maz36

Hey everyone, I'm just looking for some feedback on my current thoughts.
I'm coming to the end of my 3rd day of sobriety. My cravings are fairly strong but manageable.
I have always been an anxious person and began drinking a bottle of wine a night to relax. I had a meticulous routine where I would start at 8.30pm. Drink the bottle of wine whilst chain-smoking 6 cigarettes and watching my television shows. I try to sync it all perfectly so that I my tv shows, 6 cigarettes and wine would all be finished at the same time.
I have always loved alcohol - I first began drinking at 15 on camping trips with friends and it instantly clicked. However I did not start drinking every night of the week until maybe 4 years ago. I stopped briefly but then resumed when I moved to an unfamiliar city alone and was bored, lonely and anxious. That's when the habit settled in. My dad is also a daily wine drinker - he drinks a bottle and a half a night.
However I was thinking - if I was to address my anxiety issues and continue to go my week without alcohol (which I fully intend to do) can I not reset my drinking patterns and drink only two days a week in the future? (With one week a month totally alcohol free to prevent dependence building up?) I just don't feel ready to say goodbye to alcohol COMPLETELY as I really enjoy it....

ScottFromWI

That's the ultimate pipe dream of all alcoholics - to "reset" our drinking patterns and go back to "normal" drinking.

It is certainly possible that you aren't an alcoholic, but if you are the answer to your question is no - you can never go back to normal drinking, not even with a year or a decade of abstinence.

3 days is great but you haven't even gotten through acute withdrawals yet. Drinking now would literally be just like you never stopped in the first place.

maimaitreya

You're living in an unhealthy rut regardless. Many people function as drinkers but they certainly are functioning well below their potential. Only you can decide.

maz36

I hypothetically intend to drink only before a day off. So that would be the 14th making it 10 days of abstinence.
I know I probably *need* to give up drink 100% but I don't *want* to! Eurgh it's hard!

JD

I have to echo Scott. Wouldn't we all like to reset or drinking patterns. That just doesn't work in the long run. You may be able to for a short period but before you know it you'll be right back to where you started or worse.

SoberCAH

I didn't particularly "want" to quit drinking.

The consequences of continuing to do so simply became too painful.

So I asked for help.

And I got it.

And I haven't had a drink or a drug since.

I hope you stick around and that you don't drink again.

ScottFromWI

I had hundreds of "hypothetical" solutions to my drinking problems. Here's a list of just a few that I tried
1. Drinking only 3 beers every night
2. Alternating NA beer with regular beer
3. Only drinking after 5pm
4. Moderation Management ( it's an official method believe it or not )
5. Not drinking after 8pm
6. Drinking lower alcohol beer

And the list went on. And every single one of them failed - why? Because i'm an alcoholic. I cannot moderate my drinking - period. I had to accept that and it sounds like you are having a hard time with that - which is understandable. But bottom line, there is no "in between". You are either an alcoholic or you are not. You could certainly try it again and see what happens, but the overwhelming evidence suggest that you will fail if you truly are addicted.

maz36

Maybe if I could form a routine that doesn't involve drinking. So far the past 3 days have been very empty. I have been keeping busy but busy doing things that are no fun. Like cleaning, having a bath, cutting the grass, gardening. If I could find something more fun than drinking to do from 6pm-11pm then I would feel a bit better. Any suggestions?

maz36

I know what you're saying is true Scott, and thank you so much for your replies. I am just struggling to imagine my life without alcohol ever. I mean if I had a deadline I think I could power through and abstain until a certain date. But in my mind alcohol improves everything and my life would be empty without it.
I want to cut down to lose weight, to not have a puffy face/bleary eyes, to eventually fall pregnant, to not feel guilty at work, to not worry about driving over the limit in the morning.
I hate this. I wish I could switch personalities with someone who could take it or leave it.

AAPJ

Does this all add up and make sense in your mind? If so go ahead and keep drinking but if not perhaps you might consider not drinking.

One more item. I have seen a lot of people who show up here with this kind of struggle and then disappear. Please remember that the door is always open here if you ever need some kind folks to support you in recovery if that's what you choose. But in the end it's your choice. Nobody here is going to force you to do something you don't want to do.

I wish you the best whatever you decide.

ScottFromWI

The link below is a great read if you are looking for things to do. Having said that, drinking isn't really something "to do". We do associate drinking with "things to do" because most of us drank while we did all the things you list and more. I personally drank every moment of the day that I wasn't sleeping or at work. So mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, camping, gardening, visiting relatives, it didn't matter what I was DOING, I was always drinking.

