Doubter

I was in a mini rehab detox place for 10 days. I paid 4k. I could have stopped longer but i couldn't afford $20,000 for 12 weeks.

I was put under pressure the moment i walked in. i had to fill in 6 and half pages of my life story the first three days, if i didn't i would get a warning then discharge.

i managed to do it, was given the blue aa book and step 1 part 1 paper. I didn't do it because i was leaving in a few days. i hated it in there. im a shy person, not assertive at all. i had to listen to peoples stories and stepwork then give feedback. i had nothing to say.

would i be put under pressure again if i found a sponsor at aa and loads of paperwork

ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear you had a bad experience, have you stayed sober since you got out?

You aren't under pressure to do anything at AA meetings, you can just sit and listen if you like. Having said that, AA is a lot more than just going to meetings. Working the steps and getting a sponsor are integral. If you don't do the work you most likely won't see many of the benefits either.

entropy1964

Geez I don't think I can write my name in the first 3 days, let alone pen an autobiography. Oh well. Ya got detoxed right?

There shouldn't be pressure in AA. There will always be people that are pushing you to get a sponsor, get into service, go go go. Those folks don't get that some are very shy, have anxiety, huge trust issues, mental illnesses etc. I know they mean well but I just put the cone of silence over my head when I'm pushed. I don't attach to what they are saying. But some level of pushing myself is important because ultimately I have to get a sponsor.

Some sponsors, I think women especially, love them some paperwork. I had a sponsor that made the steps a research project with a thesis. Felt like I needed to get grants to complete it or something. Crazy. Doesn't work for me. What I do is ask potential sponsors for coffee, or a chat after a meeting and talk about what I believe works for me. I also remain open minded to suggestions because they probably know more than I do. If it doesn't seem like a fit, no harm no foul. Even if I start moving forward with someone and things aren't working, onward and upward.

That being said, I try to remain open and willing. Because I actually don't know what the heck I'm doing. Following direction is important. But the steps don't have to be complicated or perfect. They are always there to do again and again.

Doubter

This was a professional rehab. I think they put pressure on so that other people come in pay money, you leave and the cycle repeats. Money, money and more money.

Bunny211

No. If you get a good sponsor they will work with you at your own pace. My sponsor always tells me "You can only be where you're at." I am having a tough time with my amends (step 9) and we are taking a break from it rather than rush through it.

I am not sure where you are located but I highly suggest seeking out a Big Book Step Study (Hyannis Method) meeting and getting a sponsor there.

ScottFromWI

Getting sober is not easy, even in rehab. What's more important is what you plan to do now that you are out - are you planning on going to some AA meetings?

Doubter

Yes, i want to finish the steps. I want to complete all steps. no one will sponser me until ive had after 90 days sobriety. i don't blame them

Doubter

Someone said this to me. It frightened me.

It isn't easy to stop, still takes an average of five attempts, if it was that easy, it wouldn't be such an issue. Doing on the first try is rare.

August252015

Who told you that you can't get a sponsor til 90 days?!

It sounds like you are getting a lot of rough "feedback" and "support" and it really isn't helping. It would not help me either- hell, I too was nowhere near capable of working the steps at day 4! Other than step one and physically going to meetings while I started healing (physically) that was IT!

And, I too am facing a good deal of anxiety re step 4 with my sponsor. I feel like we slam-bammed redoing 1-3 and after 2 wks (ONE of our book work, reading and talking together) she has me doing my story. I write, and I am 100% committed to my sobriety, but this may just be too much- I feel like I am failing a class. We are getting together tomorrow- I think I will have to discuss this with her, just taking what I got down yesterday. THANK YOU, Bunny, for helping me put that down in words here!

And, Doubter - Step One is the ultimate step- I believe, you can recover at your own pace as long as you have sincerely admitted you are powerless over alcohol and you go from there.

Be kind to yourself- it sounds like you need it, especially today just for the day- and stick around!

ScottFromWI

It's just an opinion. If yon truly want to quit now you can, regardless of what any statistics say. Same for the person that told you that you need to be sober for 90 days before getting a sponsor...that is not an AA "rule", most likely just the opinion of that person. I would talk with others at the next meeting.

entropy1964

Hey doubter

Wonder where they got that one from? I can't count the number of times I've stopped/started. But that is me, and my journey. I try not to compare myself to anyone, ever. I try not to think that I'm 'less' than, or 'more' than. I am where I should be.

I am a very stubborn person. I have trouble with authority figures. Its my way or the highway. Oh and the addictive thinking kicker, I have had it harder than anyone else. Oh poor me. Love that one. So I had to get good and beat up before I gave up, waved the white flag. BTW I'm only 38, wait 39?, days sober this time...who knows where my thinking really is at this point.

Where am I going with this (I have the ramblies this AM)? If I had listened to those with some sober time, accepted that I can never drink again and learned new ways of thinking, I would be 12 years sober So, one can choose to stubbornly hang on to old ways of thinking and relapse. Or embrace recovery and change. That is up to you.

Doubter

Booked myself into another one for two weeks. I got funding not self paid.

I asked them if they put pressure on like having to fill out 7 pages of my life story in the first 4 days. They said no, it's just detox. medication and then you can relax, no pressure to do anything other than take my meds, chill out and get out of my system. waiting list between 8-12 weeks.

ScottFromWI

That sounds like a good move Doubter. I would imagine there will be a little more than just "chilling out" while you are there, hopefully they will have some sessions/meetings/group work to help you learn how to live sober when you get out.

Doubter

Not allowed to leave the building for the first week Scott. It's a hospital. When i come out, AA, sponsor and i'm going to work on the steps.

ScottFromWI

Kudos to you for making the commitment, it's a courageous step forward.

RallyAly

To me, this means plenty of people quit on their first or second time, given how many take well upwards of five tries and that the average or mean is five.

Doubter

Ok, am waiting on another detox but my local liquor store owner is giving me a hard time. I get the shakes and sweats but when this happens i go to his store to buy booze to get rid of the shakes but evertime i go and hes there he shouts, I THOUGHT YOU STOPPED, I THOUGHT YOU STOPPED!

So i end up walking miles to another store. He is stopping the alcohol from getting rid of my shakes. How dare he? its none of his business. hes lost a good customer

Ambuler

Uh, what???

I get the withdrawal, but seriously, do you really want to stop or not?

Thank God for the obvious STOP sign.

Doubter

I can't do it cold turkey which is why they're giving me a detox. They told me to drink enough to keep the shakes at bay. I've had a seizure before and this man will give me another one.