alaek

I'm ashamed to say that I'm almost 2 years sober and yet so confused about everything. I know 2 years isn't that long, but to me, it feels way too long. It doesn't help that I'm 24, and surrounded by friends who still party and drink all the time. They can't seem to understand why I made the "extreme" decision to get sober because to them, I'm no where near an "addict". I get so caught up in that word... "addict"... am I an addict? An alcoholic? And does it even matter anyways? I compare myself to everyone, addicts and non addicts. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I was never really as bad as most of the addicts I know, yet I can't relate to any of my friends who don't seem to think they have a drinking problem. What do I do??? I'm tired of feeling like my friends/family think I am just an overdramatic, extreme person who "thinks" they have a problem but really doesn't. I believe I had unhealthy drinking habits and if I continued, I would definitely get worse and worse. That's why I decided to stop at a young age. But it hurts that no one truly supports my decision. I find myself thinking, all the time, "maybe I should just relapse... then maybe I can really show them what an addict looks like..." This is obviously not right. But I think it a lot. I am hurt, tired of feeling tired, I can't take the cravings and the feeling of just wanting to give up on everything. Why am I feeling this way after 2 years????

least

Congrats on two years sober! To change your attitude, I recommend practicing gratitude every day. Each day find at least one thing to be grateful for. Start counting your blessings. That will put your focus on the positives instead of the negatives. I started practicing gratitude at about three months sober when I was still miserable.

It really changed me, for the better. It changed my whole attitude and way of looking at things.

Jsober

Do you attend a program? Spending time with other alcoholics/addicts helps to remind me that I'm not alone in this. There are many other people that have chosen to be sober and are living a life of recovery.
To your other question- I don't think that it's important if you label yourself an alcoholic or not. If alcohol was a problem for you then you should not drink it. Only you can decide that. Congrats on your decision- you have a chance at a great life now and you saved yourself immense pain in the future.

alaek

I do attend AA, I go sporadically, and I don't have a home group or sponsor. Honestly, AA makes me want to relapse, because I feel like I don't relate or "fit in" with them. I never went to rehab, got a DUI, was "really bad" so I think to myself-- maybe if I let myself get really bad, then it would be easier for me to see the reasons to stay sober? I know it's totally crazy, but AA makes me feel confused more than helped......

D122y

Nobody is perfect. We all fight inner battles all the time.

This site is a great place to vent it out to folks that want to help.

Picking up drinking again will be a huge mistake.

You have a huge leg up on your future by being sober. Being a drunk does nothing good for you.

A few hours of Euphoric stupor followed by days of pain to the mind and body.

There is no problem alcohol can't make worse.

Suggest try to find an activity where you are giving of yourself. Helping your family w chores, helping someone on SR, donating time or money to a charity etc.

When you are feeling down and needy, give of yourself freely and anononamously, and you are rewarded 10 fold.

I am a Dad and teacher. I try to help my family and my students. I find comfort in that.

Thanks.

k1rk

Awesome Job on the 2 years!! When I was your age I too felt conflicted about my drinking and using. There is no true definition of a alcoholic/addict because we are all different. I wish everyday I could have stopped at 24!! Don't beat yourself up man. You are doing a great job!!!!!! BTW your true friends will support your every decision!! I started drinking at 13 and tried to quit several times and none of my "friends" tried helping me. They would just hand me another one!! I am over 3 years clean/sober at 45!

aasharon90

Tryiny to make others understand our
recovery from addiction never worked
for me until I learned the word Acceptance.

I had gotten to the point where I was
so sick and tired of explaining why I
need my recovery program to live by
and that my addiction to alcohol was
and almost killed me.

I could try to explain till I was blue
in the face so to speak to others,
family, friends, and who would it
disturb or bother the most? Me.

In recovery, rehab, aftercare program,
all that was taught to me about my addiction
and a program of recovery to incorporate
in all areas of my life, I pass that experience,
strengths and hopes to others suffering
with addiction in rooms of AA and here in
Sober Recovery.

