StarXI

Hey everyone thanks for responding.
I was at the ER from 8am - 12pm.
They gave me some fluid and some Valium and told me to go find a rehab. Sent home with like 5 5mg Valiums for anxiety. Obviously not enough to detox - which I understand they aren't a detox facility and can't follow up so they don't want to be prescribing that and have someone go home and misuse it.

Went home and at about 7pm but my symptoms got worse so I returned to the ER. They gave me one dose of Ativan and released me - this time I had a fever and lower back pain so they gave me an ultrasound to check for kidney stones.

The social worker came in and said she is at a loss because the system is so hard to get into if you don't have money. The cheapest one she knew of was about 12-14k.

She told me to go to the ER today in my county and ask to talk tot the social worker (even though they aren't supposed to unless you're admitted) but that maybe they would "do me a favor".

Basically I was having serious withdrawal symptoms but since they aren't a detox just an ER they wouldn't keep me - even if my symptoms were progressing to dangerous DTs.

Called my GP who didn't have an appointment until June 26th but I told them I was in the ER last night - so they are getting me an appointment tomorrow at 10am.

Not sure what to say - I mean I hope they can prescribe me enough meds to take at home to detox with until I can find a rehab while I'm not actively detoxing.

I'm just so frustrated.
No wonder poor people who are alcoholics rapidly progress to homelessness - drug abusers and death.

If you don't have money in this world you're ******.

I quit my job due to anxiety/depression and then started drinking. Now the drinking is the major issue and I am struggling to find help with that.

This country is truly messed up when it comes to health care.

It's like we WANT our sick to either be institutionalized, incarcerated or hospitalized - because those are all huge businesses.

Makes me want to get sober and try and help change this in humane system.

Here's praying I can get through tonight without worsening Withdrawal symptoms and be prescribed something - and can find myself a solid rehab.

StarXI

Actually I'm also considering going back to one of the hospitals that kept me for inpatient detox.

This time I progressed to the DTs so I'm worried about being under medicated tonight and going to the doctor tomorrow and doing an at home detox if I've already progressed to DTs.

I think it was strange they released me with all my symptoms - night time hallucinations - agitation - elevated heart rate - sweating - shaking uncontrollably - confusion - fever - skin crawling - not sleeping for 4 days straight...

I'm pretty sure with my history of detox and symptoms DTs is a medical emergency and should be admitted for unplanned detox?

Not given 5 Valiums and sent home.

Andante

I found that as long as I kept trying to blame outside factors such as "the system" for my drunkenness, I stayed drunk.

No amount of "help" in the world could have made me stay sober. I had to truly, from the bottom of my heart, want to be sober more than I wanted to be drunk. I came to realize that sobriety is an "inside job," not something that can be provided by any external source.

While alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous, using the fear of withdrawal complications as an excuse to keep drinking is ultimately just a red herring. In order to stop drinking, first you must stop drinking.

I wish you the best with getting through the withdrawal phase safely -- the fact is, most people do -- but the responsibility for getting sober and staying that way rests solely with you. Not with the ER, not with your GP, not with a rehab, not with "the system." You.

Andante

Forgot to mention...

There's no reason you can't make today your last Day 1.

Why not pull up a chair and a cup of herb tea (rehydrating is important, as I'm sure you know) and join the latest Monthly Class on the Newcomer's Forum?

You'll have the company of other folks who, just like you, are trying to get free of their addiction to alcohol, and reading and posting will help pass the time and take your mind off the discomfort of withdrawal.

thomas11

When was the last time you had any alcohol?

alcoholics wife

I'm in Canada where we have free healthcare. There are government funded inpatient rehab centres and detox. But this doesn't solve much, we still have homeless addicts. An addict needs to be willing to get clean. They would have to physically go to the free GP office and say "hey, I got a problem with addiction and I want medical help and to go to rehab". For many addicts, they never even reach this step. The GP would fill out the necessary paperwork to help get the addict into rehab. Because the government understands that a lot of people try to ride the system eg. Homeless addicts would try to check into rehab during the winter months so they have shelter but once springtime hits, they all check out and back to using. The government wants to see some sort of commitment from the addict so they have a wait list in place on an urgency basis. They want to see that an addict will go to AA meetings, free counselling the government offers etc. before they send them to rehab because let's face it, to keep one person in a 60 day rehab facility is expensive! The government spends about $20,000 per person, and that's coming out of tax payers!

StarXI

Thanks all. I'm at 60 hours sober.

I have NO intention of drinking - and not a craving to do so.
Tomorrow I'll be at the 72 hour mark and hopefully past the danger zone.

