New to SR but Sober for most 6 yrs
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by Itchy 
I just posted about not feeling deprived and why here:
I quit drinking and smoking in 2010 too. Welcome to SR, a great place to hang out and not worry because we take each other for who we are today, not what we were, though we will never forget.
I quit drinking and smoking in 2010 too. Welcome to SR, a great place to hang out and not worry because we take each other for who we are today, not what we were, though we will never forget.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by alcoholics wife
I've always been curious of smart recovery. Do you have a preference in teaching methods between AA or Smart?
I don't know all of the topics the host has, but if you Google: smart recovery meeting topics, you can see the topics they have. Check out a Smart meeting if you could, it really is a great and safe place!
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Join Date: Apr 2016
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Originally Posted by tomsteve
i dont think ive ever thought it was unfair i cant drink like others. in fact, ive felt,and still do, very blessed and greatful i know i cant!
today i still dont find it unfair. that would be rather childish and self pitying of me- two things tbat dont do good in my life.
i realized that when i stopped looking for fun things to do where people tend to drink that there are a whole lot of activities where there are people that dont drink.
some of my greatest times,best memories, and best friends have been by volunteering my time to less fortunate. even voljnteering at the local animal shelter. maybe because it helps me get out of myself and my selfish,self centered, self pity and see how fortunate i am.
today i still dont find it unfair. that would be rather childish and self pitying of me- two things tbat dont do good in my life.
i realized that when i stopped looking for fun things to do where people tend to drink that there are a whole lot of activities where there are people that dont drink.
some of my greatest times,best memories, and best friends have been by volunteering my time to less fortunate. even voljnteering at the local animal shelter. maybe because it helps me get out of myself and my selfish,self centered, self pity and see how fortunate i am.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
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Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi sugarplumbunny 
I knew that unless I changed my life - far more than just not drinking - there would always be this hole there that would probably like as not drag me back in one day.
I've worked hard to change - I've learned how to have fun without booze and how to be, if not entirely at ease, ok with social situations sober...I've learned how to deal with emotions, disappointments, fear anger stress or boredom without drinking.
I've learned to love the non drinking me and even be proud of that.
I love my sober life and I like who I am. Drinking again means all that is at risk. It's not an acceptable risk.
how many of the things you used to drink over do you think you've learned to deal with in other ways?
D
I knew that unless I changed my life - far more than just not drinking - there would always be this hole there that would probably like as not drag me back in one day.
I've worked hard to change - I've learned how to have fun without booze and how to be, if not entirely at ease, ok with social situations sober...I've learned how to deal with emotions, disappointments, fear anger stress or boredom without drinking.
I've learned to love the non drinking me and even be proud of that.
I love my sober life and I like who I am. Drinking again means all that is at risk. It's not an acceptable risk.
how many of the things you used to drink over do you think you've learned to deal with in other ways?
D
A lot of things that I do sober now is so much more rewarding, like I could actually remember fun conversations and I could take a relaxing, peaceful drive without feeling like I'm gonna kill someone or myself bc I'm so drunk.
I think it's a matter of continuing to push through my social anxiety without allowing it to restrict my social life. I still haven't re-entered a real bar but I do go to Karaoke without drinking which is tough but I still do it. And I still had fun. I love my sober life more than being an unhappy drink and I have to stop romanticizing so much. Thanks again!
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Join Date: Apr 2016
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Originally Posted by fantail
I definitely relate. It's a hard switch. I like people who drink. I like parties. I like dancing and festivals and staying out too late. And happy hours and etc etc etc. And I like the people who like those things. I also like yoga, and hiking, and meditation, and lectures, so it's not like that was my whole world. But it was certainly a big part of it.
For me the only way that this has become not a constant struggle is getting to the point where I can go out to all of the same events that I used to go to and have fun sober. I mean yes, sometimes people get sloppy and then I get bored and leave. But I no longer have to leave anywhere just because there's alcohol. If it weren't for this, I think I'd go nuts. At least for me, I've found that once I get through the initial temptation, all of those events are just as fun as when I was drinking... actually more so, because I'm just enjoying myself and not obsessing over booze. Plus I remember them the next day, which was not really a given for a while.
If you can, I really recommend trying to keep a "normal" social life, but I don't know how to advise that you get there. I went out after my first sobriety, relapsed hard, lost everything, and basically nearly died, so now I'm pretty clear on what happens with me and alcohol. I really don't recommend that route!
