Alegresempre

I lost everything I had because of consequences of my drink,
I canceled few jobs I got fired, I'm a graduate fashion designer
and a stripper.
I'm a single mother with a amazing caring intelligent son , he got
A full ride to Columbia University in New York for free scholarship,
He is a genius and I'm very proud of him❣,
But MY life is following down, because of this disease I didn't work
for 5 weeks I got Vertigo, I couldn't drive or take cabs very expensive over here, now I'm facing eviction and I have 5 pets 1 dog (11 years old)
and 4 cats in a 2 bedrooms apt in New Jersey.
I'm late in my rent for 2 months, sometimes I go to work and make "some" money a lot of times I don't, because the pressure is so HUGE than like last night I thought I could handle 2 glasses of wine for I can "deal' with the job and bring some $ home.
Well it turn out I drank much more I got to leave after one hour at the
Club AND I DONT REMEMBER HOW I DROVE IN A HIGHWAY BACK HOME!
But I didn't came back home , I stop on the bar on the corner in my street and guess what?
I saw the son of my landlord there, his single and a nice guy BUT I DONT
REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD HIM !
The thing is sad me the most is I know I can't drink anymore I blackout now EVERY TIME I DRINK, is dangerous and I don't want to die, I want to see my son one day get married and I want to get marry myself, if I can
Find a good man.
I need a rehab but I don't have anyone can take care my pets, I'm a big big
Animal lover, I love my pets and I love all the pets in the world, I cry and get sad when I can't bring a homeless cat home when I see on the street, these animals can give you so much love, my pets are going through with me with my stress they can feel it, I have a small backward for my dog pee, but he is been peeing all over the apt, like on the living room and my bedroom.
My son is filling the pressure, I went for few interviews for a customer service job position nobody call me back, I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm alone, feel like nobody cares, I need you guys.
Thank you for reading😢

RDBplus3

Hello Alegresempe,
When ALL else Fails ... When ALL else failed for me - including rehab, and other Sobriety programs ... AA saved my life ... and after years of struggling (face in the asphalt failing) really WORKING the 12 Steps of AA brought about in me a Miracle I could not have done for myself ... and now I am well over 2 years ... Sober, Happy, Joyous and FREE.

My suggestions, based on my experience and long period of struggling:
+ Do a Web Search for Recovery Speaker messages. There are many, and most are free. I suggest especially focusing on Speaker Messages that target the Steps, and progress from Step 1 thru Step 12.
+ Get the book, Alcoholics Anonymous and read it repeatedly, including the intro section, The Doctor's Opinion.
+ Go to local AA meetings. Try a few, over and over, and get a feel of which meetings have people that Share the Solution. Especially ask the 'chair person' of the meeting, and check online, if there are any Book Study meetings.
+ Keep active on the Sober Recovery website.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U can B 2

Alegresempre

Thank you for you replay rdb, I have 'been" on a AA meeting but I do have to take the meetings more seriously, I will take you advice in everything else, I really have to take my life back, thank you😞

entropy1964

I'm so sorry you are so overwhelmed and sad. I have been. There is only one way to begin taking back your life and that is to quit drinking. Period. If you need help detoxing go see your dr or go to the ER. I get the animal situation, I have 2 dogs and 1 cat. But you have to start somewhere. As another poster mentioned, AA is a great place for support and guidance. One day at a time commit to not drinking. Its the only way your situation will improve and not continue to get worse. If you continue drinking it will get worse.

BTW drinking and driving (while in black out no less) is potential suicide and homicide. Pls be careful.

Alegresempre

Thank you Fricksflip for your replay, I have only ONE trigger is not a "bar" or anything else BUT going to "WORK"!
I know for sure the job is way not for me BUT I don't have another one and the bills has to be paid but my pets what I will do I love them they are my family☹️

breath

Good advice, I whole heartedly agree. And, despite some having "issues" with AA it does work, I found that was best done by maintaining ownership of my sobriety, rather than handing it over to AA; that's where the expression "take what you need, and leave the rest". Go to several meetings, learn about the program, use the program, hang out with others, build a support network. DO 90 meetings in 90 days, that is where you'll really find opportunities to stay sober.

And most importantly...become willing and recognize you must be willing to do whatever it takes to be and stay sober, if you can't, you'll drink again.

Give yourself the opportunity to do that..and before you know it thingsbecome better, life gets easier, and better.

And then you'll know anew freedom, a new happiness, that many of us have worked hard to attain; and work hard to maintain.

I recognize Ihave a disease, with no cure. THe best I can do is treatment, and with that I can re-join life and socety and live a life I never imagined when I was drinking.

Alegresempre

Thank you breath for your replay, I will go back to the meetings ❣🌟

Dee74

It's never ever too late to turn things around Alegresempre

I hope the AA helps - you can also check out our Class of April support thread if you like - lots of support there...all you have to do is post:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-3-a-9.html

D

wildchild69

So sorry you're being flooded with such pain and trials right now. Not to sound like a broken record, but we're all here because we know we gotta put down the bottle. I worked in the bar scene for over 10 years....it fueled my binge drinking.... shots during and after work....driving home (more often than not) intoxicated. I get the feeling of wanting to drink to "get through the shift".... that's why I had to say goodbye to working in a bar.
Nothing's unfixable....keep your chin up and keep posting on here. I'm not familiar with AA, but it seems to work miracles for people. Remember that each day is a chance to start over. Always fast forward a few hours from that initial craving to drink....nothing good can com from it. It always feels like we're missing out when we abstain from alcohol while others partake, but in reality.... we're gaining so much more!!!
They may drink "responsibly" and be just fine....or they're going to push the limits and wake up hating life the next day. Either way, we've realized we can't just have a drink or two and be done......so it always ends with the latter. Trust me, we're not missing anything good!!!

doggonecarl

I feel your despair. It may seem impossible to overcome your obstacles, but you can. But it begins with putting down the drink for good. Get sober, stay sober, and find a job that doesn't have to be faced drunk.

Anna

I know that it seems overwhelming right now, but have faith that you can get through this. As others have said stopping drinking is the most important thing right now. Your job is a trigger as you said, so continuing to search for a new job is a good thing to do, too. And, please know that you will always find support here.

Gottalife

Like so many other, AA was the answer for me. I came in minus family, friends, job, money, and a place to live. That was 36 years ago. I have been sober ever since and had an amazing life.

I'll let you in one one little secret though. The solution is not the meetings. The meetings are not the program. What got me well was the time away from the meetings spent working on the steps with my sponsor, and trying to put what I learned into practice in my daily life.The meetings were my chance to give back, and the place I found my sponsor.

Alegresempre

Thank you all for the replays I read every word I start to work on myself to get free of this evil thing.
❤️🌟