mac6367

Sobriety feels so good, but unfortunately drinking is so glorified that being a sober person makes you "boring." It's sad. Being surrounded by people who think drinking is the only thing to do, the only way to have fun, makes it so much harder. I don't mean just my customers at work. My family and friends (especially as a 24 year old...) are the kind of people that all events have to revolve around alcohol to be fun. That's really been pounded into my mind since a very young age. It's definitely a mindset I need to change.

I have a lot I want to do with my life that drinking will only hinder. I experience so much more clarity and enjoyment in everyday activities in my sobriety, but being around my friends and family makes it so difficult to remember that.

I'm not sure how to maintain that mindset through my recovery when I'm constantly being told how much fun everyone had last night or how excited they are to go to camp this weekend to drink beer around the campfire and play drinking games. I find it almost impossible to not drink when I'm surrounded by people that are and are having a good time (outside of work, that is). I feel like I'm missing out. Any ideas or help out there for this kind of thing? I'm sure I'm not the only one experiencing it.

MIRecovery

You may wish to bear in mind an awful lot of people thought Hitler was the solution to their problems and the ones that didn't followed the crowd. If you associate with drinkers it should come as no surprise that they like to drink.

I have found that sobriety is about creating a new life not trying to make my old life work without alcohol

Gottalife

I used to believe alcohol was essential to have fun, and it had a lot to do with my upbringing. Alcohol = good times and it did for my family, but not for me. I was always chasing that good time that others seem to get, and that I used to get at the start, but for me alcohol = misery.

The obsession of the mind lead me to believe that the only way to have a good time, to be accepted in life etc was to drink. This is a lie, as I have since discovered. My social circle rarely drink, and when they do it is nothing like my kinda drinking. They are not boring and don't regard me as such. We have loads of fun and adventure together.

One thing I did in my drinking days was crticise those who didn't drink like I did as boring. I could not understand how they could drink so little. What was the point? Well, my alcoholic life was the only normal one, so how could I think anything else? The reality was that, as a drunk, it was me who was the bore.

entropy1964

I don't have to glorify drinking just because others do. I know it's hard but to recover I have to see alcohol for what it is for ME.

Alcoholism is progressive. It will get worse. You're young and it's great you see the need to change.

fantail

I just have to remind myself over and over again that when everyone else goes back to their normal lives the next day, I don't. Having a crazy night isn't something I'm physically capable of anymore, because once I start I'll drink every single day. I just have to keep very present in my mind the consequences. It's hard! I probably should have quit at 25 but I didn't manage any serious sober time until 29 because I really wanted to be part of the party.

I've gotten really good about being around people drinking while staying sober and still enjoying myself. But I'm also much better now at just leaving when it's too much for me.

fini

sdi,
this is where the suggestions for changes in addition to not drinking come in.
you'll hear people here say that they found just stopping drinking wasn't enough.
you may find you have to make further changes, and re-evaluating your friendships and activities might be one of those.
relationships and activities which don't put more weight/support on the sober side of the scale aren't in your best interest.

kittycat3

I agree with what fantail touched on. Even if it's a fun party and others enjoy getting tipsy, it's not fun for me anymore because I drink to blackout and / or spend 3 days afterwards in a hungover haze of shame and regret. Not accepting this 100% kept me drinking longer. But I accept it now, although there are times it is hard to not feel I'm missing out. I'm also seeking out sober friends in AA and finding activities that are not centered around alcohol / intoxication. This helps immensely, so that I'm too busy to worry about what others are doing.

whiteturtle

This really resonates with me. I would get almost annoyed or upset if no one else was drinking like I was at a get together, and be somehow bothered if they were perfectly happy stopping after two drinks. My alcoholic mind, as Gottalife put it, just didn't see the point in one or two drinks, and I am sure part of me wanted them to be "on my level" so I wasn't alone or feeling like an idiot for being super intoxicated while no one else was close.

I think reminding yourself of that is important to not feeling like you're missing out. Sure, you don't experience a "buzz" like they may get, but they are likely going to stop there, or at least not end up in detrimental blackout territory. You are more on their level as your sober self than your drunk self, who would have gone way overboard than what your friends are doing. Just have a pop in your hand during drinking games and sip that.