For me the only way that this has become not a constant struggle is getting to the point where I can go out to all of the same events that I used to go to and have fun sober. I mean yes, sometimes people get sloppy and then I get bored and leave. But I no longer have to leave anywhere just because there's alcohol. If it weren't for this, I think I'd go nuts. At least for me, I've found that once I get through the initial temptation, all of those events are just as fun as when I was drinking... actually more so, because I'm just enjoying myself and not obsessing over booze. Plus I remember them the next day, which was not really a given for a while.
If you can, I really recommend trying to keep a "normal" social life, but I don't know how to advise that you get there. I went out after my first sobriety, relapsed hard, lost everything, and basically nearly died, so now I'm pretty clear on what happens with me and alcohol. I really don't recommend that route!
If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been sober? I'm always in awe of people who can attend events or do things when alcohol is involved. They're always in awe of my mostly 6 years of sobriety, but really, I've only postponed my fun for the most part bc of my fear of being environments with alcohol. I really hope to be like you in that regard someday very soon. I'm working on it!! Thank you again!!!
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
I'm a newbie compared to you! I don't even have a year yet, I'm at 9 months. Last time I got to 8 months and then relapsed. So it's hard to know whether I'm doing this right. I just have forced myself through it out of necessity. I'm single, so if I were to stop going to events that have alcohol, I'd be isolating myself pretty heavily. I've met sober people my age through AA, but a lot of them are in different places in their lives with serious relationships and/or kids.
There are certain things I don't do much anymore. I almost never just go to a bar, for example. Anything where the main focus is sitting in a room and drinking, I avoid. But luckily my friends tend to be more activity and drinks people. So I'll go to an event where alcohol is served but there's also music or a lecture, or a party where people are drinking but also playing games, or a camping trip where we hike and then some people have drinks afterwards. I'm also lucky that the social groups I end up in are often balanced, with some people drinking and others not. I recently moved to my current city and I definitely have chosen my friends based on whether they like to do things or just hang out and drink.
My first relapse was definitely fueled by that feeling left out thing, though. I got into the space of "If I can not drink for 8 months, then of course I can drink only at this one party and then not again!". It took a really, really awful 1.5 years of not being able to stop relapsing to really drill it into my head that moderation was not an option. So it's hard to say looking back whether I'd do it the same way. On the one hand, I think isolating myself would possibly have lead to relapse. On the other, being around it definitely did. So maybe I'm just the type that would have had to relapse either way? Or maybe if I'd been more careful and avoided situations like you have, I wouldn't have had to go through that.
There are certain things I don't do much anymore. I almost never just go to a bar, for example. Anything where the main focus is sitting in a room and drinking, I avoid. But luckily my friends tend to be more activity and drinks people. So I'll go to an event where alcohol is served but there's also music or a lecture, or a party where people are drinking but also playing games, or a camping trip where we hike and then some people have drinks afterwards. I'm also lucky that the social groups I end up in are often balanced, with some people drinking and others not. I recently moved to my current city and I definitely have chosen my friends based on whether they like to do things or just hang out and drink.
My first relapse was definitely fueled by that feeling left out thing, though. I got into the space of "If I can not drink for 8 months, then of course I can drink only at this one party and then not again!". It took a really, really awful 1.5 years of not being able to stop relapsing to really drill it into my head that moderation was not an option. So it's hard to say looking back whether I'd do it the same way. On the one hand, I think isolating myself would possibly have lead to relapse. On the other, being around it definitely did. So maybe I'm just the type that would have had to relapse either way? Or maybe if I'd been more careful and avoided situations like you have, I wouldn't have had to go through that.
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Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
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Life isn't fair? That's for umpires and parents to say, and children to believe.
But life can be fun. Drinking gave us a way to solve our boredom by doing something that was not actually doing anything, except pouring money down the toilet after we processed it. And damaging the change machine in time.
You can go do something fun, or all the old nothing things. Take the money you saved and save it, then go skydiving, scuba diving, two of my favorite activities I can't do any more because of spinal issues. It took weeks of training to get PADI certified and we did our open water off Hurghada Egypt in 1996 for a week! Is it fair that I have spinal issues and can't dive anymore or ski the expert slopes or play guitar because of disabilities acquired living a full life? Nope, because I didn't sit around in dark rooms all my life being incoherent, laughing hysterically at nothing, and thinking that was fun , especially the next morning.
