Dealing with Crisis during early sobriety
 

I decided to post here.

If I want an reason to drink I never have far to go ... there is always something that I will find "not right" about my world. So although there is some mild waffling, I'm pretty straight in the head that drinking is not a real solution to my problems.

That said, we just went through flood number 3 this year, and are expecting worse weather tonight. We finally have the City agreeing to come out during the next flood to determine their part in this. I've done all I can with retaining walls, gutters, higher window wells, etc. but the flood on Sunday took out not only my basement, but 3 others in our neiborhood (not took out ... just 3 or 4 inches deep inside). But it will take one more flood to get them to improve the drainage problem.

I am pretty confident that I won't drink during the next week or so as we deal with the reality of this situation (there was a time I wouldn't have been able to honestly say that). It is more about once the "get through it" phase is over .... Then there is for me a tendency to completely crash into the grieving of loss, the tiredness of the dealing, the emotions of fear that you have to put off during the crisis in order to deal .... it all comes in in a flood.

I think I'll be ok, but I'm not sure. And I don't think I can check back the next few days cause I MUST go to work today and tomarrow and every other day this week, and the next storm is to hit tonight and I will be in clean up mode if it does hit as expected... I'll be ok, but may be desperate after the immediate must do's end and I get into the area of actually experiencing the pain of what is going on.

I made a choice to live here. I will loose a lot if I decide to leave (financially). But most of all ... the place I live is the place I wanted all my life and the biggest thing I hold on to when things are bad. I don't know what I'll do if I have to move. But I really can't afford to look at that right now. Right now I have to stay sober so I can walk through doing what has to be done to prevent as much damage as possible to my house and then I can start looking at the long term requirement in order to keep on going.

Drinking will never help with any of these things, but I have to post here and keep talking to people about this because even though I know that ... when I am scared and hurt and full of fear I can make a decision in a heart beat that can really cause either months of harm or perhaps kill me.

I guess I think that is sorta the definition of an alcoholic for me ... Despite all evidence to the contrary, sometimes a drink seems like the only way or even a good idea. We can all help each other remember our other options.

:tyou

I really hope things will not be as bad as you fear Nands - but I'm pleased you're making contingencies now, just in case they are :hug:

D.

My thoughts are with you for a safe passage through this trying time. Sounds like you are doing as much as you can to prepare...and being sober is a tremendous asset to have. Glad to hear you realize that as well!

I ditto what Dee said and I'm hoping for things to go better than expected. I hope you have a chance for some respite throughout it to take care of yourself :hug:

Really hope there is a light at end of the tunnel x you always have us

Nands, I'm sending good thoughts your way that things won't be too bad in your area, and if they are, you can cope with it. You can! And, you know that drinking will worsen the situation. You can do this!

I realize this doesn't seem, on it's face, as sobriety related... but it is for me cause I tend to fall when things get bad and I'm determined to let this stuff out without failing at sobriety.

Basically, at about 3pm the rain started and I started to freak out. I was debating going home cause I couldn't really do any work in the fear I was in. Then the sirens went off (tornado warning) ... I went to the basement at work with everyone. I fell apart. In front of my department's grad students and faculty.

phones were not working and I got cut off from my son and mom. But I got it together enough to get back to the house.

The city was there sandbagging the area and trying to keep the water from getting in our houses. They didn't ever do that when I lost half my house! But that's ok ... now they are trying to do something.

It's complicated, but this has been so hard. I'm still scared cause there will be more weather later tonight all the way through the next 6 hours. There are lots of logistics to work through and I can't focus on my feelings right now, but what I am really afraid of is facing how absolutely afraid I am. And I will have to look at that cause it will hit me after we get through the initial stuff.

Ok ... I'm outa here to keep working on the preventive measures available to try and save our home :) Sorry to be dramatic but it is real.

It was rough reading about your water flooding situation I'm glad that you are staying strong in your sobriety through all this and may God bless you all there Bob from California

Sending you lots of LOVE and HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think things like this are intrinsically related to pour recovery Nands. Still hoping for a good outcome for you, your neighbours and family:)

D

I'm continuing to send prayers and good thoughts your way, Nands.

Thank you to all of you!

I ended up having to call in and miss work today due to my total inability to focus and some physical issues related to stress (thank god not due to drinking!). I have thrown up a few times and had some diarrhea (sorry to be so honest), and my essential tremors are really bad right now. That is just stress related, but I need to do some things to take care of myself today and to resolve some issues that are at hand both with the house and with my mental health.

Some are real basics .. meet with the city engineer, fix the one down spout that didn't function properly, re-set up the fence that we had to take down due to drainage issues so the dogs can go out, etc.

