When you just shake your head at past antics and insanity
 

I erased what I wrote.

Anything we can help with tonight cocopuff?

I erased what I wrote. Some points I realized why I'm just done with all the drinking tonight:

- not keeping proper hygiene
- not taking care of self
- acting crazy
- harassing people drunk on the telephone and by text
- insane cycle of drinking
- wasting time and money in bars
- eating a horrible diet of crap
- nursing hangovers for hours on a daily basis
- people calling police or threatening to call police
- being sloppy and not caring about anything
- throwing up almost daily
- throwing up in public toilets
- embarrassing and humiliating myself
- spending more on liquor then anything else
- heading to the bar to kill my hangover
- brain fog
- reeking of booze
- people taking advantage of you when drunk
- incoherent
- black outs
- waking up parched
- not moving for hours until hangover is gone
- living on gaviscon, tums and advil everyday

the list goes on and on..
Just coming to realization here after 6 years of this lifestyle of craziness.
Thank God I had a moment of clarity and knew it was time to stop again. I just spin out of control every single time. 6 years of this daily/nightly drinking. Seems like I need a new hobby. SMH.

That's a pretty comprehensive list, I'm glad you've decided to make a change. Do you have any ideas on a plan for sobriety?

I can relate to most of those myself. Glad you're deciding you can put an end to all that.

I was everything on that list except the Black out part! Insanity is exactly what it is.. It's also Russian roulette, get some help while you still can! Wishing you the best...

:hug: Life doesn't have to be that way anymore.

When everything feels really bleak ... remember you're still here. Point your toes in a different direction and take some small steps forward. As long as you have life you have a second chance at figuring out a better way.

My list would entail my list of horrors and people I'm lucky I didn't kill.

Count your blessings hun. Keep them close to your heart and fins a new way. :hug:

Yep. I remember that stuff. And more. Ghastly.

Things can change, and if you can make a plan, and stay sobriety they will change, and when you have some recovery, and have built some confidence in using your sobriety plan, then you will be able to start cleaning away the wreckage of your past.

At the moment all this probably seems quite impossible. I remember thinking (for a long time) that I needed everything sorted out SO I could get sober. It was when I finally conceded that I needed to get sober so that I could, do THEN get everything sorted out that I started making some progress.

Why not make a start today. Look up the AA and SMART and whatever other facilities are available to you in your area. Maybe call the helplines for them and chat to them and find out more. There is a great link on here for making sobriety plans, which I'd suggest reading and starting tk make a plan if you haven't already done so.

My top tips would be to take one day at a time (look after tomorrow when it comes) and avoid the HALT triggers. These are Hunger-Anger-Lonely-Tired. My plan actually started with a list of what I would do to (a) avoiding those things, and (b) What to do if I actually WAS any of those things. Also, keep reading and posting in here. Stay close and immerse yourself in sobriety.

Yuuuup, that list sounds familiar.....
Do whatever you can to break the cycle xo
You and everyone else here is worth more than that

Exactly. This is Bang on.

HALT is definitely a trigger. First time I have heard this expression it is very accurate.