Gdgirl1972

Any other alcoholic moms out there? I'm trying so so hard to quit but the withdrawals make it so that I need a shot or two in the morning so that I can care for my son without being sick. I know I'm a horrible person and just can't kick this. I'm only sober during pregnancy which I may be in the next two weeks. I'm just looking for support or other stories.

least

My kids were in high school when I was drinking. I finally got sober for good when I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. It's been over six years now and I've never been happier.

zjw

you have to be careful not to beat yourself up over this. The one thing you will hear about this is we are powerless over alcohol. I take this to mean that to some degree I'm out of control and not much I can do about it. My desperate fight to be in control is what leads to the shame and guilt etc.. and then causes me to drink again and so on.

For me this control battle bleeds into all areas of life making me feel like garbage.

Accepting your powerless over alcohol is a good start. I kinda had to shrug and say yeah nothing i can do I'm friggen powerless over this. I just gotta push through this and stay sober. It got easier in time. And as time went On i started to accept that I was not in control of many things in life and that was ok. Life started to get easier.

But dont shame yourself that can quickly lead to another drink. we've all been there and done terrible things. The only way to get away from there is to put down the drink.

JD

Does your son have a father in the picture that could care for him the first two or three mornings? That should get you thru the worst of the nausea. Also, if you haven't already, it would be good to talk to your doctor and let him/her know what's going on.

grizzlybearblue

Alcoholic mom here. You are not a horrible person! Neither am I. I quit about a month before my son turned 12, and I feel bad about what he's seen me go through as a drug addict/alcoholic, but I can't take it back. I can and am doing better going forward though. It's not too late to turn this train around and have many great years ahead with your kiddo. Now that I know better, it is my responsibility to do better.

Soberwolf

Welcome I'm glad you have found us

Making a day 1 and sticking to a plan/programme is really vital

Are you going to try meetings

ScottFromWI

Welcome GD girl. If you can be sober when you are pregnant, that means you can be sober when you aren't too, right? If you are to the point of needing to drink shots in the morning just to stave off withdrawals, you should really consider seeing a doctor and getting honest about the problem before you quit completely. Withdrawals usually get progressively worse each time we quit, so it's better to be safe than sorry.

I'd also recommend looking at some kind of formal sobriety plan/program to follow once you've quit. Meetings, counseling, rehab, even SR can be part of a healthy sobriety plan.

Gdgirl1972

Thanks all- I have my quit date as this Sunday. My husband is also an alcoholic but because he is functioning, he thinks he's better than me. He has hidden all my alcohol and I am going through serious withdrawals. I'm caring for my 20 month old son and am doing okay but I feel just awful as well as judged by him when he is no better than me. It's altogether a horrible combo. I've quit drinking about 5 times and detoxed with Ativan through my doctor all of those times. I am just to embarassed to do it again. I have had a seizure once (before my son was born) when quitting. I'm just not sure how to taper myself when I now have nothing. My husband won't give me anymore and is basically threatening me if I drink again.

Cista

GD previous seizure history is serious especially during alcohol w/d. Please see your Dr and dont let shame get in your way. Your life is too precious. All the best.

Gdgirl1972

I know it is bad- the "kindling" effect. Is there any way to do this on my own with alcohol? I already have alcoholism on my charts and just can't face my doctor again.

Cista

Do you have an alcohol and/or drug service you can access?

Gdgirl1972

I cannot because I am (ironically) a substance abuse social worker. It would
Blacklist me from any jobs to seek help at local facilities.

ScottFromWI

Then you should know very well that there's really no "safe" way to do this on your own, especially if you've had seizures in the past. Being ashamed and asking your doctor for help again is lot better than ending up in the ER or even worse.

Gdgirl1972

I have about 5 milligrams of Xanax. Is this enough to detox with?

Cista

I also worked in aod for a few years during my active doc (codeine) yrs and know what you mean. The irony is not lost on me. I had to go it alone a few times also. But my doc is hard to w/d from but not as risky as alcohol. I wish you a safe and successful w/d. Please keep us posted for support if needed.

ScottFromWI

We cannot give medical advice here, please see or ask your doctor about taking any drugs.

Gdgirl1972

I really appreciate everyone's advice and support. It makes me feel better to know I'm not alone in this struggle. I'm going to try starting tomorrow to take 1mg of Xanax to stave off shakes until I'm weaned. I found my alcohol and am taking 1 shot per hour to feel normal.

Gdgirl1972

I only say this because I've used Xanax and other benzos in the past to help withdrawals with good success.

ScottFromWI

You've also had seizures. Again, we cannot condone or recommend any drug use or drinking/tapering plans. You are of course free to make your own decisions but please don't take any responses as approval of your methods. You are potentially putting yourself and your young family at serious risk.

Gdgirl1972

I understand. Maybe I should just go it alone again. I know I'm a bad person and doing bad things and it hurts to even think about it. Thanks for all the support guys.