So remorseful/So drunk
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Join Date: Jun 2014
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So remorseful/So drunk
There's a fellow in his late twenties who showed up to the meeting last night and shared about how he blew it again and the trouble he caused on his night out.
I can related to the guy because I used to feel rotten after I screwed up big time as well. I too was serious about doing something about my drinking but such feelings didn't stick around long. A few days later and I was back on my feet and drinking again.
The guy last night was almost in tears as he shared, "Why can't I stop, why can't I stop!"
Why? Probably the same reason I couldn't: I didn't want to.
And once the mess cleared up it was back to the bottle.
It wasn't until I realized I was coming in for a crash landing and was truly worried/scared I decided to really look at my drinking.
Until then it was poor me. I drank too much and blah, blah, blah.
I can related to the guy because I used to feel rotten after I screwed up big time as well. I too was serious about doing something about my drinking but such feelings didn't stick around long. A few days later and I was back on my feet and drinking again.
The guy last night was almost in tears as he shared, "Why can't I stop, why can't I stop!"
Why? Probably the same reason I couldn't: I didn't want to.
And once the mess cleared up it was back to the bottle.
It wasn't until I realized I was coming in for a crash landing and was truly worried/scared I decided to really look at my drinking.
Until then it was poor me. I drank too much and blah, blah, blah.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
I have been in that man's shoes many, many times.
I would hit what I considered a "bottom," cry and nurse the hangover for a few days until I would decide to give drinking another try. I certainly wouldn't drink as much this time. No more blackouts. I won't finish the twelve pack.
Often it wasn't even a few days. I'd drink the very next day to help numb the feelings of guilt and cure the hangover.
It sounds cliche to say "I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink," but that's precisely what happens. And there are no words that can quiet explain it someone who hasn't reached that point.
If I tried to put it into once sentence, from my experience, it was when I realized, with every cell in my body, that nothing could possibly be worse than continuing to drink. Not even the fear of never having the option to drink again.
Everything got just bad enough to where sobriety looked like the easier, softer way. It happened very suddenly. My moment was June 27, 2016. I wasn't scare of sobriety as much as I was scared of continuing to drink. The hangovers had evolved into something very dark and frightening. Madness. Another thing that words can't quite explain unless you've experienced the hangovers where you feel sped up, you can't sit still, you are frightened like a child, you jump at sudden noises, you are so depressed you don't know if you can do another day.
I feel for that guy and I hope this is his moment of clarity.
I would hit what I considered a "bottom," cry and nurse the hangover for a few days until I would decide to give drinking another try. I certainly wouldn't drink as much this time. No more blackouts. I won't finish the twelve pack.
Often it wasn't even a few days. I'd drink the very next day to help numb the feelings of guilt and cure the hangover.
It sounds cliche to say "I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink," but that's precisely what happens. And there are no words that can quiet explain it someone who hasn't reached that point.
If I tried to put it into once sentence, from my experience, it was when I realized, with every cell in my body, that nothing could possibly be worse than continuing to drink. Not even the fear of never having the option to drink again.
Everything got just bad enough to where sobriety looked like the easier, softer way. It happened very suddenly. My moment was June 27, 2016. I wasn't scare of sobriety as much as I was scared of continuing to drink. The hangovers had evolved into something very dark and frightening. Madness. Another thing that words can't quite explain unless you've experienced the hangovers where you feel sped up, you can't sit still, you are frightened like a child, you jump at sudden noises, you are so depressed you don't know if you can do another day.
I feel for that guy and I hope this is his moment of clarity.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
I couldn't stop, despite all my best intentions, because I was physically addicted.
If I didn't drink, I went into withdrawal. I was a hard core alcoholic.
It took realizing I couldn't quit to making me quit. It took many, many attempts. And belief that a Higher Power could help me. It's been over five years now for this seemingly hopeless drunk. I help others. I come here. And I never, never forget how low I became.
I feel so fortunate I made it out and I pray for those still suffering and those in sobriety.
I was addicted to alcohol. Now I'm not. I won't share the gory details that got me here, but it was bad. I'm given a daily reprieve. That's it one day at a time.
