maz36

Me AGAIN. I'm sorry and I feel so pathetic constantly moaning - especially given all the inspirational stories I've read on here from folks who have suffered tremendously but came away stronger.
I'm only on day 4 but I am feeling very, very tempted and ready to quit. I'm off work tomorrow, the sun is shining (which is very rare here!) and I've had a hideous tension headache all day from my job. There is nothing I would love more than to find a film to watch, drink some wine and smoke. My usual ritual.
On the way home from work I phoned my mum and asked her if she thought I should get a bottle of wine. My family are all big drinker, she knows I drink but I don't think she realises I've been drinking a whole bottle alone every evening. She thinks I've given up alcohol because I'm on a health kick.
She said that I shouldn't but it was up to me. So I managed to resist. I spent as much time as possible this evening visiting with my family to distract me from temptation.
I'm home alone now. Now boyfriend is out working in the local pub. I just phoned him and asked him to bring me home a bottle of wine. He laughed, teasing me for giving up on my sobriety. He doesn't think I'm an alcoholic and thinks I'm being over-dramatic about the whole thing. I desperately want to believe he's right...
Anyway he said he didn't have any cash so couldn't get me one. As he was hanging up I told him to put it on his tab. I'm not sure if he heard me.
I'm not going to ring him back because I feel like if I pester him to buy me wine - then I've completely failed.
Given the lack of motivation and temptation I've experienced in last past 4 days do you think maybe I'm just not ready for sobriety?

entropy1964

I don't know, are you? Are you an alcoholic? Is drinking negatively affecting your life? Can you control your drinking? Only you can answer these questions. If you are here, I'm guessing you at minimum have a problem.

It's curious to me why you're looking to people who don't understand how bad your drinking is, don't think you're alcoholic or are alcoholic themselves for 'permission' to drink. For me this is an inside job. It starts, and stops, with me.

I hope you choose what is best for your long term health and sanity.

doggonecarl

The temptation to drink after you vowed to quit AFTER JUST FOUR DAYS should make it clear you need sobriety. The inability to quit despite wanting to be sober is proof of a problem.

That's not the same as being "ready" for sobriety. If you drink and wait until you are ready to quit, you might never get sober.

You are sober now, though. Hope you stay that way.

Soberwolf

Try this also play the tape of you drinking at the end - not pretty

Phone a trusted friend & stay online reading replying until it passes

Try this

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

Hevyn

maz - I felt that way after a few days too - but I resisted the temptation. I was angry & resentful - but everything changed & got better. It's understandable that you're having these feelings - we've relied on it for so long. We need to keep busy & find things to distract us in the early days. You can do this. Please don't cave.

AdelineRose

Don't give up on yourself after only 4 days! If you didn't have a very real problem then quitting for 4 days would not be difficult, "normal" drinkers don't phone friends to ask if they should drink, they don't call and ask someone to bring home a bottle and then when they find out the person has no money tell them to put it on a tab, and they don't have trouble stopping for awhile. Those are just a couple of red flags to show you that you do indeed have a drinking problem. As for being ready for sobriety, no addict is ever truly "ready" for sobriety, if you wait for the "perfect" moment then you will die an alcoholic. If we could stop just by being "ready" then people wouldn't go to jail for 10 years get out and start right off again risking their hard won freedom.

Have you been keeping a journal about how you are feeling and what your triggers are? Do you have any sober friends or family members you can turn to instead of turning to the people in your life that do not think you have a problem or ones that have a problem themselves?

The longer you stick it out the easier it will get to live a life free of alcohol and drugs. If you give in now, you will have to start back at day 1 and instead of the next 4 days getting easier they will be the same as these last 4 days or harder.

Gottalife

Hi Maz36,

This sort of thing happened to me many times. There were two things at the bottom of it.

One was the classic alcoholic thinking that this time I will handle, it, this time I'll just have a few and enjoy myself.

And the second, the further away from my last drink I was, the more uncomfortable I got. Life without alcohol looked bleak to say the least. I didn't know there was another life out there, my alcoholic life was the only normal one.

Eventually, through AA, I discovered that there was a better way available to me if I was willing to make the effort. But I wouldn't even look at AA until I was forced to, not by people, but by the booze.

ScottFromWI

Maz, hope you didn't buy any wine. To me it simply sounds like your addiction talking. The fact that you came here for help first tells me that part of you is ready to get sober. Listen to the reason in your own head and from everyone here and you can make the right choice. Your addiction only tells part of the story...it tells you some wine and a smoke would feel nice. It forgets to tell you about the anxiety, shame, hangovers and all the rest of the consequences.

Ariesagain

Day four was the worst. I felt like garbage all day. But it got better from there, with the occasional craving and now I'm on day 161.

The thing is that you're just getting over the hump in physical withdrawal. If you drink, you start all over, but it will be even harder next time. We've all been there.

You're so close to discovering what a different way to live can be...aren't you curious?

Maybe try this...movie, cigarettes, and hot chocolate. Sometimes a placebo fools the addiction quite nicely.

maz36

I'm very ashamed to say that my partner did bring home a bottle of wine for me and I did drink it. But it's important for me to point out for myself that I did NOT enjoy it.
The amazing fun and euphoria I thought that wine would bring didn't come. Instead I just feel muzzy-headed and kind of shameful.
The past four days - although it doesn't seem like very long to the outside world - felt very long to me. But for the first time in my life I imagined myself as a person who didn't drink. I also for the first time listened and heard my addiction talking rather than my own voice. It was like there are two different people battling inside of me. And I identified that so long as I tough out the cravings from 8pm - 11pm then they pass. I think I needed this to prove to myself that alcohol isn't even remotely as fun or exciting as I believed. I'm sorry I let everyone and myself down - but tomorrow's a new day and I'm moving forward from this. Thank you so much for your kind words. Hearing that there's light at the end of the tunnel and it gets easier from how I was feeling gives me hope. Please give me another chance.

REsoberALITY

You haven't let me down..... Try to keep your head up. No one said this would be easy. You do have to want to stop..... I'm hoping this means you're at or getting to that point. I will only be let down if I never see you back here saying "Day 1 again". Wishing you well.

Delilah1

Hi Maz,

I'm glad you came right back and posted. In the past I have stopped posting when I drank and that led to me drinking more. Like Aries, I am on Day 161, and this site has been my biggest support. You can do this, just start again tomorrow, and remember how you are feeling right now when the thought of drinking pops into your head again.

Looking forward to seeing you on here tomorrow!!!

Ariesagain

Back on the horse, sweetie. Now you know that drinkng is not all that and you don't have to keep doing it to yourself.

Better day tomorrow, yes?

maz36

You are all so kind - I will be back tomorrow

Hawkeye13

Hi maz--welcome to your new Day 1
You can do it

Cherrybreeze

Move on from the shame, maz - you just learned an important lesson, and had a breakthrough of sorts, I think.

I made my declaration to get sober while I was completely drunk. I had spent the evening drinking (alone, as per usual), didn't enjoy it - the thought of it made me want to throw up, but I kept doing it - and crying. Some happy buzz/euphoria, right? It had been building for weeks, until I finally could say, out loud and to someone else, that I couldn't let it continue and it was getting worse.

I hope you are feeling okay today. Use last night as a building block.

August252015

Indeed. You can do this.

Hevyn

Hope it's going well today, maz.