bluedog97

I'm 7 weeks sober tomorrow. I find I'm battling a lot of old demons. Some of it's real, present-day conflicts and some of its rehashing stuff from my past. A lot of its worry about the future.

Someone yesterday posted FEAR - Face everything and Recover or **** Everything and Run. That really hit home. In the past I would've gotten drunk.

Anyway, thought I'd put this out there. I've started exercising, writing, AA meetings. I also see a counselor. I got stuck without a sponsor and I wonder if that has something to do with this.

Anyway, this normal? I know everyone might not go through this. I guess I'm asking if I should be worried.

Anna

Yes, for sure, I had lots of old demons to deal with and it was really hard to stand and face all that. I think that was the single hardest part of recovery for me. Your plans of exercising, meetings and seeing a counsellor are all really good. One thing I have tried that helps me is Mindfulness. Basically, it's training yourself to remain in the moment and to simply feel what you feel. If you slip into thinking about the past or the future, you can gently bring yourself back to the moment by being aware of your physical body. If you are interested you can good Jon Kabat-Zinn and Mindfulness.

least

Early recovery can be a bumpy ride. I found my recovery got a lot better when I started practicing gratitude every day. It keeps my focus on the positive and has made such a difference in my life.

Mountainmanbob

Easier said than done - but - something to remember.

If I have one foot in yesterday
and one foot in tomorrow
then I'm pooping on today.

M-Bob

zerothehero

I agree with Anna. You might find this an interesting read: Why Feeding Our Demons Means Loving Ourselves. | elephant journal

zerothehero

Awesome. I love to poo.

tomsteve

YES its normal. i drank to (try and) forget some pretty horrible things done to me and things i did to others. which it never worked.
then i got sober and for the first time in my life, my life-EVERYTHING from my past was there front and center. complete and total terror, bewilderment, disgust, and dispair in me.
but i wasnt stuffing it anymore, i wanted to know why it all effected me so much, and how to change me- how to fix what i could, accept what i couldnt, and actually like myself.
thats where the program of aa came it. it helped me learn how i used to be who i used to be, how to fix what i could, and how to love myself.

im glad to read ya seeking counseling and in aa. imo, a sponsor is very helpful in helping us learn and understand the program,how to work the steps, and how to apply it in our lives.
so, can ya explain what ya mean when ya say ya got stuck without a sponsor?

oh, one other thing:
when i was very fresh to recovery and beating myself up pretty good, a man told me," quit kikin yourself in the arse. youre not a bad man, just a sick man."

bluedog97

tomsteve, I was working the steps with a sponsor and got to the 5th and had sort of a fallout. Not a fight, but I didn't show up and then he dropped me. Anyway, I know eventually I need to do it to move forward. Maybe I'm procrastinating and coming up with every reason I can think of to avoid this. Anyway, thanks for the post.

bluedog97

Great read zero, really makes me rethink things. Instead of fighting them, embrace them. I think I'm going to take a solo trail hike tomorrow and try this.

bluedog97

I took a trail hike this afternoon. Just me, the woods, and the trail. I really got in touch with the demons, everything I hide from the world in civilized society. It was turbulent.

Halfway through I turned around felt more at peace. I was much more calm and relaxed. Everything didn't seem quite so insurmountable. Anyway, my foray into a sort of mindful, meditative trek into nature. I definitely plan to periodically make this a part of my recovery.

madgirl

bluedog - that is such a magical thing about a solo hike. The only thing you can do is put one foot in front of the other - lets you off the hook from everything else, right? So your brain is free to wander.

2ndhandrose

bluedog97, I am happy you found peace on your hike. I love to walk and often find myself in a meditative state without even trying when I go for a wander.

I hope you continue finding peace and enlightenment on your hikes

Berrybean

Just wondering, did the sponsor actually say they'd dropped you or are you presuming? If it's a definite drop are you looking for a new sponsor? I'd suggest that you do so.

In the meantime, hit as many meetings as you can, keep up with the daily work (prayers, meditation, reading,etc.) The AA speaker tapes might also be useful.
5500+ AA Speakers & Tapes - Organized & Mobile-Friendly!
You can search by steps or by theme or keyword. There are loads of good uns in there. Apologies is you already have that site bookmarked.

Gottalife

There's your answer. My demons went as soon as I took the fifth. The fifth step promises came true and I never looked back.

teatreeoil007

As with real spiritual demonic possession, those metaphorical demons can also lay dormant and then resurface and cause a lot of problems...and...they tend to resurface when we are in a weakened state...they love for you to be under the influence of something that alters who you really are...that's when they have a heyday. They love to inhabit drug infested places.

So, what to do? Face them. Takes courage, but they will never leave unless we face them. They can be very tenacious; very strong, so getting rid of them is not easy. We need to be just as tenacious in our desire to have them out of our life. When demons are cast out, they don't just disappear into thin air...they will find someplace else to occupy. But they are far less likely to come back if we don't make ourselves "hospitable" to them.