Hope this makes sense, it's late here....
If I didn't drink, I went into withdrawal. I was a hard core alcoholic.
It took realizing I couldn't quit to making me quit. It took many, many attempts. And belief that a Higher Power could help me. It's been over five years now for this seemingly hopeless drunk. I help others. I come here. And I never, never forget how low I became.
I feel so fortunate I made it out and I pray for those still suffering and those in sobriety.
I was addicted to alcohol. Now I'm not. I won't share the gory details that got me here, but it was bad. I'm given a daily reprieve. That's it one day at a time.
Hope this makes sense, it's late here....
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
I have been there also, although I can say I quit because I had enough of what booze had done to my life, I had said that many times in the past and failed to stay sober. All I know is I believe I finally have what it takes and my journey thus far has been different than the past, could be my acceptance, determination etc.
I see people stating they can not stop and I feel for them, if we get beyond this and stay sober it gets easier as many of us know, it's just getting past the initial few weeks, having a good support system in place and a plan.
Thanks for the post
Andrew
I see people stating they can not stop and I feel for them, if we get beyond this and stay sober it gets easier as many of us know, it's just getting past the initial few weeks, having a good support system in place and a plan.
Thanks for the post
Andrew
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
This kind of thing makes me sad though. Is the only thing we can offer people that they need to want it more? I'm still not sure where desire fits in for me and my quit process. I wanted it enough to ask others to intervene and save me from myself. But I'm not sure that's the same as wanting it more than I wanted to drink. In fact I think it was kind of an admission of the opposite. There were two parts of me at war. The part that wanted sobriety was too weak to win without help. It was a fake it til you make it kind of approach but it worked for me.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers 
I have been in that man's shoes many, many times.
I would hit what I considered a "bottom," cry and nurse the hangover for a few days until I would decide to give drinking another try. I certainly wouldn't drink as much this time. No more blackouts. I won't finish the twelve pack.
Often it wasn't even a few days. I'd drink the very next day to help numb the feelings of guilt and cure the hangover.
It sounds cliche to say "I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink," but that's precisely what happens. And there are no words that can quiet explain it someone who hasn't reached that point.
If I tried to put it into once sentence, from my experience, it was when I realized, with every cell in my body, that nothing could possibly be worse than continuing to drink. Not even the fear of never having the option to drink again.
Everything got just bad enough to where sobriety looked like the easier, softer way. It happened very suddenly. My moment was June 27, 2016. I wasn't scare of sobriety as much as I was scared of continuing to drink. The hangovers had evolved into something very dark and frightening. Madness. Another thing that words can't quite explain unless you've experienced the hangovers where you feel sped up, you can't sit still, you are frightened like a child, you jump at sudden noises, you are so depressed you don't know if you can do another day.
I feel for that guy and I hope this is his moment of clarity.
I would hit what I considered a "bottom," cry and nurse the hangover for a few days until I would decide to give drinking another try. I certainly wouldn't drink as much this time. No more blackouts. I won't finish the twelve pack.
Often it wasn't even a few days. I'd drink the very next day to help numb the feelings of guilt and cure the hangover.
It sounds cliche to say "I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink," but that's precisely what happens. And there are no words that can quiet explain it someone who hasn't reached that point.
If I tried to put it into once sentence, from my experience, it was when I realized, with every cell in my body, that nothing could possibly be worse than continuing to drink. Not even the fear of never having the option to drink again.
Everything got just bad enough to where sobriety looked like the easier, softer way. It happened very suddenly. My moment was June 27, 2016. I wasn't scare of sobriety as much as I was scared of continuing to drink. The hangovers had evolved into something very dark and frightening. Madness. Another thing that words can't quite explain unless you've experienced the hangovers where you feel sped up, you can't sit still, you are frightened like a child, you jump at sudden noises, you are so depressed you don't know if you can do another day.
I feel for that guy and I hope this is his moment of clarity.
There was nothing extraordinary or earth-shattering about the day of my last drink. All that happened was an almost imperceptible but world-changing shift in momentum from wanting to drink more than I wanted to be sober, to wanting to be sober more than I wanted to be drunk -- and being willing to do whatever it took to keep it that way.