I commend you for your own 2 yrs sober,
especially recognizing that your addiction
was a serious problem at a young age and
did something about it.

At 25 yrs sober myself and after all that
Ive learned so far, I definitely believe and
know that if I was to ever pick up a drink
of poison that I would be picking up exactly
where I left of so many one days sober ago.

My addiction would be so powerful like
waking up that tiger I put to sleep yrs ago,
starting out as a baby cub, but today it wont
be little. It will be a huge, ferocious beast,
ripping, roaring, till it consumes me and
im gone.

Coming here like you did to share you
own ESH, experiences, strengths and
hopes of what your life was and is like
before, during and after your addiction,
not only will help a new comer or continue
to give to those struggling themselves
at a young age like you, not only will help
you remain sober yourself, but will give
other hope that if you can remain sober
then they can too.

Surround yourself with positivity, folks
that understand addiction, accept those
that don't understand it, continue to learn
knew healthier ways to remain sober, then
pass it on to others still suffering with it.

Acceptance is the key. Accept people, places,
and things just as they are because there is
no way we can change them ourselves or make
them understand.

Share what you know and continue on
your path in recovery living healthy, happy
and honest in all you do.

tomsteve

and thats the problem many experience- they look at the actions of others and not the thinking.

heres something from the big book:

We think that about one-half of today's incoming A.A. members were never advanced cases of alcoholism; though, given time, all might have been.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
The twelve who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these twelve A.A.'s, and thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up like this: "We didn't wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous."


very early on i compared the actions,too. eventually i started hearing the thinking of the ex prostitute, the man who had many visits to a psych ward, man who lived under a bridge, the successful business owner, the neurosurgeon, college student...... i had the same thinking- same low self esteem, fear, ego, pride- same underlying issues.
however
there is absolutely no way i would have heard that if i attended sporadically. no way i would have gained new friends- friends that helped(and still help) me through anything i may face.


true friends wouldnt try andconvince me i dont have a problem with alcohol.

miamifella

I had a very similar experience as you. I did not have the same background as other people in the program and hearing everyone bragging about their jobs and homes made me feel hopeless and alone.

In fact, I would often leave 12-step meetings and immediately call my dealer.

I left the program and now that I have more time I am going back. I am still not sure if it is for me, but now that I am a little more secure in my recovery, I find it less triggering.

totfit

Being human is "confusing". We seem to compare ourselves to others, but only see the outside. We don't see their inside and that they are confused much like we are also. Really, there is no reason to seek validation from others, especially others that have a drinking issue themselves for which they deny or that have none at all. Neither will understand your decision. The former is in denial and the latter just won't get it.

All you have to tell anyone or all you really have to tell yourself is that drinking just does not agree with you, period. That is essentially the bottom line and the way I look at it and approach it. If something does not agree with me, then there is no reason for me to do it, nor should I. One thing I can say from experience is that the older you get, the less that others opinions matter and the more one becomes content if they continue to make choices in their best interest. Best to you.

tomsteve

you heard what they are like now, but did you listen to what they used to be like a d what happened?mdid you listen to the thinking?
although i never did heroin or lived in the streets, one of my best friends is an ex junkie i met in aa that once lived in the streets of miami.

Mountainmanbob

Being grateful can be the key to happiness.
MB

zjw

you are what you are and you gotta do whats best for you. no matter what you choose not everyone will agree with you. You could start drinking again and find peopel complaining at some point that you drink to much and you should quit. You'll never please everyone so dont bother to. Just do what works for you to stay sober and happy and healthy. We are not all born with some sorta alcohol deficiency alcoholic or not there is no good reason to consume it. So regardless of whatever "label" you want for yourself does it really even matter?

miamifella

I think it really would help to hear more about what people were like and how they changed. But with such an emphasis on "living in the solution" and sharing "strength and hope," I mostly heard about how fabulous their lives are now. I understand that the point is to motivate people, but a bit more about how to get there would helped more.

My life was not so fabulous and I often was called out on sharing about the negative things in my life.

Now I am careful not to share personal information and not stick around after the meetings, so I do not have to be subject to the groups' judgement.