It was very, very hard for me to imagine doing those things without drinking, it is for just about all of us really. But the truth is that not only can you do those things sober, you can do them better. And being sober opens up opportunities you don't have while you are drunk ( driving for one, right? )

Learning to do all these things sober won't just happen, you need to have a firm plan in place first off. And you need support - which you can find here or lots of other places ( meetings, counseling, rehab, etc ). And even with those things, it wont' happen overnight - it takes time and it takes hard work. But in the end the results far outweigh the short term pain.

Here's the link I was talking about - worth a read.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html

Soberwolf

Welcome Maz

maz36

In case anyone is still reading this I have decided to give it my best shot. After reading online I found out it takes much longer than a week for a liver to recover. Also I have looked into exercise videos on YouTube. Also playing the violin again. I'm feeling a lot more positive. Sorry for such a moaning thread but thank you for your words of wisdom. I'll try my best.

AdelineRose

I always look at it like this, if I have to plan out what days I will drink, what days I won't, how many days do I need to not drink to fix tolerance, how long does it take for my liver to start to repair, etc. then that is a pretty large indicator that I need to quit drinking all together because I am an alcoholic and that is not "normal" or healthy thinking.

It is scary to think of our lives completely without our substance of choice, but the fact that it is so dear to us is even more evidence that we have an unhealthy relationship with the substance and that something needs to change. If you don't want to imagine the rest of your life without drinking then don't look at it that way, look at it as this hour I won't drink, this night I won't drink, this day I won't drink, this week I won't drink, etc. and eventually all those hours, nights, days, weeks, months, etc. will end up adding up to a lot of time without thinking about the scary NEVER AGAIN concept.

Gottalife

I wouldn't like to say whether you are and alcoholic or a hard drinker. Hard drinkers can stop or moderate if they have a good enough reason. They drink a bit like you do, excessive but regular amounts, never losing control, never suffering the insanity that goes with chronic alcoholism. Drinking is just routine, doesn't disrupt work or family life. I used to envy people who could drink like this.

However, hard drinkers can still suffer withdrawals, and they certainly suffer all the adverse health effects that the real alcoholic suffers. Like all kinds of cancer, heart disease, organ failure diabetes and so on. Even if you are not alcoholic, drinking as much as you do just about guarantees an early and painful death. Hard drinkers can stop or moderate of they choose. What will your choice be?

least

I hope you say goodbye to alcohol before it says goodbye to you.

Fly N Buy

Once I crossed the line into alcoholism I lost the ability to drink in a controlled manner. That option is gone and for real alcoholics it doesn't ever return.

Simply, at two years sober the release from the bondage of alcohol is so very great I wouldn't care to drink. The brights lights of joy and fellowship with the world around me is such a gift I would never purposefully desire to give it back.

Best of luck on your journey

Ariesagain

Quitting altogether is easier...notice I said easier, not easy. Trying to moderate with a bunch of complicated rules just keeps you thinking about booze all of the time instead of removing it from your life...and it never works, anyway.

You can do this!

SolidKarma

I think you need to read my post: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...st-got-me.html

Here is a blurb that I wrote earlier today:

"I feel I wanted to talk about another thing that was fascinating to me. Especially to other newcomers who might come look at these posts.

Some say that alcoholism is progressive, and even when you quit drinking, it stays right where you left it.

Now I had a hard time understanding or believing this. Because physiologically, tolerance to alcohol should go down when you stop drinking. I didn't drink for almost 4 months, and thus I thought when I relapsed 1 beer would mess me up!

Not even close. My tolerance was even HIGHER than the last time I drank! I easily drank 12 beers in a day, and I used to be done with 6.

I couldn't even believe this! I was experiencing first hand the progressive nature of my addiction. In fact, I can't even begin to think how this is possible, phyisologically. Anyway, just wanted to throw that out there."

There is no "resetting" with an alcoholic. If you are one, like myself, then I hope and pray for you that you realize this and develop a desire to QUIT drinking MORE than your 'love for alcohol'.

maz36

That is great advice! I'm going to take it a day at a time and see how things go. I made that post at 7.30pm last night (my time) which in hindsight is coming up to what would have been drinking o'clock so I think that's part of the reason why I was feeling so negative and my cravings were bad.