Day 1 Again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 36
Day 1 Again
Going to bed now after restarting my sobriety.
I feel great - where as the first time I felt reluctant and frustrated. This time I feel determined.
I'm pissed off - alcohol has taken enough of my youth. Instead of travelling or enjoying my student years I sat in a room alone drinking and smoking.
Tonight I didn't have cravings for alcohol. I was thinking last night - although it may only be one bottle of wine - by drinking it I am effectively signing away the next goodness knows how many years of my life to alcohol.
I am starting meditation. I hope that I am able to find peace and boost my self esteem without alcohol.
Did anyone experience increased self esteem when the stopped drinking? Is that something I can hope to expect?
Thank you all so much for listening and supporting me. You are an wise/intelligent bunch of people - I have received a lot of good advice and alternative ways of looking at things which I would never have thought of myself.
I feel great - where as the first time I felt reluctant and frustrated. This time I feel determined.
I'm pissed off - alcohol has taken enough of my youth. Instead of travelling or enjoying my student years I sat in a room alone drinking and smoking.
Tonight I didn't have cravings for alcohol. I was thinking last night - although it may only be one bottle of wine - by drinking it I am effectively signing away the next goodness knows how many years of my life to alcohol.
I am starting meditation. I hope that I am able to find peace and boost my self esteem without alcohol.
Did anyone experience increased self esteem when the stopped drinking? Is that something I can hope to expect?
Thank you all so much for listening and supporting me. You are an wise/intelligent bunch of people - I have received a lot of good advice and alternative ways of looking at things which I would never have thought of myself.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,507
You learned something valuable, maz. It happened the same way for me. There's nothing in it for us anymore. You're going to do this.
My improved self esteem took a while - but it did come. First I dwelled - for too long - on all the regrets & guilt I felt. I wish I had skipped that part - it slowed down my healing. I'm glad you're here, maz - we're all in this together.
My improved self esteem took a while - but it did come. First I dwelled - for too long - on all the regrets & guilt I felt. I wish I had skipped that part - it slowed down my healing. I'm glad you're here, maz - we're all in this together.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 36
The reason I ask is because I've been in a pretty miserable relationship the past 8years. Part of the reason I drank is due to the stress and loneliness of being with him. He's can never hold a job so I'm always stressed about money and trying to help him. Also he doesn't enjoy spending time with me which has really hurt my self esteem. He openly tells me I'm boring and chooses to spend all his time gaming and smoking weed. So at night after work I'm lonely and bored so I drank.
I'm obviously in no way perfect but he makes me feel worthless and like I'm always having to try and earn his love. It's pathetic. He has all the power.
I think if I wasn't under the fug of alcoholism I would have woken up and left him years ago. But as it stands my confidence is very low and I dont think I can do better. So I'm hoping I can build my self worth.
I'm obviously in no way perfect but he makes me feel worthless and like I'm always having to try and earn his love. It's pathetic. He has all the power.
I think if I wasn't under the fug of alcoholism I would have woken up and left him years ago. But as it stands my confidence is very low and I dont think I can do better. So I'm hoping I can build my self worth.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,507
You absolutely can - & you're right, it takes a clear head to deal with these things. Anesthetizing ourselves seems easier than confronting the problem, but we keep ourselves from taking action & growing.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Maz 36, I can't advise about your relationship. I can tell you that I drank because I was alcoholic. I had many different types of relationships with people primarily because in some way or other they justified my drinking.
They either drank like I did, or gave me a truck load of feasible excuses that any reasonable person would consider reason to drink.
Most of those folks were gone from my life as soon as I tried to sober up. They were using me in the same way, and when I wanted to stop, it brought their own behaviour into question. If they couldn't drag me back down to their level, then they didn't want to know me.
I had what are called boundaries these days, where I would not permit alcoholic drinking in my presence, and I still don't. A couple of old friends continued to drink, but not around me. Not negotiable.
It can get better. The best thing I did in the first days was get with some like minded people who I met in AA. Some moral support, understanding, and someone to call to help me through the rough spots was invaluable. This alone wasn't enough to fix me, but it was a start and lead me to a permanent solution where things are so much better, it has seemed like I am a diffeent person altogether.
They either drank like I did, or gave me a truck load of feasible excuses that any reasonable person would consider reason to drink.
Most of those folks were gone from my life as soon as I tried to sober up. They were using me in the same way, and when I wanted to stop, it brought their own behaviour into question. If they couldn't drag me back down to their level, then they didn't want to know me.
I had what are called boundaries these days, where I would not permit alcoholic drinking in my presence, and I still don't. A couple of old friends continued to drink, but not around me. Not negotiable.
It can get better. The best thing I did in the first days was get with some like minded people who I met in AA. Some moral support, understanding, and someone to call to help me through the rough spots was invaluable. This alone wasn't enough to fix me, but it was a start and lead me to a permanent solution where things are so much better, it has seemed like I am a diffeent person altogether.
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