Bartending as a Recovering Alcoholic
 

Well, I made it all the way through day 2 of being sober - after a night of bartending. I can't believe I did it. I get offered drinks and shots by customers sometimes, and I was lucky I was only offered one last night, but I turned it down!

I realize it's not the best job choice for me at this point, but I've been doing it for a long time now, and I'm very attached to my bosses. They're all amazing and I really don't want to screw them over. Besides that, I'm moving overseas in four months. I need all the money I can get. I live in a very small town with very limited job options, and bartending is the best money I can make.

In 45 minutes, I'm off to the other bar I work at. I think it'll be a little more difficult, but I've always liked a challenge. Getting through last night really showed me that I can do it.

To make it easier to help me turn down drinks without getting questions or weird looks (at both bars I work at, it's sort of expected that the bartender drinks), does anyone have any good excuses I can make up to say no? I'd really rather not go into the whole, "Well, I'm an alcoholic and completely lack self control...," thing.

Thank you to everyone here for being so welcoming and helpful!

-Sara

"No" is a complete sentence.

I wouldn't want your challenge. I was advised when I came here to avoid persons, places, and things that were alcohol and drinking related. And I heeded that advice. Getting sober meant a complete change to my old life and adopting a life that supported my decision to quit drinking. So no bars, cookouts, concerts, parties, gallery openings, sporting events, etc. At least until I got enough sober time under my belt.

I still don't go to most of those events. Not because I'm afraid of drinking. But my life had moved on and alcohol-centric activities no longer interest me.

Good luck with staying sober.

How about, "No, I'm on the clock at work". ;)

Haha, on the clock means nothing to these people. It'll be a "Since when has that stopped you?" Good thought, though!

"since today."

I understand your diffuculty.... fellow bartender here at 3 months without a drink. It does present its own set of challenges. I am lucky that my current establishment doesnt encourage drinking behind the bar... but I have worked at spots that do...so I understand. a few ideas that come to mind is say you are on antibiotics or trying a new health kick... like a sugar detox or cleanse of some sort... I used that for the first month when people would ask if I wanted to meet up for a drink. Or just say you are taking a break... giving thev liver a rest or something... come up with a good self deprecating joke. Its hard because you dont want to make your customers uncomfortable drinking, but they might be used to drinking with you. I used to know a bartender too who kept iced tea in a jameson bottle and would pour herself a shot of iced tea from the bottle when customers wanted to do a shot... looked like jameson to them and nobody ever was the wiser.

How about saying you're saving money for a big move and would rather have the money as a tip? If that's acceptable where you're from.

Just say no thanks. Most of the people you'll be dealing with will be drunk anyway so logic doesn't apply. The only one that obsesses about what other people think of their drinking ( or not drinking ) is us. Most other people really don't care one way or the other.

Granted you are throwing yourself fight back into the fire hanging out in a bar...remember that there is really only one reason people come there. It will be difficult.

That's going to be hard, and it will present daily opportunities to drink. No other employment alternatives?
If you were to go and do that job, I would imagine that at a minimum A.A. and a sponsor would be a must. If you're looking at week after week in direct contact with alcohol- early in sobriety- you will need a ton of support.

I just wanted to add some encouragement that you can do this!!! I live in a tourist town where bartending is actually a sought-after job. My AA meetings are filled with people in the food and beverage industry.... chefs, servers, and bartenders. But there are people who still bartend where I live with 20 plus years of sobriety. It can be done!!! Like I said in a previous post... it has its own set of challenges, but it is not impossible. Another thing I did in the first month was let one of my coworkers I really trusted know that I was trying to quit, so there was accountability and also someone I could vent to when needed. Good luck... you got this!!! 💗

This

Former bartender here! I get that "no thanks" doesn't really cut it, especially with your regulars, who tend to be relentless about getting their favorite bartender to have a shot.

I would try the antibiotic or the cleanse excuse.

I know lots of people here believe it is better to honest about it but sometimes ya' gotta do what ya' gotta do.

Stick to your guns, whatever you decide :scoregood

If you really do feel you need an excuse, I'd go with the medication excuse. Its pretty solid.

Thanks for all the support!

Unfortunately, many of those who buy me drinks aren't all that drunk, so a "No, thanks," will lead to a "Why?" I don't want to lie, but my priority right now is not drinking, and I'm not out to hurt anyone with my lie.

I made it through another night of bartending without a drink! I have completed day three.

Thanks again!

Good job sdi!!! It gets easier as time goes on. Soon you will find that you can make it through whole weeks without a drink and you will be o.k.! The biggest trap I find myself in these days is romanticizing a drink... I see all these other people im serving having a drink and I think... why cant I do the same? It looks so nice. Then I stop myself and play the tape through. I imagine how one drink turns into a whole bottle (it always does), the possibility of blacking out, the guilt and shame, and the hangover and starting all over again. Just a few days ago one of my coworkers came in late, looking awful, complaining of her hangover and I was secretly elated at never having to feel that way again. The thought of a drink at that moment actually turned my stomach. Keep up the good work. 👏

Thank you. :) That's what I'm trying to remind myself. I get horrendous hangovers (vomiting the entire next day, dizziness, zero focus), so that's one of the biggest negatives for me. It almost helps seeing super drunk people doing embarrassing things, too. It's a good reminder for me to avoid those slapping my forehead moments when I wake up and I'm told what I did.

Onto day 4 now!

I'd say I'm taking a medication that severely interacts with alcohol. No further explanantion needed. Honestly it's no one's business why you're not drinking. Also, observe drunk people's bad behavior and ask yourself if you want to act like that. Ir's eye opening to be around a bunch of drunks when sober.

Keep at it! You can do it. Where are you moving?