Reflections on 4 months
 

This week I've (sort of) been off work. I say sort of because I have still gone in to work but it's been on my terms and much more manageable. But, it's given me time to reflect on stuff....

I've reached my 4 months this week. In just 4 months since my last relapse, I've reached unimaginable highs and lows....I've made a pretty half-assed attempt at suicide, I've sat rocking with anxiety every morning wondering whether I can get out of bed, I've sat in a chapel after going through the steps on retreat and blubbed all the way through a sermon on forgiveness, I lost my sponsor to relapse, I've made some new friends, I've found a wonderful meeting that I try not to miss...and I've reconnected with God.

I feel stronger and calmer in so many ways. I went back and read some posts I'd written on this site at about the same time last year, and it was like it was written by another person. Was that really me? It is really dawning on me just how long I was sick for, how lost in self.

And yet...this is still the very beginning for me, I still have so much to learn. There were issues I had then around other people's drinking that are still as relevant today. I am still walking through the same family dynamics and learning how to make my peace with them. I still have doubts and anxieties.

But I no longer feel alone. Thanks all ❤️

I'm so happy that you've reached this, less treacherous, part of your recovery journey.

Much love to you.

Is it four months already. Boy that went quick:) It is nice to know you are no longer alone, and I love that feeling I think you have, of being on the right track at last. It is amazing to look back at ourselves and see a different person.

God bless you Jen.

Jen :grouphug:

You are doing the work and through it making your way to the safe harbor--it's there

That's great Jen. You seem very self aware....keep up the great work.

Keep it up!! It gets so much better!!

:c014:

So happy to read this, Jeni.

Keep it up Jeni. I read this and then went to do some things but kept thinking of it. I recently relapsed and am still in the early days of coming out of it. And I just thought to myself - I drink because I'm an alcoholic. That's what alcoholics do. The rest of the baggage comes along with it, but I don't have to live that way because I don't have to drink. It made me feel calm. Thanks for that.

hi Jeni,

yay!
life does its life thing but you are better:)

Hi Jeni, congratulations on 4 months. :c011:

Congrats on 4 months Jeni, that's fantastic and a true testament to your dedication/work. Your understanding of the concept that sobriety is an ongoing process ( vs a one time cure ) is very important, thanks for reminding us all of that. Thanks for all you do and share here on SR as well, we are all integral parts of the solution.

::shudder:: I dont miss those days. Good job! it will get better My anxiety was insane for like 8 months or so.

Great job! I am only a few weeks behind you (102 days today) and I look forward to that next month mark. Thanks for sharing- very relatable post!

Have a great weekend Jeni!

Wonderful, inspiring and brave share. Thank you. I'm also at four months and it is so encouraging to know others are here.

I've been following your journey for the past couple of years, Jeni, and am so happy for you. You and I have both been through a few relapses during that time, and it is so gratifying to see where we both are now. It sounds like you've made some significant discoveries this time around. You are so strong, and I'm so happy that no matter what has happened, you have not given up! So very proud of you.

Keep going, keep growing, keep learning. This will be the one that sticks. I know it! :You_Rock_

Hugs Jeni, you continue to inspire me. Xo!!!

Great job, inspiring!

4 months is AWESOME. ..You're well on your way jeni. Really cool!