Others are about long term care of my mental health ... reach out to my counselor, reach out to friends, stop holding it all in, without caving in to total emotional chaos. most of all ... DON'T DRINK! not today, not now!

I feel like I'm over reacting, but then ... others tell me I'm not... I guess it doesn't really matter (LOL) It is what it is!

Thank you all for just caring.

Sometimes we need time to just take care of ourselves. I deal with anxiety too and it's pretty crazy how much it can manifest itself as physical symptoms. I have just started dealing with my mental health seriously at middle age, and I find that counseling, reading, meditation, mindfulness, exercise all help keep it at bay. I'm also trying to learn to accept that I am simply an anxious person too and that while I can certainly lessen the symptoms, my brain is just "wired" that way.

Sounds like you are reaching out to all the right people - best of luck and hope you can follow through with all of them.

You hit the nail on the head in your last post.

Just don't drink today.

You don't have to map out your sobriety for next week.

I hope you stay dry.

I worry about flooding and roof leaks, too.

(((Ananda))) I really feel for your situation all the way around, both the flooding and your mental health.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers :grouphug:

I have your mom's quote copied into my journal, it resonates with me every single time I read it :tyou

Sounds like it's definitely time to take care of yourself when I first got sober this last time around I truly couldn't do much for quite a while but it all gets better if we don't drink Bob

I'm using this a bit as a diary to help me get through the next few days.

After talking to the Mayor and the City Manager .... They are trying to say it is MY FAULT ..... apparently my property line is past the back fence and includes a storm drain .... the drain was put in by a "private party" (what they said). That drain is actually functioning and the problem is with the city system .... but now it's all a mess. I have to go to a lawyer because if I don't, my neighbors could sue me!

They are just trying to defend themselves, and I get that. So ... I'll do what I can. I have a plan in place (including my mom babysitting me for the weekend) to make sure I am "safe" from drinking.

Although it is NOT an excuse to drink ( and I did last year), the flood issues have been difficult and I need to find new ways to manage instead of drinking. I'm trying to stay connected with SR and with my councelor and with some old AA friends who are willing to hang out with a "non-aaer".

I will get through this no matter what! I will also take the steps I need to to say to the world (ok ... lol ... just the city) that I do matter and that sometimes it is someone else that needs to take responsibility!

If that sounds to harsh ... sorry. Bottom line is if the effort to get this taken care of in a fair manner puts me in danger of drinking, I'll drop it. I kinda think right now that dropping it is the sort of mistake that has led to excuses to drink in the past .... I'm hopeful pursuing this will build some resolve for me on the sobriety thing. But I TOTALLY will drop it all if I or those I trust tell me I am getting myself into drinking mode.

I'm going to make it! I will not drink and I will carry through on what I need to do to take care of what is going on :tyou

It's a great idea to reach out for supports during a crisis. It is always something we are unprepared for, or else it wouldn't be a crisis. I can tell you are treading lightly and being mindful of the situation. The issue has not come to stay, but to pass. With that in mind, each step you can that is in your control only empowers you. Best of luck with this issue, hopefully your supports will be as strong as you are.

I don't think it's too harsh to stand up to a city that's, essentially, trying to intimidate you, Nands :)

D

OK ... I talked to the city manager again and They are more sympathetic than I thought. The representatives of the city are tied up a bit because of legal issues, but the city manager and the mayor are encouraging me to file a claim and are working with me on an "easement" plan to let them take responsibility for the drain behind my yard. It's a bit complicated, but I think they are working with me.

I'm thinking about the issue I've had with my trauma group. It's about "being safe". I just don't think that is the way to go. Take care, but if all you do is "stay safe" you miss most of the opportunities that you have.

I'm holding off on the lawyer thing and submitting a claim and working with the city manager on creating an easement so they can take over the storm drain in my "back yard".

Side note: my mom thought she had a panic attack after the flood on Sunday, but I was worried cause she insisted on helping with the flood stuff and she is 87. It ends up she had a "small heart attack". She is ok, but I told her she simply cannot do the physical activity that she wants to do to help me. (yes I feel guilty). The good thing is we had an honest discussion about this. I tried to get her to not come down to help with the clean up, but she just wouldn't listen. Now she is realizing that we have to draw a line about what she can physically do. She can provide emotional support, but she simply cannot be trying to move furniture and boxes and mop up huge amounts of water!

I'm actually feeling a bit positive right now about the direction things are going. Even if it took a year or two to get here.... my son, my mom, me ... we are moving toward a new future.

If this is a house of cards that collapses in the next few days I'll be crying, but right now I choose to believe!