I remember a lot of kinky unmoral nights spent back then
 

We will not forget the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

I remember doing a lot of wrenched things
back in the late nights of my drinking and using.

Many, many times getting stoned and drunk late into the evening
running across town at around 11 PM to pick something up
getting home and hitting the bottle and everything else hard
sometimes going back to the other side of town again at around 1-2AM
so as to get some more of that stuff and continue with the head banging
then worrying about getting to work at 6:30 AM
pounding down some more hard liquor till around 3 AM
so as to try and come back to reality
oh - yes - that worked just fine
it's amazing that I have a retirement check coming in today.

Later on I will share a little more
regarding some of the sick unmoral things that I did
while running a muck with the liquid devil late into the night.

Anyone else care to share ?

Have a nice sober day,
Bob

I had some nights like this too xo

I too am amazed at how I'm still here sometimes....I've had just about every wild night you could imagine......looking back at my pattern of drinking...the destructive behavior changes through the years, but it's always there.....initially it was finding myself in "what happened?" situations with dudes....wondering if I had cheated....then it was driving drunk ALL the time...now it's been releasing rage in the form of text message......i'm just glad I'm seeing it as a pattern of destructive behavior....and the common denominator is alcohol per usual. Changing one thing can fix so much in your life!

Yes, plenty of nights that I would rather forget but I never will. I don't think sharing the details would be appropriate though, the memories are bad enough to keep me grounded.

Very few, if any among us, haven't done things while drunk that they wish they could take back. Me included.

I'm going to be honest, Bob. The occasional "tell us how bad it got for you" threads yield plenty of response, often with lots of detail. And for the life of me, I cannot see what purpose they serve.

The threads take on a life of their own -- sort of a "well, if you think *that* was bad, let me tell you about me" confessionals. They almost seem competitive.

Building "kinky" and "amoral" into an invitation to share strikes me as a little icky.

As Scott said, sharing among ourselves what has helped us achieve sobriety and how that fits into our aspirations for positive futures frankly strikes me as much healthier.

Being totally intoxicated at 3am and sling it into work at 7am?? How is that possible? Don't people smell the booze a mile away in an office?

Sorry... This coming from a non-alchy

oh they smell it..............and see it in your eyes, face etc

I'm just glad to be free of it and lucky to have made it out alive.

Focusing on the present is the best I've got at this point :)

I tend to agree. I know some alcoholics wear their past drinking escapades on their sleeve and want to be defined by them. I know one in particular, whatever you did, they can one up you. I'm not sure this is beneficial to recovery. Being the "worst" alcoholic in the room just serves to feed to ego and may cause a newcomer to think they are "not that bad". It's dangerous.

On the other hand, rehashing how we were can also serve as a reminder of what we don't want to go back to. Then it can be beneficial. I also think that was Mountain Bob's intention with the OP.

Kind of like hearing one too many drunk a logs in an AA meeting.
I do understand where you are coming from.

For me the purpose that they occasionally serve is
to remember what I wish to never forget.

As mentioned above:
We will not forget the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
True, does not mean that we need to go overboard in our sharing.

65 years old now.
I remember back when I was in my twenties
and took it all -- way to far one night
my heart was jumping out of my chest and I thought I would die
went to Kaiser Emergency Ward at around midnight
the doctor looked sad as he told me
"if you don't' stop doing what you are doing you are going to die"
this impressed me much and I assured him that I would stop
as soon as I got home I went right back to what I had been doing.

True -- the stories of addiction are not pretty ones.

Very grateful to be alive today with 8 years of sobriety.

Bob

Worked outdoors away from most people in the Parks Dept.
Most of my supervisors were also drunks.
Made it all too easy for me.

MB

I read these kind of things until I'm cross eyed when I'm dealing with really bad guilt and regret....it just helps me forgive myself because when I hear these stories, I don't judge at all....which helps me view myself with less judgement. It also helps me remember why it will never be okay for me to drink...ever....and it will ALWAYS be more than okay for me not to!

I sure was a drunk as a young man and I traveled in low circles to say the least.

It's a funny thing how hanging out in taverns and dive bars all the time didn't result in a healthy self-esteem.

I felt as bad as I knew I truly was.

I'll leave my details alone to protect the innocent and the guilty but what I remember was that feeling that I could stay up all night. The booze was going down easy...

Back in the really bad old days there was sexual permissiveness, soft drugs, alcohol, selfishness, greed, stupidity, vanity, and other negatives in abundance....I like to think I have made some progress with God as I understand the concept, and try and allow such work for me,

Nicely said.
MB

It took me a long, long time to start admitting to myself in written words all the horrible things I had done while I was drinking. In my journal they shall stay until I do a step 5 with a good sponsor... and beyond that a therapist. Enough people knew me during those times or were a part of my tornado path of destruction and I'm having to display my behavior on paper for court as well.

It doesn't bother me one bit reading what others have done. It doesn't give me much comfort either.
We are not a glum lot tho.... sometimes we have to find some humor and light in some of it. Otherwise we are drenched in shame and secrecy which is the cloak of addictions.
No real point to this reply... other than every day that I have or do use no matter what it is I just don't understand the point of things like cigarettes, alcohol, gbling to name a few. ... such detriments to society. Brings many a good person to their knees. Or lower.

Me too, I really appreciate these threads when I'm feeling like a scum bag xo
Helps to not feel alone

I understand if people don't want to dredge up horrible memories of the past....I truly do. Things like this help me remember that as we look around us....things aren't always what they seem...(for the most part) people only let us see what they want us to see. So when people share some regrets....it kind of makes things more realistic.... so we all got some **** from the past.
It's so easy to think we got it worse than everyone else....but really we have no idea what people are going through or have done in their past...we are all only human.

One Time.......!

LOL, Oh, it is so good to be sober!