HealthyK

Hi everyone,
I'm back again and struggling with alcohol. I had about 1.5 years sober and after some major life changes, I thought I could handle drinking socially. And of course, I was wrong. I don't drink often but when I do, I definitely don't stop.

I'm feeling pretty bad right now, after last night with a bad hangover and a little let down by myself. I drink mostly due to social anxiety and depression, both of which I'm addressing. I know I can do this again, but I just feel a little resentful of the fact that I can't just go out and have a beer and that I have no control over it.

I know I'll be okay tomorrow and feel better. The hangover depression will pass, I'll feel physically better but I'm just really worried I won't be able to quit totally. I know I've done it before and I was extremely proud of myself, but I don't know why it's such a struggle this time.

Any help or advice would be great. I'm going to try AA again, but meetings really just weren't for me when I tried again. This place was actually the biggest saving grace for me before, so I'm hoping it will help again.

Thanks for listening. Here's hoping I can quit for good this time.

Anna

I use SR for my recovery, too and it's good to see you back HealthyK.

I think that each time we relapse, it is harder to recover. But, you were sober for 1.5 years, so you know you can do it. I hope that you can let go of your resentment about not being able to drink, because that will draw you in. I had to accept that alcohol was never an option, ever, and my mind-set changed.

ALinNS

SR keeps me sober along with other tools in my box but this site is definitely a key, it always seems hard after we relapse, stay on track for a couple of weeks and the desire will keep fading, I am not sure if it ever goes away 100% of the time but it gets easier as you know. From my own experience I can't stop once I have one beer and I always pick up where I left off, even after 30 months of great sobriety once.

HealthyK

This is really my second go-round with recovery. If I'm extremely conscious of it when I go out, I can have one or two beers or glasses of wine and be fine. However, when that happens, I get over-confident and think "Hey, I can totally do this" and then I end up on a binge like last night.

I really do appreciate the kind words

least

Welcome back! The support here has helped me stay sober for over six years. I hope we can do the same for you.

HealthyK

Thank you so much - I really appreciated all the support I received during my first go at sobriety so I'm glad to see that people are still so supportive!!

Gottalife

Hi HealthyK,

glad you are back. Yoy know your experience is the same as countless others. We thought after a period of sobriety that it would be safe to drink again. It's very common, and now you know the answer.

I am glad you are going to try AA again, For me it was the only game in town. But from your comment about meetings, I am thinking you may have been labouring under the misapprehension that the AA meetings are the program.

I am guessing your AA prescription might have been something like "don't drink and go to meetings". I have never seen this prescription bring real recovery to alcholics of my type (hopeless variety). An awful lot leave simply because nothing has changes and they find AA unrewarding.

My suggestion is to try a different prescription.

Find a home group and attend at least one meeting a week, perhaps one or two more if you feel up to it.

Find a sponsor who has had a spiritual awakening as the result of working the steps, and meet with them at least once a week to work through the steps together. Study the first 164 pages of the big book. There are meetings that help with this.

Try a little bit of prayer in the morning to seek guidance for the day ahead. And a little prayer of thanks in the evening.

While at your home group, keep an eye out for the newcomer and do what you can to help them. Even a warm smile of welcome and a cup of coffee can men the world to the new guy. Look for little opportunties to contribute.

And that is about all I did. No meeting marathons, no miles of writing and inventory. Just worked steadily and in quiet way towards building a relationship with the God of my understanding, who has kept me sober ever since, no matter what. And, did I mention? Life has been great. The desire to drink left almost immediately.

All the best.

Dee74

Welcome back

D

Hevyn

Happy to see you back with us, HealthyK.

Of course you can do it this time. We're here to encourage & support you. Congrats on your sober time - we know you can get back on track. You learned something valuable - you can't drink socially. Now you'll be even more determined.

HealthyK

Thanks everyone - this forum and site were extremely supportive and pivotal in my early recovery and yes, I will be using this as a learning experience Thank you again for suggestions and kind words. I felt pretty awful when I logged in earlier and I'm feeling much better now

Soberwolf

Nice to see you Healthy K

Dropsie

HK,

Welcome back -- I know that its hard that it gets harder, but its still so do-able and so much better than the alternative.

I loved Gottalife's post -- I do not go to AA because of language issues where I live, but what he says makes a lot of sense. I also love Freshstart's long post about AVRT that is stickied in the secular section.

For me, its all about losing the resentment that drinking is not an option for me if I want to be happy, and then letting myself want to be happy...

Jackandbess2

Hi healthyK, I am so sorry that you are going through this terrible struggle again. I have been where you are myself and it is a battle. However you will never be alone as you have all of us. We are all in this together and need to hold each other up when we fall. Stay in touch with SR as much as you possibly can and let us hold you up until you can walk this journey again sober and happy. You can do this, have faith!

thomas11

I echo what Anna said, you had a year and half so you know what staying sober entails. May I ask this question, what is the desire to test the waters or wish to be able to drink normally?

Do you feel that the inability to be a normy is a shortcoming?

flavinho

Drinking will only provide you a brief and short happiness, later followed by more sorrows . Unfortunately moderation does not apply for us. Curing depression and anxiety with alcohol is like tossing gas in the fire, it will only get worse. Since I´m atheist, AA never will be a proper choice for me.

Hevyn

Hope you're doing ok today, HealthyK. Thinking of you.

Garden Girl

You and I are in the same boat. Don't give up on yourself!

HealthyK

This has been HUGE for me. Thank you - I'm glad to know I'm not alone with this one.

HealthyK

Thank you! I have been looking into AVRT since it addresses some of the other issues I have and I'm hoping that will help me out as well. The support is very much appreciated

ScottFromWI

You definitely aren't alone...its one of the toughest parts about recovery. I think it's also important to remember that the change happens slowly. You will see steady improvement if you work towards your goal, and if you can journal or keep track it will really add up over time. But there is no "magic moment" so to speak where everything will suddenly become awesome all at once....so patience is a virtue of course!