten the basics though. Should I just try to quit drinking tomorrow and monitor the withdrawals in case they get too bad?

Anyway, I'll keep myself accountable here. Any advice would be welcome please. Thanks, Forwards.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back forwards. We cannot give you medical advice here of course, or advice on how to detox at home. I would seek an opinion from a different doctor if you can, that's a massive amount of drinking to just quit cold turkey. Is the doctor that diagnosed your schizophrenia the one who suggested just doing it on your own? That seems hugely irresponsible.

Forwards

Hi Scott,

Thanks for your reply. My mental health team is separate to my general practitioners surgery. Over recent months I have been lying to them both about my drinking, pretending it was under control. In the past I have been more candid and that led to the GP turning down my request for a home detox. They just don't have the resources to supervise me. He didn't specifically suggest going it alone.

At my most recent meeting with my mental health coordinator I admitted that I was drinking again. His advice was to taper over two months - something that seems impossible to me. He also suggested contacting a local alcohol charity that can provide daily telephone support which I may well do.

Ideally I'd like to go back to the private London hospital that first detoxed me. They were superb with a full daily schedule of classes on addiction, CBT, yoga, PE, mindfulness. AA meetings etc. etc. Unfortunately I can't possibly afford it.

I think I can do this myself if I'm careful. Thanks again, Forwards.

entropy1964

Welcome back. So you were diagnosed with schizophrenia while active in alcoholism? Are you taking meds for the mental illness, and drinking?

Forwards

Unfortunately yes I am on anti-psychotic meds and am still drinking. It's one of the reasons I'm keen to stop as soon as possible. Alcohol withdrawal in particular gives me schizophrenia like symptoms. I'm aware that this is a problem.

sugarbear1

London Central | The Salvation Army

try them

I wish you well!

Forwards

Gosh this is difficult. I'm down to about 20 units a day but very uncomfortable.

The local drugs and alcohol charity offers a drop in service at lunch time every day and I'm seriously considering going tomorrow. They promise to explore all available referrals and treatment options. I'm just not sure though that I want yet another agency in my life...

Thanks for all support. Forwards.

ScottFromWI

Sounds like a great idea to me. I'm sure another agency can't cause nearly as much harm to your life as alcohol does, wouldn't you agree?

Forwards

Yes, agreed. I have to do something different.

I had another horrible day yesterday. I was drunk for my landlord's visit in the morning, drunk and stinking of booze for my Dad's father's day meal in the evening and ended up being sick on a train. Luckily I wasn't arrested.

I'm so tired of this. My life is being wasted. I'm going for a Day 1 today and will just tough it out and see what happens. I can get to an AA meeting tomorrow and make a fresh start. Thanks for all support.

Forward12

Alcoholism and mental issues very often go hand in hand. The alcohol just throws a blanket over the problem, but doesn't solve anything. It's best to get off the sauce and continue with your prescribed meds and treatment. It likely will take a bit of groundwork on your own to find what you are looking for.

Dee74

Still planning on that meeting Forwards? I think it's a good idea.
Make some contacts there, maybe?

D

Forwards

Hi Dee,

Yesterday I went all day without a drink but then cracked in the evening and had a few beers before bed. So today I'm going for Day 1 again and that is my main priority even if I just stay locked in the house all day... I'll get to a meeting in due course when I'm feeling a bit stronger.

doggonecarl

You said in just your previous post, "I'm so tired of this."

Tired of the drinking and the effects of alcohol and what it is doing to your life. Tired of it. I get it. If you are tired of your drinking you have to find the strength to get better. Please don't put off support. You are flailing around on your own.

Dee74

Carls' right you know forwards - I've seen you write several times over the years that you'll 'get to a meeting when you get stronger'....

Don't put off getting help, or rationalise that things are not as bad as you thought and you can do this on your own.

You need a new approach and you need to follow through on the good ideas and good intent you have- it's not likely to be as comfortable for you as you'd like, but it might just save your life.

D

Forwards

Thanks guys. Your responses motivated me to get to AA this evening. I was sceptical on my way there but in the end the meeting was really good. We had interesting readings that I've not heard before, an excellent share and good responses thereafter. I left feeling much more positive.

So that's the good news. The bad news is that I drank again today, though less than yesterday. I had to admit this to those I met at the meeting which was quite awkward.

I'm going to try again for a Day 1 tomorrow. I believe that I have tapered sufficiently now that it shouldn't be too hazardous. Wish me luck...

JK130

I do send good wishes to you...but you don't need luck. You need strength and determination, so I send that too. Also, find a way to distract yourself with something - a movie, a hobby, eating, visiting, facebook, chores...take a walk and enjoy. Just don't drink ☺

Dee74

I'm really glad you went Forwards, and that you're shooting for a day one.
Keep us updated

D