Former benzo users who drank
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Although I wonder aside from the anxiety descriptions, are there any other reasons to read it? Is it fluffy and "Just be happy"? Not in to that. Not even sure I want a more detailed description of anxiety than what I already know personally!
Woe is Moo.
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Yes. You library should has it.
One thing that make me think about you is when he talk about how with anxiety, or really any mental illness, most people get tired of hear you talk about it.
Now with depression/anhedonia, I think is easier to stop talk about it. I know I can just sink into silent despair and isolation, like hibernating bear. But with intense anxiety, he explain how is more like you leg is on fire, but people get irritated that you keep mentioning how you leg on fire. Kind of unreasonable when put this way. I has been guilty of this with you. I sorry.
... ...But I still gonna poke at you to take actions toward relief, okay?
Oh, and reason I wish to punches him is cuz lot of his recovery come down to having very loving girlfriend/wife who he many time say he "owe his life to." Mmm, mhmm, well that nice, you know, but not all of us has that, some of us is quite alone, with little support, let alone 24/7 unconditional support. So I guess we has to save our selfs. But we can do it, yes?
One thing that make me think about you is when he talk about how with anxiety, or really any mental illness, most people get tired of hear you talk about it.
Now with depression/anhedonia, I think is easier to stop talk about it. I know I can just sink into silent despair and isolation, like hibernating bear. But with intense anxiety, he explain how is more like you leg is on fire, but people get irritated that you keep mentioning how you leg on fire. Kind of unreasonable when put this way. I has been guilty of this with you. I sorry.
... ...But I still gonna poke at you to take actions toward relief, okay?
Oh, and reason I wish to punches him is cuz lot of his recovery come down to having very loving girlfriend/wife who he many time say he "owe his life to." Mmm, mhmm, well that nice, you know, but not all of us has that, some of us is quite alone, with little support, let alone 24/7 unconditional support. So I guess we has to save our selfs. But we can do it, yes?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
That is a really good way to put it. Thank you Cow... that was actually kind of mind blowing that metaphor, that is just like how it is. I always thought that depressed folk are not quite so criticized as anxiety ridden ones, it is like with anxiety you are treated more as if it is a choice, and there are all the (silly and not quite true) romanticizations of depression- it is almost like it can be mysterious and sexy to be depressed but we know that ain't so, don't we? Same with bi-polar and a few other conditions but... not really like that unless it's on TV.
I don't like the idea of you slipping into despair, silent or otherwise.
It seems to me that a lot of males credit their female partners for helping them out of addiction or other ailments.... but I have not yet heard of the reverse.
I don't like the idea of you slipping into despair, silent or otherwise.
It seems to me that a lot of males credit their female partners for helping them out of addiction or other ailments.... but I have not yet heard of the reverse.
Woe is Moo.
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
My ex-boyfriend go to exactly one al-anon meeting then announce that my alcoholism was my problem and he has to put his own happiness first. I was so psss off. He knew my history, I had help him through TON of life issues, but now he has sanction to let me deal with my issues alone. Worst thing is, he go cuz I suggest it! Ha!
For lot of people, depression and anxiety come mixed, including me now with my bi-polar, which is bringing in some intense anxieties which I never has while I drinking regularly.
Bottom line is you can has the most untenable sufferings going on in you head --way worse than a leg on fire-- cuz the torments of the brain/mind are infinite. But these mental conditions is invisible.
The world shrugs.
For lot of people, depression and anxiety come mixed, including me now with my bi-polar, which is bringing in some intense anxieties which I never has while I drinking regularly.
Bottom line is you can has the most untenable sufferings going on in you head --way worse than a leg on fire-- cuz the torments of the brain/mind are infinite. But these mental conditions is invisible.
The world shrugs.
Woe is Moo.
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Yes, but, let us no forget --we is people too, Sleepies.
You still gonna read book? I also recommend last book I read, which was "When Breathe Becomes Air." Is intense also, but beautiful written bio about brain surgeon who spend entire life delving into philosophy and poetry and science to help patients come to term with death. Then, after so many years of schooling and intern and resident, right when all sacrifice and effort to come to fruition ...he get his own terminal diagnosis. He lovely writer, I must say. Very poetic.
You still gonna read book? I also recommend last book I read, which was "When Breathe Becomes Air." Is intense also, but beautiful written bio about brain surgeon who spend entire life delving into philosophy and poetry and science to help patients come to term with death. Then, after so many years of schooling and intern and resident, right when all sacrifice and effort to come to fruition ...he get his own terminal diagnosis. He lovely writer, I must say. Very poetic.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Yes I am looking at them on amazon. I am kinda having a heat illness situation at the moment and I want to buy it but I keep getting ill in the middle of it and have to step away from the keyboard.