Great post, but you might want to re-check your sobriety date
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers
The hangovers had evolved into something very dark and frightening. Madness..
Powerful post, Ken.. Thanks!
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
"Why can't I?!" (stop)
Good question. And one that is asked a lot by anyone trying to stop with destructive habits.
To be totally honest, it was not hard for me to stop drinking, cold turkey. So then, I thought, maybe I don't have a 'problem'. Not so...If I never had a problem I wouldn't have a need to consciously stop! But it is often the case that people will try to find things that reassure them they don't really have a problem.
I've always felt that if a person wants something bad enough and really put their all into it, they can overcome whatever it is they need to overcome.
For a lot of folks, just stopping alcohol intake is very hard, but for others, dealing with the underlying issues is the hardest part of all.
Example: Drinking because of low self esteem. If a person has a low self esteem that led to drinking to"feel better", how does a person overcome that? It's a journey, but soooo worthwhile and everything one puts into this journey; every effort; every ounce of strength, will reward them 100 fold!!
Good question. And one that is asked a lot by anyone trying to stop with destructive habits.
To be totally honest, it was not hard for me to stop drinking, cold turkey. So then, I thought, maybe I don't have a 'problem'. Not so...If I never had a problem I wouldn't have a need to consciously stop! But it is often the case that people will try to find things that reassure them they don't really have a problem.
I've always felt that if a person wants something bad enough and really put their all into it, they can overcome whatever it is they need to overcome.
For a lot of folks, just stopping alcohol intake is very hard, but for others, dealing with the underlying issues is the hardest part of all.
Example: Drinking because of low self esteem. If a person has a low self esteem that led to drinking to"feel better", how does a person overcome that? It's a journey, but soooo worthwhile and everything one puts into this journey; every effort; every ounce of strength, will reward them 100 fold!!
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers
Everything got just bad enough to where sobriety looked like the easier, softer way. It happened very suddenly. My moment was June 27, 2016. I wasn't scare of sobriety as much as I was scared of continuing to drink.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Physically addicted, a disease, weak-will, or just plain f-ed up. Check off as many or as few as you like. It's all ends the same . A problem with the bottle.
In this case the young man (he's 27 I'm 58 so he's young to me...) has returned to the rooms several times after being out. It's the same spiel: drank too much and a story of remorse/guilt.
I realize when a member returns after drinking they are often embarrassed so I do my best to make them feel welcome. However, I'm not going to enable anyone either. This likeable fellows knows about the AA program, has a sponsor, extra telephone numbers, the whole bit.
Ultimately, he has to decide if he wants to get sober or not. And if last Saturday night was any indication he's not getting much sympathy. The meeting was about over and he was still going on about what happened when others began packing up.
I didn't close the meeting until he was finished but it was apparent nobody really cares to hear his "woe is me" stories anymore.
In this case the young man (he's 27 I'm 58 so he's young to me...) has returned to the rooms several times after being out. It's the same spiel: drank too much and a story of remorse/guilt.
I realize when a member returns after drinking they are often embarrassed so I do my best to make them feel welcome. However, I'm not going to enable anyone either. This likeable fellows knows about the AA program, has a sponsor, extra telephone numbers, the whole bit.
Ultimately, he has to decide if he wants to get sober or not. And if last Saturday night was any indication he's not getting much sympathy. The meeting was about over and he was still going on about what happened when others began packing up.
I didn't close the meeting until he was finished but it was apparent nobody really cares to hear his "woe is me" stories anymore.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 155
I remember days where I would be curled up in a ball, begging myself to stop and I just couldn't... I didn't know how and there weren't as many tools and as much help available back then... plus, I just didn't have any knowledge about how it all progresses... yikes...
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Originally Posted by fantail
This kind of thing makes me sad though. Is the only thing we can offer people that they need to want it more?
Active drinkers and alcoholics are simply not good listeners. Who wants to hear that your favorite pastime is going to kill you? The sad part for me is that most people I know didn't quit until they had a serious scare or a huge loss (marriage, job, etc). The key is getting better awareness out there to young people earlier in life - booze is not harmless, fun and sporty. It's often deadly and extremely dangerous to anyone that uses the product.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
I wish this young man well.
