behindblueyes

I flat out lied this morning. I have been sober for x amount of days. (I don't like to count because then I think I deserve a "reward drink" for so many weeks, but I will say weeks).

Finally, I am away from all the temptations and feeling great and my friend has been nagging to get together with the one alcoholic who pushes me to no end. When I go out with this girl, she makes fun of me for not drinking fast enough. She will not let me leave and screams when I do. Shots are a must. She never drives home sober and never remembers the night before.

Saturday is her birthday party and she wants everyone at her favorite bar. No excuses. I flat out lied and said my distant family is coming in to town for one weekend only.

Now I feel guilty. However, one beer for me put me into near DTs last time so should I feel bad? This is a group of people who are "normal" drinkers plus this girl herself is so far into alcoholism she doesn't even know it. I have hit my bottom and I know it. Explaining DTs and relapse to them is impossible as they would just say "Oh, come but don't drink.". Whatever I have to do to stay sober right? Thanks as always.

2ndhandrose

"whatever I have to do to stay sober, right?"

1000 x 1000 yes!!!!!!!

Whatever you have to do to stay sober is what you need to do

JD

Don't feel guilty. Whatever it takes. Besides, she doesn't sound like a very good friend if she's always pushing you to do something you don't want to do.

wildchild69

Absolutely!! Reschedule with her during the day at a coffee shop....that's what I do sometimes. That way you're not losing social time, but redirecting it to something more manageable. It's okay to avoid temptation...for sure!
Before I decided to get sober, I had planned to go to a winery with my boss...now I'm trying to decide what to say to her. I'll probably cancel altogether for now, then when I'm feeling more strong, meet up with her for lunch and just drink iced tea.

entropy1964

No don't feel guilty. Friends like that are a danger for sure. Maybe at a later point in recovery you'll be able to simply say "I can't make it". If questioned you'll be able to say "I have another commitment". Nough said. But until then, you are saying what you must to protect yourself. I'd call that growth.

doggonecarl

I don't make excuses, I don't lie.

I say no thanks and I don't have to explain myself. If they insist on knowing why, I give the the vague, "I have other plans."

If you feel compelled to tell a fib, for whatever reasons, in order to come up with a justified excuse--that's fine. At least you didn't go. But I hope you gain the strength to look after your own sobriety and understand NO is a complete sentence.

wildchild69

Really...it always feels good to say no....I don't know why the decision to drink has been made so many times by me. Everytime I've not drank when it was offered, it felt really good!!

Mountainmanbob

Has anyone ever lied to get out of heavy drinking events?



I think that I did way back when.


Well, since we put our sobriety first today
if we think that we (must) lie regarding getting out of a heavy drinking event
seems that this would be best.

But, in time sober most all will come to a place
when sharing the truth about our drinking or should we say not drinking
we will share with most anyone and care not what they think.

Good luck -- even though I do not believe in luck,
and most important -- stay sober no matter what,
M-Bob

overforty

"Whatever I have to do to stay sober right?"

Absolutely!
When you're feeling stronger you'll be able to tell her the truth but until then why risk your recovery!?
Sometimes I think it's better to think hard about who your friends really are - and who is good for you and who isn't.
I have had to give up who I though was a really important person in my life because he is a trigger for me.
I'm sad about it - but I think while we are delicate like this it's important to put ourselves first!
x

zjw

when I drank I lied to get out of events that would interfere with my drinking time. I'd prefer to be direct sorry i dont wanna go i'd rather drink instead but boy do you sound like a bad person saying that!.

But now that I"m sober I'd still like to be direct sorry i dont want to be at an event where booze is involved etc.. It doesnt phase me but some events I wont go to. Luckily I have not had to worry about being so direct. But Again I can see how some might also think i'm abad person because I dont wanna go because there will be booze.

Cant win sometimes. cant please eveyrone so sometimes you gotta please yourself.

ScottFromWI

She doesn't sound like a friend to me, she sounds like a drinking buddy. You could have also just said you aren't coming because you don't drink, or even just that you have other plans, but good job for not going.

Bird615

I prefer to be direct and if someone has a problem with me not drinking, I don't want them in my life, but I guess if that's what you feel you need to do to keep sober, then do it. Sobriety needs to come first.

JeffreyAK

Yup, as others point out, we do what we need to do. I've made excuses to dodge less-tempting events in the past, just to avoid having to go into explanations or causing bad feelings that will come back later. Years in, I'd probably tell it like it is, I don't drink anymore and being around drunks annoys me, but we do what we need to do to protect our sobriety.

hopeful4

Maybe you should evaluate who your real friends are.

I would do everything within my power to stay sober.

Great job on your time sober!!!!

MIRecovery

For me the only alcoholics that have a place in my life are the one's that don't drink. Active alcoholic are on a collision course with disaster and I want to be a long ways away when they crash and burn.

Heavy drinkers are part of my old life not part my new

Soberwolf

Seconding Scott's post & good job not drinking

Chewy88

Many times, and didn't give one ****

Now I just tell the truth and don't care what people say or think.

Berrybean

I made the first day of lent my sobriety date in 2014. The landlord of my local pub was also stopping drinking alcohol for lent so I knew no one there would give me grief or he'd be shooting them a look and a sharp comment. I said I was just stopping for lent, but had already decided I wanted it to be for ever. It gave me some time to get a little stronger in my sobriety before everyone started trying to sabotage it or talk me out of it (which my old drinking buddies DID try to do once Lent was over). I later realised my biggest mistake was to think that I could still spend my time hanging around bars and drunk friends and be happy sober. Shame it took so long for me to realise that one.

I also lied about where I was going when I was going to AA in the first month or so.

Now I don't lie. I say if I know a situation will be difficult. My best friends hen night is looming and I've told her that I may not last out the whole evening. I'm organising the 'boring peoples' afternoon event (her words) for family and friends who don't do heavy drinking or can't make the evening event. Yes, she wants me there, but I know that by 9.30pm she won't know whether I'm there or not. She said, what more important? My wedding or you staying sober. I laughed, then told her quite honestly where my priorities are.

Lenina

It takes what it takes. Avoid those venues for drinking. Sobriety is more important. The day will come when you feel safe enough to just say no. If you don't want to hurt feelings, send a card, a batch of balloons or some flowers. Along with your regrets. Can you say "Sorry I am unable to attend". ?

Love from Lenina

Bunny211

Yup. And you don't even need to lie. You can just say you "can't make it." You don't owe anyone an explanation. You have plans. Those plans can be with a pint of ice cream and your netflix. Those are still plans.