And this does help. I do not leave meetings upset and hear some really helpful things said.

tomsteve

did you attend 1st step meetings or bring this up at a meeting?

im reading you being quite judgemental,too.

zjw

I agree with you a lot. I also felt like that I was mr negative etc.. and I thought i'm just saying it how it is whats so negative about that.

I felt like people who quit drinking quit smoking painted this rosey picture that didnt exist or they where plain dillusional or had some odd circumstances IE someone handed them some great opportunity on a silver platter and well that just doesnt happen to everyone.

I guess I got to the point tho where I just quit paying attention to those types. Then i started to find more folks that where more like middle ground ya know the types that might say yeah it can suck sometiems but gotta keep moving forward what can you do etc...

I started putting more of my attention on the good things in my life and less on the bad etc.. tried really hard and still to on being content and happy with what i have etc...

I still get it tho in other ways. for example I have friends who feel i'm wasting my carreer away. I'm so talented they say and the fact that I no longer care is tragic. It doesnt much phase me tho I'm just preoccupied with other things that make me happy is all i'm fine with it. I'm not down in the dumps over it etc..

So theres always gonna be that person to put you down about something always. Despite all the progress i've made the people that would put me down back when i drank are the same people that put me down now oddly. And i'm the fool who will fall for it too if i'm not careful!

I get your post tho totally understand that. I wish more people woulda said "hey sober up its gonna be hard your gonna have to do it one day at a time but i'm gonna be there for you etc.." I think that would have been a truer statement rather then painting some rosey picture of 5 years down the road.

miamifella

Yes to both.

And I guess I am judgmental in that I think that the program ought to provide more guidance on quitting. I understand that meetings are there to motivate people, but sometimes it takes more than handing someone a book and telling them that people in recovery have great lives to show them how to stop.

The program may be great for staying stopped---but there ought to be a way to help people to stop in the first place! I think that there is a bit too much mystery in the program and that people ought to be able to ask questions about how to quit drinking and drugging. Telling people to pray before they have any concept of a higher power, does not always work.

In my judgmental judgement this is a real shortcoming. And I think it is why so many people feel unwelcome and/or confused.

zjw

I dunno miamifella I think the desire to quit has to be stronger then the desire to drink from there all the help aa to offer is there.

I'm not sure how they can fuel that desire to quit more then they do tho.

Its hard tho I could have easily also said hey look at that guy at AA he quit he's still on parole he's still got an ankle bracelet cant see his kids etc... looks like his life still sucks bad WTF would i wanna quit just to have to face all of that sober? I could see myself doing that too.

I dunno someone coulda talked all the sense in the world into me and an hour later it coulda been out the window and i coulda had a drink in my hand again. Its hard for me to but too much blame on everyone else when I know i was such a stinking mess that it might nto have mattered what anyone else did to help me or not.

miamifella

If all it took for an alcoholic to stop drinking was the desire, then many more would stop. And I understand that sharing about all the positive stuff is supposed to increase that desire, but honestly I think that desire without some basic how-to guidance on stopping is not enough.

When someone is alone late at night and gets hit with an urge to drink or use, they need to have some idea about what they can do to make sure that they do not give in. Telling them to pray is not enough!

I know that according to the first step we cannot do anything to help each other stop, but I guess I am suggesting that there are techniques and tools that can be used by the alcoholic/addict who has not yet found a higher power. That is what I think the program should be sharing.

zjw

Yeah I see what your saying For me tho my amt of desire to quit had to be more then my amt of desire to drink. and even then!!

I guess yoru thinking like they should explain more about how the cravings can pass and try to find a way to take your mind off of the urge to drink etc..?


I know life can be hard sometimes IE life throws a tough one at you and they might say drinking isnt the answer. And they are right but in that moment tho when you feel at your worst I'm not sure how you say no to drinking myself. I have almost 5 years sober and thankfully have yet to have to face a situation that bad yet. But it is one that worries me. IE how will i get through it sober if this happens ro that happens I dunno. Someone once told me I'd just rise above it. Maybe so I dunno.