Young Alcoholic
 

Hey guys,

I was hoping to find support online, as I have no support from my family or friends. Last night seemed to be the tipping point: I went out to bars by myself, and I have no idea how I got home. Looking back at my cell phone, I want to vomit. The only solution to my anxiety and general lassitude is EtOH and benzodiazepines. I've woken up in the emergency room, random people's houses, or my own house soaked in my own urine not knowing how I returned to my house.

I want to get clean, but I'm embarrassed being this young and essentially abusing alcohol. I tried AA once, but I live in the deep south, and I'm an atheist. I'm also a senior medical student who works in the ED of all places.

I also live with my parents, and we generally don't talk. To be honest I just want someone with whom to talk, someone that has been through the depravity which is alcohol abuse. I feel so alone.

You'll find lots of support and good ideas here. :) To stop drinking, you have to just stop. It's always a good idea to check with your doctor for help in getting safely thru detox.

Then you need a recovery plan. I hope our support can help you get sober for good. :)

Did you get an AA Big Book when you were there?
Many have sobered up with just the reading and study of the book.

MB

Welcome Aaron. It is great that you are here at a young age. Sounds like you have much to get sober for.

Well etoh and benzos will ultimately make your anxiety and your lack of energy far worse. As a med student you probably know this. And combining the two can be lethal. Doubling up makes the effects of the alcohol much stronger which will exacerbate the blacking out, waking up in strange places and general complete lack of awareness when wasted.

Have you considered medically assisted detox to give you a safe and relatively comfortable start?

Thanks everyone for the quick reply -- I feel very welcomed here. Is there a .pdf of the Big Book somewhere, as I was unable to acquire a hard copy? Of course I can attend another meeting and get one at that time.

I have considered a detox (CIWAS is what we use in the hospital for what it's worth). However, from what I've seen, we use chlordiazepoxide and lorazepam for EtOHics w/ding in the hospital. Is this what detox consists of in the outpatient setting? Of course I would assume they would continually monitor my vitals, etc.

Thanks everyone.

Welcome, I hope you give AA another try. I sobered up when I was 17 years old many years ago. I also struggled with the Higher Power concept and came to understand it only had to be something of my own understanding. AA worked for me.

There are other methods these day which I'm sure others in this community can help you with. Just remember addiction doesn't care what your age is.

This is what I found for the Big Book online. Hope it helps.

Alcoholics Anonymous : Alcoholics Anonymous

Hi Aaron, so glad you found this forum, the people here are tremendously helpful and are here 24/7. While it is not a forgone conclusion, alcoholism and drug abuse could potentially destroy all of your hard work in undergrad and med school. I certainly won't lecture you on the dangers of mixing alcohol and benzo's as I'm sure you are acutely aware. Get a grip on this now, it might just save your life. Oh, and welcome to SR.

Please consider trying other meetings. I've been where you are, gave AA a shot in my 20s and left because I was so young and "they" were much older and "worse off than me". Now in my late 30s I've found a meeting I love going to, and I am on the older side. Lots of young people who seem happy and secure in their lives! I have something I can learn from them. You don't have to do it alone, and if you are like me, you need help from others to make a change.
Keep posting to SR too, it's helped me a lot!

Also I hope you see that being young and sober is an awesome strength- be proud of the fact that you identified a problem and want to fix it! Many others are self destructive for years and suffer a lot of losses before they get sober.

Here's an idea. Try going back to AA but don't say you're a newcomer. This isn't a requirement. The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. By not saying you are a newcomer you'll get a chance to simple check things out.

Listen to the shares and this might give you a better understanding on how others have abused alcohol. When you begin to feel comfortable you might want to share your own experiences with alcohol.

Also my guess is many of the meetings in your area will have a religious tone. However, you don't have to buy into this line of thinking. For now just try and focus on getting a handle on what's going on with your drinking.

AA meetings are the only place I know where you can find such talk outside of a treatment center and who has money for that?

Good luck

Nice to meet you Aaron

It's great to meet you, Aaron. I'm glad you're realizing what has to happen. I went on for decades thinking I could use willpower to just have 'a few'. Once that first drink hits, unexpected & dangerous things happen. Welcome!

Welcome Aaron.. Don't ever be embarrassed to ask for help!! You're in the medical field, you have to know drinking and benzos are an extremely dangerous cocktail! Quit while you're ahead!

Hi Aaron,
when I first joined AA, everyone looked old. Now they all look young! It works just as well for the young as the old. It is the same malady, just that those of us that get in trouble young don't always have the time to get old before we recover. Alcoholism will kill us long before that.

I struggled with the God ideas for two apparent reasons. Firstly it made a good smoke screen to divert attention away from some of the other steps. I did not like the look of them one bit.

And secondly, being completely lacking in wisdom, life experience, and intellectual ability, I wasn't really in the best place to "know" about God one way or the other.

The AAs of the time asked if I was willing to believe. I was willing to do anything, so I was willing to believe, even though I didn't, provided I got some evidence along the way.

So I got into those steps with that willingness to try anything, and I had and continue to have some life changing experiences that have settled my views on God. Today I have a belief based in experience. The more experience I get, the stronger my faith becomes. All it took was a little willingness.