I don't put the responsibility of my sobriety on anyone by myself - don't worry.

The problem is that the system here is incredibly frustrating to navigate and without money the help you can get is negligible.

Every social worker I talk to seems lost. Every doctor I talk to tells me something different or wants to prescribe me a different drug. I feel very confused, dismissed and in awe at the conflicting information I'm receiving from each doctor. All telling me that the previous doctors were wrong/had no idea what they were talking about. I don't know who to believe at this point.

I am going to go to AA and see what advice I can find there - plus I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in addition to my regular therapist.

I need to really figure out why I relapsed in the past and why I didn't protect myself from exactly what I knew was hurting me.

Thank you all for posting - it's incredibly helpful to have people to talk to who have experience in this.

Gottalife

That was the baffling bit for me. My memory did not seem to be reliable in this regard. I would wake up, really sick and ashamed, say to myself I am not drinking today, and if you put a lie detector on me at that point, it would register absolutely true. Yet by 6 that evening I would be on my 3rd drink, when suddenly I would remember that I wasn't going to drink that day. The previous nights disaster was gone from my memory, so I would just think, what the hell, now I've started, I might as well enjoy it, which of course I never did. Rinse and repeat as they say.

My problem was a symptom of alcoholism as I have come to understand which has to do with the obsession of the mind. I had no effective mental defence at certain times. I would drink without thought. Personally I believe most relapses for alcoholics of my type, occur just like that, in the most casual way. Wrong question, wrong answer. Would you like a drink? Yeah thanks! All over in seconds without any thought at all.

So the big trick is to find a totally reliable 24/7 defence against this first drink. Some folks try and rely on them selves, an their will power. Some try to rely on others always being there when needed. Do you think you could be available 24/7 just on the off chance someone might need your help? And some work some steps and learn the principles of successful living, and through that find permanent recovery, where drinking or not drinking is just not part of daily life.

I did the latter and it works pretty well. Naturally I tried other things first but they didn't go so well.

All the best.

StarXI

Thanks Gotta,

I think I understand what you mean.

I'm past the 72 hour mark - after the acute withdrawal phase I don't have a problem staying sober... For a few months...

The three times I've relapsed after quitting were in a bar or restaurant setting.

I was a high end bartender for 10 years and going out to eat for me is synonymous with drinking because I had SO many friends in the industry and loved going out to nice restaurants and experiencing the mixology and paired food.

The alcoholism actually happened after I quit my job due to an unknown (at the time) mold illness.

I was home all day in the mold after that and sick as a dog and I used alcohol to cope. It progressed to full on alcoholism after that.

I think for me - learning a completely new way of life - who I "thought I was" needs to happen.

And it can happen. We are not obligated to be the people we were yesterday much less a few years ago.

I don't want to be the hip, cool, respected bartender anymore where I walk into a $50 a plate restaurant and my drinks are comped on the spot - then walk to another high end bar and have shots poured for me by the time I sat down.

It seems glamours - but I assure you there's nothing glamorous about passing out and puking and ending up in the ER. That will strip away your false EGO real quick.

I need to come to terms with the fact that that's not my life anymore - that I've grown up. That I WANT different things for myself.

I want to go back to school. I have more to offer the world than an expertly crafted Manhattan.
That being a bartender SEEMS cool - but being a respected PHD is cooler.

That I want to be a good Aunt to my niece who lives with my currently alcoholic mother and who's parents aren't around.

That I will learn to enjoy the things I thought I had to be drinking to enjoy - sober. Like party's and concerts and beaches.

That what really makes those things special is the human interaction - and that while alcohol is a social lubricant ... It also numbs us from each other and from real experiences. That children don't need alcohol to have fun for a reason. That adults are too hung up on social constructs and pressures to let lose without being sedated.

That one drink isn't worth my life. And that alcoholism is inherently a completely selfish and self loathing affliction. That I don't want to be selfish anymore. That so many doors can open up to me - if only I step back from my inebriated haze long enough to open them .. Before it's too late.

I have way too much to offer the world then to be another casualty.

I can reinvent myself - I can be the sober, healthy, fun, and self confidant woman I want to be. No apologies to anyone who is uncomfortable changing their perception of me.

I can be brave. I can put down the bottle and grab life by the horns.

The hard part is the months down the line when I think "Oh isn't this a nice summers day out on the patio of this restaurant - wouldn't a margarita be fantastic?"

I have to remember that I said that before - multiple times - I thought I could just socially drink again. And every time I ended up back in the ER a few months or years later.

It's about 77 hours sober now.

The acute stage has passed. And now - life begins.

Now it's one day at a time.

Soberwolf

Your doing awesome on 77+hours