I am going to get both and read them, I have to read a book that someone lent me also that I have pretty much zero interest in and also no attention span at the moment.
That's true we are people also but I know I am a decent person and it is actually a problem because I give in ways that are not often reciprocated and it is irritating especially in the context of my relationship.
I am going to get both and read them, I have to read a book that someone lent me also that I have pretty much zero interest in and also no attention span at the moment.
That's true we are people also but I know I am a decent person and it is actually a problem because I give in ways that are not often reciprocated and it is irritating especially in the context of my relationship.
Woe is Moo.
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
What is decent person? Are you sure you decent person? I pretend to be decent person. But I mostly consume with my own misery. But then again, why not? Who more important to me, than me? That make sense. I know this feeling is cuz I was abuse so much when young that I "self" protective. But that make me still be VERY manipulative with other, and I no proud of that, but it work for me. I not really think I know what "decent person" is.
Having say that, I has "met" some decent peoples, both in physical life and here on SR. Still, I probable always be a Mulder. ---- "Trust No One."
Having say that, I has "met" some decent peoples, both in physical life and here on SR. Still, I probable always be a Mulder. ---- "Trust No One."
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Alright I have recovered somewhat. Our weather has in typical fashion turned around and there is now a cool breeze, I watched the humidity drop no less than 20 points in 90 minutes. I mean really.
Ok so a problem for me is I am too genuine. And this is why I get my feelings hurt a lot, I do not see that others are usually ready to manipulate, because why would you do that? That's not at all cool or ok to do to people. That's how I see it. The one and only observation ever made about me by my abusive mother was that when kids made fun of me or hurt me when I was very young- I was always wondering "Why?" and I do recall being perplexed, I did not understand the point of being mean or lying to another person. Because if it was me, if you wanted something just ask and I will give freely.
Anyway I guess what I am saying is I really do not have it in me to be manipulative. I mean it takes a lot of the kind of thought that I do not possess. And I would not be interested anyway as it seems really dishonest to me and pointless.
I never learned that self protectiveness either which is why I was the one being lied to and manipulated often in life, and laughed at behind my back. I will never, ever forget a cheating and likely sociopathic ex who looked at me one day and said "Sleepie, did you know the word gullible isn't in the dictionary"? And for a minute there I almost said, "Really?" I had to put a lot of work into second guessing others and trying to see their ulterior motives.
One of my brothers has the self protective thing though but he is a raging narcissist who has broken the law for financial gain as well as engaged in other behaviors that make me question if he even has a conscience. He never, ever does a thing unless he stands to gain from it and thinks anyone who does otherwise is a fool.
Being genuine is an unfortunate thing that I have ben told all my life that I am. For a very long time, I did not understand why any one would point out such a thing, because, isn't everyone?
Turns out, nope.
I mean... for example when I went to the hospital after attempting, they were dressing me down like I was a criminal- screaming at me and yelling at me (especially after I asked for my drawing pens back. I had attempted, I did not need to be screamed at? But then, it was state care.
Anyway, next day or so they are saying "Sleepie you are a good person" and such... and I am like "What changed between yesterday and today, I am the same person you screamed at yesterday?".
I dunno girl. I mean obviously I haven't figured out s*** and probably do not possess the grey matter to do so. At this point I really am just doing my time here on planet earth and look forward to nothing.
Ok so a problem for me is I am too genuine. And this is why I get my feelings hurt a lot, I do not see that others are usually ready to manipulate, because why would you do that? That's not at all cool or ok to do to people. That's how I see it. The one and only observation ever made about me by my abusive mother was that when kids made fun of me or hurt me when I was very young- I was always wondering "Why?" and I do recall being perplexed, I did not understand the point of being mean or lying to another person. Because if it was me, if you wanted something just ask and I will give freely.
Anyway I guess what I am saying is I really do not have it in me to be manipulative. I mean it takes a lot of the kind of thought that I do not possess. And I would not be interested anyway as it seems really dishonest to me and pointless.
I never learned that self protectiveness either which is why I was the one being lied to and manipulated often in life, and laughed at behind my back. I will never, ever forget a cheating and likely sociopathic ex who looked at me one day and said "Sleepie, did you know the word gullible isn't in the dictionary"? And for a minute there I almost said, "Really?" I had to put a lot of work into second guessing others and trying to see their ulterior motives.
One of my brothers has the self protective thing though but he is a raging narcissist who has broken the law for financial gain as well as engaged in other behaviors that make me question if he even has a conscience. He never, ever does a thing unless he stands to gain from it and thinks anyone who does otherwise is a fool.