What does your newly sober economy want to pick first? Too bad your drunk friends cannot focus long enough, or spare the money from drinking, to actually do something. That is just not fair either, or is it? Immediate gratification? Can't focus o anything for weeks at a time? you will be able to if you stay sober for a two year period and see counselors to learn life coping skills or get it free from AA.
You see, we all have been there. We aren't normies that just don't understand. I do understand that if you continue to consider yourself deprived of something by not drinking alcohol just tell me what it is you can do drinking that you can't do better sober, and experience better.
Life doesn't get better, we do.
But life can be fun. Drinking gave us a way to solve our boredom by doing something that was not actually doing anything, except pouring money down the toilet after we processed it. And damaging the change machine in time.
You can go do something fun, or all the old nothing things. Take the money you saved and save it, then go skydiving, scuba diving, two of my favorite activities I can't do any more because of spinal issues. It took weeks of training to get PADI certified and we did our open water off Hurghada Egypt in 1996 for a week! Is it fair that I have spinal issues and can't dive anymore or ski the expert slopes or play guitar because of disabilities acquired living a full life? Nope, because I didn't sit around in dark rooms all my life being incoherent, laughing hysterically at nothing, and thinking that was fun , especially the next morning.
What does your newly sober economy want to pick first? Too bad your drunk friends cannot focus long enough, or spare the money from drinking, to actually do something. That is just not fair either, or is it? Immediate gratification? Can't focus o anything for weeks at a time? you will be able to if you stay sober for a two year period and see counselors to learn life coping skills or get it free from AA.
You see, we all have been there. We aren't normies that just don't understand. I do understand that if you continue to consider yourself deprived of something by not drinking alcohol just tell me what it is you can do drinking that you can't do better sober, and experience better.
Life doesn't get better, we do.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
I think you may want to get honest about whether you want to quit drinking.
It's no fun having one foot in recovery and one in the old drinking lifestyle.
I certainly missed my old drinking pals and the night life when I got sober, but I became willing to sacrifice whatever it took to get and stay sober.
The payback has dwarfed whatever I had to give up to get sober.
The choice is yours, but you need to make a decision.
For me, the answer to my alcoholism dilemma has been God and AA.
I haven't had a drink since the first time I walked into an AA meeting.
As an aside, our sobriety is gauged on the last time we drank, not the first time we tried to get sober.
I suspect you know that, though.
I hope you get and stay sober and stick around.
It's no fun having one foot in recovery and one in the old drinking lifestyle.
I certainly missed my old drinking pals and the night life when I got sober, but I became willing to sacrifice whatever it took to get and stay sober.
The payback has dwarfed whatever I had to give up to get sober.
The choice is yours, but you need to make a decision.
For me, the answer to my alcoholism dilemma has been God and AA.
I haven't had a drink since the first time I walked into an AA meeting.
As an aside, our sobriety is gauged on the last time we drank, not the first time we tried to get sober.
I suspect you know that, though.
I hope you get and stay sober and stick around.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Originally Posted by SoberCAH
As an aside, our sobriety is gauged on the last time we drank, not the first time we tried to get sober.
I suspect you know that, though.
I suspect you know that, though.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by 2ndhandrose
Welcome SugarPlumBunny 
Many years ago, I had 6 years of sobriety under my belt and then I relapsed for the next 22 years. I am now 57 years old and recommitted to my sobriety for 1 year 4 months and counting.
What is different this time around is my commitment to recovery, not just to not drinking because I "can't". I have become my own hobby; discovering what makes me tick, what makes me happy, who I am, what hasn't worked in the past and finding new ways of thinking and looking at life.
I hope you stick around, soak up the amazing wisdom to be found here at SR and find your way to happily embrace your sober recovery.
Many years ago, I had 6 years of sobriety under my belt and then I relapsed for the next 22 years. I am now 57 years old and recommitted to my sobriety for 1 year 4 months and counting.
What is different this time around is my commitment to recovery, not just to not drinking because I "can't". I have become my own hobby; discovering what makes me tick, what makes me happy, who I am, what hasn't worked in the past and finding new ways of thinking and looking at life.
I hope you stick around, soak up the amazing wisdom to be found here at SR and find your way to happily embrace your sober recovery.
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