I am only on Day 2, but in my longest run of sobriety (a month), it was almost gratifying and enlightening to watch others continue to drink over the course of a night and know that I am not acting like them, and I am going to feel better tomorrow, and I am going to remember all the fun of the night.

Honestly, when the next day comes, or after months have passed, no one is going to look back on that night and say, "Oh, (name) didn't drink that night." They won't even recall that, they will just remember that you were also there as a part of the fun time that was had!

Ken33xx

Although I was starting to have problems with my drinking by the age of 24 I idea of quitting never entered my mind. Almost everything non-work related involved drinking.

I look at it two ways: . One I wish I had gotten sober at a younger age (stopped at 35.) On the other hand I have no illusions I might be able to drink without problems returning.

It`s tough. When I first joined AA I was under the impression everyone was at least 30 when they stopped drinking. When one fellow told me he got sober at 19 I didn`t know what to make of it.

However my experience at the age of 24 is the problems associated with drinking never stopped. They only got worse.

As far as my friends who still drink today? I still see them from time to time but take away the booze and we really have little in common. And those who drink heavily are still having problems.

Good luck

tomsteve

pretty cool to learn when i got sober that my life and my opinions didnt have to built by others' lives and opinions.
i spent many years hangin with wet places and around wet faces. used to think it was necessary to drink while fishing, at the races, camping, doing yardwork,must get drunk and smoke dope to go to a concert.
i sure had awhacked out perception. theres a LOT of people who enjoy those things without alcohol, but i wasnt gonna see that hangin with wet faces.

zjw

This is true and I used to think those people where bores. Either way they are what they are. I was at a party once after getting sober and found the drinkers obnoxious and aggravating and if oudn the party rather boreing. If i was not going to eat garbage food and consume booze wtf was i there for? So I left.

I've heard it said to surround yourself with the people you wanna be like. wanna be fit? hang out with fit people. Wanna be an artist hang out with artists. Wanna be a drunk ? hang out with drunks etc..

its one of those march to the beat of your own drum. I found myself alone a fair amt till I figured out a new routine with new people etc..

varadero

I have not drank since Dec 2015, thanks to the great help here, I am proud to not drank and I will never drink again. I found that I needed to find things to do because of the boredom of not drinking, I am now doing advanced motorbike training and a new bunch of friends, also joined a local target shooting club, again a new bunch of friends. My life has changed a lot for the better and I am enjoying it. I meet up with my old drinking friends and it is strange to see them in a drunken state, not good. A lot of friends and family are proud of what I have achieved, it was/is not easy but is well worth the effort.

Turtle76

I found that my friendships are changing. I have to limit contact with friends who still party like I used to. Not only does hearing thier stories get me into romanticizing alcohol, but they also tell me that I wasnt "that bad". This is dangerous territory for newly sober me. I still care for my friends, but I just cannot spend too much time with these people anymore. When I do, I make sure its an activity that does not include drinking, or thoughts of drinking. I have one "old" friend I go on walks with our dogs. Or I meet them for breakfast.

This is also one if the issues I was running into that got me to go to AA. I was 2 1/2 months sober when I went to my first meeting. Primarily because I realized I did not know anyone who didn't drink heavily. I had nobody to talk to about the issues I was facing besides my therapist, and I was getting lonely. I needed new friends and examples of how to live sober. I am now meeting women who talk openly and honestly about thier lives. And seeing how people function without alcohol as a social crutch. Its refreshing. I am still on the fence about AA as a whole, but I can say I have met some really remarkable people who truly understand.

ScottFromWI

I lived in that bubble for decades too. Alcohol absolutely HAD to be part of everything that I did, and I surrounded myself with people who were of the same mindset. Anytime I went anywhere or did anything the first consideration I made was to plant out exactly where and when I would be able to drink.

Once you start getting out and meeting people in the rest of the world, you find that our addictive thinking and our addictive habits put us in the minority. That will most likely mean that hanging out with the old drinking buddy crowd will have to change - but the good news is that most people aren't like that.