I still had 3 more years of hard drinking when I was this guy's age.
When I was 31 and my life was completely unmanageable, I finally decided that, even though alcohol was the only thing which gave me some relief (not much by that point) from my awful feelings, it was so bad that the benefit of trying to live without it may outweigh what little relief the bottle still had for me.
I hope that this young man makes that same decision before it's too late.
I still had 3 more years of hard drinking when I was this guy's age.
When I was 31 and my life was completely unmanageable, I finally decided that, even though alcohol was the only thing which gave me some relief (not much by that point) from my awful feelings, it was so bad that the benefit of trying to live without it may outweigh what little relief the bottle still had for me.
I hope that this young man makes that same decision before it's too late.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Originally Posted by bigsombrero
I was given tons of advice but preferred to continue drinking. It was the 2nd ambulance ride to the hospital that finally got me on the wagon. I certainly would not recommend that method to others, though!
Active drinkers and alcoholics are simply not good listeners. Who wants to hear that your favorite pastime is going to kill you?
Active drinkers and alcoholics are simply not good listeners. Who wants to hear that your favorite pastime is going to kill you?
It was a serious health diagnosis that got me on the wagon. Before I had a doctor looking me in the eye, telling me very calmly (the calm tone scared me the most) what I was doing to my liver, nothing got through to me. I always like to add that I was only 31 when I had that doctor visit. I thought I was too young for stuff like that. The damage reversed itself with abstinence.
Everyone has a different moment of clarity.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
I too had to experience some serious suffering until I decided I was done. For me it took changing how I viewed alcohol, from a harmless pastime to a deadly poison, that got me to never even consider drinking it again.
I think that some of the relapsers seriously want sobriety more than being a drunk, they just can't see a path to get there. And that is what make this place and all you lovely sober people so priceless... You have all found a path out of addiction. I love reading the many ways that people get sober.
I think that some of the relapsers seriously want sobriety more than being a drunk, they just can't see a path to get there. And that is what make this place and all you lovely sober people so priceless... You have all found a path out of addiction. I love reading the many ways that people get sober.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
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Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers
Really good post here.
It was a serious health diagnosis that got me on the wagon. Before I had a doctor looking me in the eye, telling me very calmly (the calm tone scared me the most) what I was doing to my liver, nothing got through to me. I always like to add that I was only 31 when I had that doctor visit. I thought I was too young for stuff like that. The damage reversed itself with abstinence.
Everyone has a different moment of clarity.
It was a serious health diagnosis that got me on the wagon. Before I had a doctor looking me in the eye, telling me very calmly (the calm tone scared me the most) what I was doing to my liver, nothing got through to me. I always like to add that I was only 31 when I had that doctor visit. I thought I was too young for stuff like that. The damage reversed itself with abstinence.
Everyone has a different moment of clarity.
I hope you don't have the health issues/close-to-the-line issues that I and the poster above have dealt with, and that you stop before you have any.
My advice (from day 87 and gradually unraveling my messes and rebuilding my life) is to deal with the concrete you must address (work/money) and don't create or invite things that are perfect storms for problems (going to bars, dashing into a "relationship"). Deal with the basics, and keep dealing with them. As my psychiatrist said to me yesterday, it is ok to let yourself address a small number of things and just keep moving forward. That's a tall enough order for anyone wanting (key word) to get sober. Good luck.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Somewhere in California
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Originally Posted by Dave42001
This really reached out to me, Melinda! I will never forget those last days of my drinking career.. I was living a horror movie.. Powerful post, Ken.. Thanks!
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I've never forgotten where I was, what I looked like or how I felt when I hit my bottom and this has been a strong component of my recovery.
Because no matter what is going on I'm infinitely better off today than my last years of drinking
Because no matter what is going on I'm infinitely better off today than my last years of drinking
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
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Originally Posted by GnikNus
I feel the same way. It was what got me to quit drinking. The scary, panic filled hangovers/withdrawals were something I never wanted to experience again.
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