Issue with other people's perceptions

Old 05-23-2016, 10:36 AM
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Issue with other people's perceptions

Hey y'all,

I'm currently struggling a lot with other people judging my program. I'll be the first to admit that the last few months I didn't work a good program AT ALL and I tried to control everything which led me into a self-induced manic-like state. I was engaging in stupid, compulsive behavior and living out of all of my character defects. I just picked up a year sober but apparently people I work with are saying that I relapsed, when I never picked up a drink or used. I understand that they probably perceived me to be on something because I was acting so crazy, but I don't think it's fair for them to tell other people I relapsed.

I'm trying to not let this get to me, but it is. A lot. Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks guys.
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Old 05-23-2016, 10:59 AM
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people judged the heck out of me for a long time probably still do. and man did it drive me nuts. and thats about all it did.

I got to the point where iw as liek I dont care I'm gonna march to the beat of my own drum and if they dont like it thats there problem and i'm not going to make it my problem. This drove some people even more nuts because i wasnt really even receptive to there judgement anymore. Eventually I guess they realized it was there problem and they grew tired of it and left me be the way that i am.

I dunno what your program is or isnt. But your a year sober thats a good thing! Congrats!
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Old 05-23-2016, 11:08 AM
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There are two issues I think. One is people's perceptions, the other is people's actions. The first is important to let go of, as you know. I work on that a lot myself (especially by reminding myself that I usually don't actually know what, if anything, people actually think of me!).

But in your case people are taking the action of sharing false information at your workplace, which is an actual harmful thing to do. I would take steps to calmly correct the information in whatever the most appropriate way is. Maybe pulling aside the person or people. It seems like rumors like that could hurt your employment.
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Old 05-23-2016, 11:45 AM
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Originally Posted by iflyairplanes1 View Post
.I tried to control everything which led me into a self-induced manic-like state. I was engaging in stupid, compulsive behavior and living out of all of my character defects..
What program are you referring to? If it's AA and the 12-Steps, It appears to me that you also need medical and psychiatric help. Seriously, no one ends up in a manic-like state just because they aren't working a good program.

I urge you to see your doctor ASAP at the very least. AA and the 12-Steps (or any other alcohol recovery program) are not meant to be used as treatment for medical and psychiatric issues. If you're having manic episodes, you should be use seeking medical assistance along with using the 12-Steps.
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Old 05-23-2016, 12:40 PM
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Sounds very similar to what I'm dealing. I agree with fantail and time2rise. Let go of what others think, correct the untrue gossip by sticking up for yourself where need be, and speak to a professional about how you are feeling if you feel out of control. I know it's not a fun place to be and the whole point of a program for sobriety is to be sober. If you want life recovery then sounds to me like you may need to do a little more intensive and deeper work with the help of someone who knows the ropes.
hang in there. There's hope for us.
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Old 05-23-2016, 12:59 PM
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BTW, congrats on one year sober.
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Old 05-23-2016, 01:09 PM
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I think one of the things I've found most beneficial about recovery is acceptance. And often this means accepting that other people DO behave in ways that may be unfair or unkind at times. Once we accept this as a matter of fact, rather than something to get hurt or resentful over, then we can learn to work past it.

Have you discussed this with your sponsor? If not, I would suggest that you do so. Depending on where you are in your step work, it would be helpful to include it in an inventory to explore your part in it - ie why it affects you as it does.

In the meantime, perhaps the Do It Anyway prayer could be helpful, alongside the serenity prayer? It always helps me when I lose sight of the bigger picture and what is really important.

God, help me to accept that people may be unreasonable and self-centred. Let me forgive them anyway.
Help me to accept that if I’m kind, people may accuse me of ulterior motives. Let me be kind anyway.
Help me to accept that if I find happiness, people may be jealous. Let me be happy anyway.
Help me to accept that the good I do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Let me do good anyway.
Help me to accept that I may give the world my best, and it may never be good enough. Let me give my best anyway.
God, help me to remember that it is between you and me. It was never between me and them anyway.
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Old 05-23-2016, 01:39 PM
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Congrats on a year ifly! It sounds to me like you may have some other issues going on as well, most of us do. Mine happens to be anxiety- and while getting sober helped, it was not a cure in istelf. I needed to seek professional help to learn to live with and manage my anxiety too. Have you considered counseling or done some before?

The "letting go" issue could very well be tied up in some of these underlying issues.

I'll tell you right up front though that what other people think about your recovery program is utterly meaningless if it works for you. And I'm thinking that if you have a year sober something must be working pretty well. Some people like to "judge" us for many things in life...but my theory on that is that it's their problem, not mine - so I couldn't care less what they think.
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Old 05-23-2016, 01:58 PM
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Are these people you work with as in a job, or in recovery?

If its work as in job, I would be concerned that 'people' know you're an alcoholic and are willing to spread false information. But if what is done is done, I would simply confront (in a professional and diplomatic way) those that are spreading the rumors. And I would be sure I'm positive who is responsible.

If its people you work with in recovery, they have no place to judge. It is no one's place to speak on your behalf with respect to relapse. I would do the same with those in recovery. Set them straight.

I would then let go of any resentment you have and try to move on. I was shopping yesterday at the Rack with my kiddo and the lady ringing us up said something like "People are going to judge me no matter what I do so I may as well be me" (this was in response to my daughter complimenting her non conformist hair). The comment made me sad in a way because I rarely get concerned if someone is judging me (that's the beauty of being old). It made me sad that that was her response because obviously she does care. Anyway, the comment was true.

Hang in there.
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Old 05-23-2016, 03:14 PM
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Thank y'all so much, I really appreciate it. I made an appointment to talk to a therapist later this week; it's been a minute since i've been in therapy and I think it will be good for me. I currently take Prozac for anxiety and depression which really helps. I'm going to talk to the therapist about the manic-like state because I've never really experienced that before other than when I was taking tons of Adderall. That was just the best wording I could use to describe what I was feeling and how I probably came across to others.

As for my workplace, I'm grateful to work for a company that was founded in sobriety and most of my coworkers are in the program. However, it's also a curse because everyone knows my business and is under the impression that I relapsed. I know they are just genuinely concerned for me but it's really bothering me lately.

I've been talking with my sponsor and praying about it all day today. I'm going to do another fourth step with my sponsor tomorrow and dive back into step work and service work to hopefully get me out of my head regarding all of this.

Thanks again y'all
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Old 05-23-2016, 05:10 PM
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Not knowing any of the details, I'm a bit unclear on what has others saying your relapsed. That being said, sobriety is your journey, and yours alone. What other people think is ultimately of no consequence. I can understand it being annoying, but we need to learn how to deal with it.

I was recently accused of missing a family event because they said I was drunk and "forgot" and they know it because they saw my truck at the liquor store. Complete lie and I could have gotten really angry, but I didn't. I know the truth and I'm at peace.
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Old 05-23-2016, 05:42 PM
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Grats on a year - that's huge !

To thine own self be true. The rest is irrelevant.
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