Today is the day

Old 06-05-2016, 08:04 AM
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Today is the day

Was sober for six years after 20 years of alcoholism until 2013. During that time, I went back to college, graduated, started a good career, got back in shape, made many wonderful sober friendships, moved several times. My life was better that it had ever been.

At the 5 year mark, I remember feeling lonely, like something was 'missing', though, and that feeling grew. One night I met work colleagues for happy hour and drank nonchalantly like it was guilt the next day. Didn't drink again for a month, but slowly, very slowly the chaos and pain returned. I have been trying to moderate, trying to stop, but I feel so defeated. Yesterday I drank 16 beers, at home, alone, though I had no plans to do that at all. What a waste of a beautiful day off.

Today it's the recovery day, also wasted. I was here last month, and made it 10 days. I couldn't stand to face anyone. I am finally back. I don't want to die from alcoholism. I just can't stand this anymore. I can't do this alone. I was in a support group during my six years of sobriety. I am back. There will never be the perfect day or situation. I need to shower and eat, and spend the day getting myself on track in sobriety. Read. Meet other sober people. Everyone here seems so wonderful. I am happy to have survived. Today is the day. Thank you so much for reading.

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Old 06-05-2016, 08:20 AM
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i'm happy you survived, too, and that you're here.
lots of support here and in real life people can be found, too.

welcome back.
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Old 06-05-2016, 08:32 AM
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Glad you're back--what is your recovery plan RBerry?
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Old 06-05-2016, 09:06 AM
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Hey Red

Welcome back! 6 years is no small achievement. I guess just do what cha did before and keep doing it everyday. Drinking, or not drinking (different than recovery), drinking too much, not enough, planning it, getting over it, stressing/obsessing over it...etc etc. That's pretty much an everyday deal too. Guess replacing all that crap with positive stuff is a good alternative.

Good luck and look forward to your participation!
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Old 06-05-2016, 10:22 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2015
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It's amazing how it creeps back into our lives. A guy on this forum created a spreadsheet once and he went a really long time without a drop, then he drank once and within 6 weeks he was back to daily drinking.

Congrats on committing to sobriety. You worked very hard to graduate and get your degree and career, would be a shame to allow booze to ruin it.
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Old 06-05-2016, 10:39 AM
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Hi & Welcome back RedBerry
6 years is awesome and I am glad you are back
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Old 06-05-2016, 10:48 AM
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Thank you so much, everyone. It's day 1. Feeling very sick and weak, but there is something beautiful about the day. Every single person who has any sobriety has had a Day 1. My recovery plan I am not sure about yet. I will read and write, post here and drink water. I'm showered and was able to eat a little. I don't know which group I should join or what to do. It's something I am slowly considering as my brain comes back a little. It's just after noon here. Each minute, each hour is so precious. Thank you for your welcome and kind remarks. I'm a bit heartbroken but I am sober and that feeling will ease.

I am focusing on it grows each minute. I'm remembering how healthy I got and the lovely people I met. I can have it all again. I never have to feel like I did this morning at 2:30 am, when my heart was pounding with the horror of realizing I had gone on a major binge, texted people while very upset about inane things...and then not being to get back to sleep after that. I've had a miserable day, but something is different about it. Something good. Thank you so much.

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Old 06-05-2016, 10:49 AM
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Welcome bk
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Old 06-05-2016, 10:58 AM
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You can join the class of June for extra support.

There's also the 24 hour recovery connections thread in Daily Support to post your daily commitment to staying sober.

Glad you came back.
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Old 06-05-2016, 01:15 PM
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Thank you, everyone. It is 3:22 pm on Day 1. I haven't left the house. Looking forward to a very early night since I awoke in hell at 2:30 am. If I hadn't gone overboard, if I hadn't woken up so early and was so sick--it might not even be Day 1. I am grateful now.


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Old 06-05-2016, 02:51 PM
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I'm glad to see you came back. It's really important to remain connected and not beat yourself up. Move forward. It's by living in the past we keep those demons around. You're doing great by coming here and posting and being part of something larger than yourself. It's never easy. I try to focus on today and the possibilities tomorrow will bring. Keep us posted
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Old 06-05-2016, 04:31 PM
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Welcome back to sobriety Red.

No matter what you are better than if you'd drank that entire 6 years. You just weren't done yet. Hopefully now you're done.

Thank you for sharing your story - I love to see those that stumble get up and try again.

You can do this!

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Old 06-05-2016, 06:03 PM
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Tomorrow should be better, RB - you're on your way.

I once had 3 yrs. sober. Without even thinking much about it, I decided I could have 'a few' glasses of wine with a friend. Off I went for 7 yrs. That's when I found SR in desperation one night - and I never left. I have no doubt now that I can't touch a drop. Glad you're here and reclaiming your life.
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Old 06-05-2016, 06:42 PM
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Welcome, it's great to meet you.
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Old 06-05-2016, 07:13 PM
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Your story is somewhat similar to mine. My drinking started in college and progressed from there. After about 20 years, the last several drinking to relax at the end of every day I finally managed to quit for 5 1/2 years. Then I got complacent and thought I was cured. Had a drink with dinner with some friends in a restaurant, and that before long my drinking was back to where it was several years ago.

Getting sober this time wasn't easy. I would quit for a week or two, and then end up on another 3 day bender. This went on for about a year. Finally I gave up, and went to AA. The combination of AA and this website helped me to get, and stay sober again. Maybe that would work for you?
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Old 06-05-2016, 08:25 PM
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Wow, more examples of how sneaky this alcoholism is. It can get anyone. It only takes a little complacency or loneliness or whatever and BLAM. If I think about it, it gets kinda scary. That's not good. I have to stay in today. RBJ that's rough but you had real good sobriety and your back on it. Way to go. Thanks for sharing your story, same with zebra1275.
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Old 06-06-2016, 01:28 AM
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Welcome Red!! Someone already posted a few links. The June class and the Newcomers section are great places to post, you will get lots of responses.

Looking forward to seeing you in SR!
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Old 06-06-2016, 02:20 AM
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Id swap you your sober six years for my miserable drunken ones any day mate. I have a Day 1 every other day . Like today is my new Day 1 , although I crack so easily I'm not even sure why I'm bothering anymore. I can't do it alone though. I've told my friends and family I'm giving up so many times and then failed the next day that I'm not even sure they take any notice any more .
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Old 06-06-2016, 02:40 AM
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Made it to Day 2, and feeling different. I was so tired of the Monday morning dread. Thought it was just how life was, but it's not. This morning, I don't feel that way. Thank you all so much for your support and caring.


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Old 06-06-2016, 03:49 PM
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Great job RedB--keep going
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