Dealing with Crisis during early sobriety
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Hanging by my finger nails
I'm not sure I'm going to make it .... which my councilor (rightly) points out is giving myself permission to drink!
I have to find a way to hang on. And I know it is my fault that I get so freaked.
I will not drink, I will not drink, I will not drink ..... but jeez ... I'm afraid I will....
As an alcoholic anything is a reason to drink ... good or bad. I've gone very negative the last 2 days! I can't see past it! I know I need to follow a better path, but I just feel so overwhelmed.
OK ... remember this is something I can turn into an excuse and I don't want that ... but I also don't want to have everyone tell me it doesn't matter what is going on and I'm full of crap .... if that makes since (ok it's not suppose to matter compared to sobriety....)
I finally heard back from the cardiologist that I have a "consistently erratic heart beat". It's in the upper two chambers so I'm looking at the possibility of stroke not a heart attack. The dr. was not going to change anything ... but I decided that wasn't ok and have arranged to meet with him Tuesday.
So for 24 hours I've waffled between sleeping and being angry (which is a lot about being scared).
I am determined, but I have opened a door to drinking that I don't want to leave open. If you call it self pity or something about it being me .... I'll just shut down. If you can be companionate but firm it might help.
Trying to "self sooth" ... ok things are hard, others may have it harder or less hard .... it doesn't matter ... I need to face what is ahead of me (sorry to be dramatic).
I love my house. I love my dogs. I love my son. I respect my workplace enough to not want to let them down. That means don't drink (ok bit of a sob...).
Just re-read this before posting and feel a bit better. Yes! I am panicing! but drinking will only make the path harder. I'm pretty upset about the path I'm on, but drinking will only hurt me worse. That actually makes me take a deep breath and I think makes me feel a bit better. But there are a lot of hours to go and a lot of small decisions that can create chaos and pain. I'm going to stay on track (talking to myself a lot right now...).
Crap /// I'm at work so I'll have to check in later!
I have to find a way to hang on. And I know it is my fault that I get so freaked.
I will not drink, I will not drink, I will not drink ..... but jeez ... I'm afraid I will....
As an alcoholic anything is a reason to drink ... good or bad. I've gone very negative the last 2 days! I can't see past it! I know I need to follow a better path, but I just feel so overwhelmed.
OK ... remember this is something I can turn into an excuse and I don't want that ... but I also don't want to have everyone tell me it doesn't matter what is going on and I'm full of crap .... if that makes since (ok it's not suppose to matter compared to sobriety....)
I finally heard back from the cardiologist that I have a "consistently erratic heart beat". It's in the upper two chambers so I'm looking at the possibility of stroke not a heart attack. The dr. was not going to change anything ... but I decided that wasn't ok and have arranged to meet with him Tuesday.
So for 24 hours I've waffled between sleeping and being angry (which is a lot about being scared).
I am determined, but I have opened a door to drinking that I don't want to leave open. If you call it self pity or something about it being me .... I'll just shut down. If you can be companionate but firm it might help.
Trying to "self sooth" ... ok things are hard, others may have it harder or less hard .... it doesn't matter ... I need to face what is ahead of me (sorry to be dramatic).
I love my house. I love my dogs. I love my son. I respect my workplace enough to not want to let them down. That means don't drink (ok bit of a sob...).
Just re-read this before posting and feel a bit better. Yes! I am panicing! but drinking will only make the path harder. I'm pretty upset about the path I'm on, but drinking will only hurt me worse. That actually makes me take a deep breath and I think makes me feel a bit better. But there are a lot of hours to go and a lot of small decisions that can create chaos and pain. I'm going to stay on track (talking to myself a lot right now...).
Crap /// I'm at work so I'll have to check in later!
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