Being genuine is an unfortunate thing that I have ben told all my life that I am. For a very long time, I did not understand why any one would point out such a thing, because, isn't everyone?
Turns out, nope.
I mean... for example when I went to the hospital after attempting, they were dressing me down like I was a criminal- screaming at me and yelling at me (especially after I asked for my drawing pens back. I had attempted, I did not need to be screamed at? But then, it was state care.
Anyway, next day or so they are saying "Sleepie you are a good person" and such... and I am like "What changed between yesterday and today, I am the same person you screamed at yesterday?".
I dunno girl. I mean obviously I haven't figured out s*** and probably do not possess the grey matter to do so. At this point I really am just doing my time here on planet earth and look forward to nothing.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,225
yeah lots of people are rediculously manipulative and concerned about there own self serving agendas. And many of them do not even realize it becuase they believe there own dillusional BS as well.
Not much you can do about it but it sure is a shocking thing to discover about others. I mean I new it was bad but then when i sobered up I think I realized it was probably far worse then I realized or maybe i drank all those years to come with the hard reality of thise world I dunno.
Its sad tho. The good news is there nonsense is there problem not ours we dont have to allow it to be our problem we can hopefully catch on to there nonsense early enough that we dont get stung and can just walk the other way and not associate with these types. hopefully anyhow.
I remember my step father I used to say he'd show you a cloud witha nice silver lining get you to jump in eagerly then he'd devour you and it was living hell inside. It all started out as a for your benefit thing he'd have you thinking this would be great in the end it was only about serving his own selfish agenda. Every single time he'd manipulate you and get to to fall for it. And the thing is I dont think eh saw anythign wrong with what he was doing or even realized he was doing it!! If it didnt work out for me or i didnt like it he'd have me thinking it was all my fault that it didnt go so well and that ti was my problem. This would always leave me walking away feeling beaten and worthless yet again etc...
i swear its all a game to some folks a sick twisted one at that.
Not much you can do about it but it sure is a shocking thing to discover about others. I mean I new it was bad but then when i sobered up I think I realized it was probably far worse then I realized or maybe i drank all those years to come with the hard reality of thise world I dunno.
Its sad tho. The good news is there nonsense is there problem not ours we dont have to allow it to be our problem we can hopefully catch on to there nonsense early enough that we dont get stung and can just walk the other way and not associate with these types. hopefully anyhow.
I remember my step father I used to say he'd show you a cloud witha nice silver lining get you to jump in eagerly then he'd devour you and it was living hell inside. It all started out as a for your benefit thing he'd have you thinking this would be great in the end it was only about serving his own selfish agenda. Every single time he'd manipulate you and get to to fall for it. And the thing is I dont think eh saw anythign wrong with what he was doing or even realized he was doing it!! If it didnt work out for me or i didnt like it he'd have me thinking it was all my fault that it didnt go so well and that ti was my problem. This would always leave me walking away feeling beaten and worthless yet again etc...
i swear its all a game to some folks a sick twisted one at that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I have learned to be more watchful and try and figure out what people actually want.
A few have told me over the may years that they cannot figure me out. Not sure how to take that. All I really can attribute it too is that I have not had an ulterior motive when engaging with another person.
A few have told me over the may years that they cannot figure me out. Not sure how to take that. All I really can attribute it too is that I have not had an ulterior motive when engaging with another person.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by sleepie 
A few have told me over the may years that they cannot figure me out. Not sure how to take that. All I really can attribute it too is that I have not had an ulterior motive when engaging with another person.
We can control our own actions and to a certain extent our environment of support. That's the best place to focus our energy.
Last edited by ScottFromWI; 06-12-2016 at 12:48 PM.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 740
Originally Posted by sleepie
What kind of pie, Delf?
I literally forgot to laugh Cow... sorry!
I literally forgot to laugh Cow... sorry!
Btw, I've been waiting for the update on your testing so please don't feel like people don't want to hear it.
D.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 945
I have cirrhosis, had it since 2011 and probably longer. All my blood tests have been normal since about a month after stopping drinking. I also have crippling anxiety and agoraphobia with a lot of insomnia thrown in the mix. Such fun! What tests did you have regarding the liver? Did they work out your child-pugh score? How long had you stopped drinking since you had tests? Have you had an endoscope and/or an ultrasound? The liver is complex, make sure you have all the tests and make sure they are explained. I don't mean to be the bringer of doom and I am still very much alive. You can have perfectly normal bloods and still have LD. Sorry, just being truthful.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