Mountainmanbob

Maybe we are fooling ourselves here.
Drinking a little booze from time to time may be glorified ?
But, being a drunk never is the accepted standard.

I know that I'm a drunk when running with the liquid devil.
True, my wife drinks [a] glass of wine after work most every day.
When did I ever drink like that ?
Never.

MB

JeffreyAK

It can be tough and it can seem like a sentence, but sometimes we have to disengage from our drinking buddies and find new friends if we want to stay sober. Taking a break at least for a while until you're stronger and more stable will help you avoid strong triggers and relapses during a phase when you are least able to deal with them. Eventually you'll probably find that you're not triggered by them anymore, but you might also find that you really just don't want to hang around with those people anymore, because the constant drinking and references to drinking just annoy you.

fantail

I definitely agree that finding friends who drink less can be very helpful. But I do want to chime in that not everyone finds that their friendships are built on alcohol. So it's not necessarily true that you need to completely drop your friends.

Each situation is different. But in my case, I didn't lose any friends over my change in drinking status. I have some friends who like to party, but that's not the only thing they do, so I just spend more time with them when they're doing other things and less when it's a party. But even at the parties, because these are people I genuinely enjoy being around and who are interesting to talk to, I tend to enjoy myself even when there's drinking.

YMMV. Just wanted to point out that there are different situations possible!

Berrybean

I used to feel like that. But as my sober time has been building I've felt more and more that I stay away from my friends and partner once they're past a few drinks because.... THEY are boring. Repeating themselves, talking without listening, grandiose plans that everyone knows (but can't say) that they'll never make any attempt to follow through, and that's all before they get to the know-it-all ranty stage (really, we don't need politicians in the uk. The government could just pop for a pint or ten with my partner and his mates one night. They have the answer to everything). They all make me Y A W N.

dangerDrinking

I used to be a HUGE partier. Then over the years after getting married and having kids, my drinking slowed down A LOT. I'm more of the going out once in a great while, but getting smashed drunk. Ending up in "dangerous" situations drunk. But not having a problem with staying away from it as I have built a sober life for myself and family. BUT, recently, I started to go out once every couple weeks, month and this last time, exactly 54 days ago, mind you, I'm a 45 year old mom of 2 precious girls 6 and 9, I was out till 4 am, alone walking downtown with my Uber driver cuz my "normal" drinking friend went home like "normal" drinking people do. Not me. I'm alone looking for a bar. It went from going out and having a couple, to me at 4 in the morning stumbling around basically alone (thank G my Uber driver was a sweetheart of a lady who was worried about me!).

That, even though it's once in a great while, is why I'm here.

Through my 1st thread I posted here, it was quickly apparent to me, that if I don't want to end up in these dangerous predicaments #1, I can't drink anymore and #2, I need to stay away from drinking situations till I have some good sober time under my belt. Which I have actually succeeded to do before for like 3 years? (it was after having my 1st child). And I remember after a year, it was not that difficult. These days? Not so much.

I have a family thing coming up that involves drinking and I'm going to tell you my plan. I plan to have my non-alcoholic beverage planned out and in my hand before anyone asks me to make me a drink. (They have "Happy Hour" eye roll - at 5pm sharp every eve!) I am going to come here when I'm having a rough time with everyone else drinking. I'm going to think of the next morning and how difficult it will be to watch my kids while on vacation if I'm hung over. Because there is no danger in this situation as it is a family get together over 4 days, I don't have that fear. What I DO fear, is that once I drink there, it's green light for me to drink at some point in the near future. It's like playing Russian Roulette for me and I just cannot risk it anymore.

So anyway, I understand your predicament about being around people who drink especially family and feeling like you need to join in or you're "boring". I get that so much and am dreading this trip. But, I think as the people on my thread were saying and I see people above have said, it's about building a life that doesn't require alcohol. And if you HAVE to be in a drinking situation like a family get together you can't get out of, have a plan.

Congratulations on making the decision to not drink and save your life and your future. I guarantee you will have a much more fulfilling and enriching - NOT BORING life by making the decision to choose sobriety.