Mountainmanbob

I'm just not sure if that is a good excuse?
Mountainman

bigsombrero

I've checked all the boxes off on the list of "Things A Human Should Not Do" and added a few write-ins as well. The most surprising part of it all? These terrible things I did, well they did not seem so terrible at the time. It was regular life for me. A big part of getting sober for me was that I knew I was a better person than this. I wanted to be my real self and take off the villain's mask.

I was scared to see how the world would treat the "regular me", but it turns out I had nothing to be afraid of. Being a kind, responsible, and trustworthy dude is actually a pretty nice way to go through life!

Mountainmanbob

For most making good if not better discisions just seemed to come along with being sober. It's about what I do or don't do today. Many of the things that I did while drinking I would not do today.

Mountainman

esinger

The negative actions of my past have no place in my present nor do I wish to bring them with me into the future. That being said, I do use the experience to try to not repeat the dysfunctions of my past. I would rather not glorify my selfish, bad, past behavior. I try to only bring it up if I feel it is necessary to help a someone one see they're walking a thin line.
My past might have made me who I am but it doesn't define me.

Carlotta

I almost wish I had had some kinky immoral nights, that sounds like fun
Unfortunately, my drinking nights were a dark pit of isolation and suicidal despair.

Time2Rise

My memories of alcohol and drug fueled immoral behavior are a part of me, but I don't dwell on them. I like to think that by recognising that behavior as beneath me, I'm using those awful experiences and memories to become a better man. The truth is that without alcohol or drugs, I never would have behaved that way. Still, I am ultimately responsible for my actions.

I have no issue with others rehashing the past, but I don't care to do it on a thread that will probably end up being an exercise in one upmanship. I prefer to live in the present.

I can't change my past, but I can work to create a better and more righteous future.

Mountainmanbob

I should have put more time and effort into the title of the thread.

Maybe
Late nights wasted drinking
but, that was then and this is now

Kind of long
but, it would have been better.

Forgive me my
sober brothers and sisters.

Bob

ALinNS

Personally have no idea how or why I am still on this side of the grass as I too have done some really stupid things when drinking, especially drinking and driving. A few times in the winter if we had a snow storm I would take the tractor to the beer store, half hour trip, fill the bucket with beer, a few trips I do not remember but where I lived everyone seemed to know everyone, pretty embarrassing when sober to hear from someone, hey Andrew saw you going with your tractor and a bucket of beer in the storm.....no memory whatsoever and that to me is scary

wildchild69

not trying to make excuses.... we are all responsible for what we do.....
but a mistake is a mistake is a mistake.... we can't say one's worse than another...
not to get off topic...
what I mean is being perfect isn't what makes us human....our flaws are what makes us human.
If we weren't through and towards SOMETHING, are we even alive?

Time2Rise

The quote above is from AA's Big Book, and as such it appears to be part of AA doctrine (actually it's "we will not regret the past . . ."). Since many (most?) people in recovery don't follow AA doctrine, they may not agree with that viewpoint. However, your post implies that all of us agree with the AA quote you used in your original post.

IMO, there's nothing wrong with forgetting the past or shutting the door on it. No one can change the past, so I see nothing wrong with leaving the past in the past. Torturing oneself with painful memories doesn't seem very healthy or productive IMO.

Do you (and does AA) believe it is important to continuously dredge up painful memories of one's drinking past? Your post suggests that you do feel it's important or that doing so does offers some utility. If so, why is it important? Does the Big Book or AA literature explicitly express a need to keep rehashing the past? If so, can you please point out where?

Thank you.

pandblvr

My sponsor kind of drilled it into me that the one appropriate time to share a drunkalog/drugalog is when you are working one alcoholic to another, to show common peril and similar situations. So they can relate and connect to you and see that there is a solution.

I cringe at times thinking about my past activities when impaired. But my 4th, 5th, and 6th stepwork has helped me resolve these memories that cause me disgust, self-pity, shame, guilt and bewilderment.

Watch someone's feet in the program to see the actions they take, not the words that they spew.

Time2Rise

Your sponsor appears to be wise and sensible pandblvr.

Mountainmanbob

Wasn't on my mind when I started the thread.
Actually many if not most of my terrible deeds done on those nights
I would never share in a public forum.

I think those that know me
understand that most of my threads started
are only put out there for "food for sober thought"

I have noticed this sober time around that
the more that I cuss and discuss sobriety issues
seems to keep me fresh and supports my sobriety.

A nice sober day wished for all,
Mountainmanbob

mm222

Mountainbob these kinds of posts are very helpful for me. I get that some others feel differently, but I know there are plenty of us that feel as I do. I NEED to remember the ugliest parts, the most shameful, horrible nights/consequences-that's vitally important for MY sobriety. I have a real problem with time softening the edges and making the past seem much rosier than it was.

FLCamper

It interesting to read all of the opinions on this topic. Oddly, no one really shared any incidents from their past..
Thanks for the thread MMBob.

SoberCAH

Upon sober reflection, the way I used to behave is much more embarrassing than how much I drank and used and the war stories (jail, emergency rooms, missed exams, pathetic grades, etc.) which resulted from that behavior.

thomas11

I too fall into this category. The posts about blackouts and drunken disasters are all the reminders I need to resist the urges if they should come.

Mountainmanbob

You remind me of me. For so many times in my past when I had periods of sobriety I either forgot how bad it was when I was out there running a muck or fooled myself one more time into thinking that I could drink again and things would be different this time. Proven to me -- a fool is one who fools themself.

You know many threads I do not participate in because they just don't ring my bell. I'm surprised how many people will chime in on a thread such as this one just to state that they don't care for the thread and it's not for them.

Interesting -- I guess ?

If I may in regards to the Bible.
Paul who wrote much of the New Testament never forgot
and shared often about the wrechard sinner that (he had been).

It appears that Paul wished not to forget his past.

Remembering my past helps me to remain sober today.

A nice sober day wished for all,
M-Bob

Mountainmanbob

Thought that I would give the thread some time.

Many years ago I had a sweet young married couple renting a cute little house next to my house in the country. I would get drunk most every night and play my drums very loud and late into the night. I knew that they would not complain because I was their landlord. Kind of had them trapped as hostages.

As an older man I should have been setting a good moral example for these innocent ones instead of acting like a (noisy) drunken fool.

Many, many years later now and I still remember and regret these things done.

Mountainmanbob

Time2Rise

Unfortunately, bad memories never kept me from drinking again. In my warped thinking, I always felt that "this time will be different", so my past drunken behavior was irrelevant.

Speaking only for myself, I must focus on the positives that come from not drinking. Looking back at the negatives of my drinking offer me no utility whatsoever; however, seeing the clouds lift and the sunshine of sobriety can keep me on the right path.

But we are all built differently, and we are all motivated in different ways. IMO, that's why it's important to understand that recovery methods are not a one-size-fits-all proposition, and never will be.