Feel like I'm grieving

Old 04-13-2016, 02:53 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 392
Feel like I'm grieving

So I can never again have a beer on a sunny day, a cocktail while on holiday or a glass of champagne to celebrate someone's success? Ever?

I feel like crying. Is my brain really so affected that I can never enjoy alcohol in moderation again? Can't the damage be undone somehow?

Why am I grieving for something which causes me pain? Why am I thinking of the times it was fun, even if that was only as recent as a couple of years ago.
noneever is offline  
Old 04-13-2016, 03:04 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Marchia in Aeternum
trachemys's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 10,894
Compare those brief moments with the bad times brought by alcohol.
trachemys is offline  
Old 04-13-2016, 03:05 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
OldTomato's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: England
Posts: 2,675
Like you said, why would you want that beer in the summer and celebratory cocktail if alcohol has caused you so much pain? Try to focus on your reasons for quitting and the way alcohol affected your life. If not picking up one drink is what it takes to lead a happy, sober life then I think it's a small price to pay!

I find it helpful to go to meetings and read newcomers' posts here at SR. When I speak to someone who's struggling those rose tinted spectacles come straight off.
OldTomato is offline  
Old 04-13-2016, 03:06 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Dee74's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 205,677
I grieved too. My relationship with alcohol was the longest relationship of my life.

But some relationships, even some love affairs, are abusive and toxic.

Your addiction wants you to think life without alcohol will be torture...but it's not - none of us would be here if it was

I've never known happiness like I have since I've been sober - and I rediscovered a me I didn't even know I'd lost

It's pretty sweet - honestly - and all I had to do was give up drinking

I hope you decide to take that leap of faith and give recovery a try.

I've raved on enough...I'm gonna leave you alone now...

Dee74 is offline  
Old 04-13-2016, 03:24 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 392
Dee- please don't leave me alone. I'm so scared and convinced I can't do this, that I don't even have to because 'I'm not that bad'. But i know, I KNOW that if i don't, I'm going to end up in jail and/or killing or seriously injuring someone else or myself. I am very, very scared that I can't do this.
noneever is offline  
Old 04-13-2016, 03:28 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Dee74's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 205,677
Text can be limiting, sometimes - I'm sorry.
I didn't mean I was going away for good or giving up on you

Just don't want you to feel nagged at

I, and everyone else here, want to see you succeed noneever

Dee74 is offline  
Old 04-13-2016, 03:47 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
A Day at a Time
MIRecovery's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
None of us has to quit drinking for ever. We just have to be sober today.
MIRecovery is offline  
Old 04-13-2016, 03:50 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Reality...what a concept!
Vinificent's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: CT, USA
Posts: 1,232
None - thank you - I have been feeling that way myself and helps to know others do too. However, it does get a little better every time I manage to get through one of those "special" times where I would have had a drink but don' building sober muscles. And according to the veterans here, eventually it won't bother us at all.
Vinificent is offline  
Old 04-13-2016, 03:56 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
least's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 97,573
I felt I would be missing something too if I didn't drink. But I found a life so much better without drinking. I stopped missing it when I was about six months sober. I just didn't want it anymore. I am very happy in my sober life. I was not happy when I was drinking. I don't regret getting sober.
least is offline  
Old 04-13-2016, 04:25 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Grieving for the lose of alcohol is pretty normal I think. But look at it as not ever being able to drink again but being free from all the hurt and harm it does. The grieving feeling really does pass and the feeling of missing out on something really does go away. Focus on just not drinking today. After a few todays you'll see.
JD is offline  
Old 04-13-2016, 05:04 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 392
I'm ashamed that I wasted today by drinking. I just don't know who I am anymore or why I'm doing this. Even as I drink there's a voice inside me asking 'why?'
noneever is offline  
Old 04-13-2016, 05:16 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,225
thinking forever is entirely too large of a scope for me it really made me wanna drink all the more thinking of it like that. 1 day at a time was much more easier to handle. In time forever seemed mroe realistic.

But even 1 day at a time i grieved. felt like my best friend had died or i had lost my left arm or something it was terrible .But booze was also the worst friend i ever had too cause me dos much trouble and pain so i couldnt understand why i was so upset that i was missing out and such. Missing out on what? hangovers and problems etc...? sure i wont lie as i got drunk there where good times but it always always always led to trouble. I always got screwed.

But yeah I know that grief feeling pretty well it passes.

if your drinking now hey fine tommorows a new day just dust yourself off and get back on the sober wagon as soon as you can.
zjw is offline  
Old 04-13-2016, 05:29 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Abroad
Posts: 1,865
I empathize with you, I felt the exact same way when I realized I could never have a drink ever again. It is grief, we have lost something. Alcohol has served a purpose for us, we drank to forget, to feel alive, to feel numb, we drank for so many reasons, but in the end, it is the very thing that does the most damage to us.

So grieve your loss, and then lift your head and move on. Your life will improve immensely. I promise. If you need someone to talk to, you can PM me anytime.
Fabela is offline  
Old 04-13-2016, 05:59 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
leviathan's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
It's OK to grieve. It may even be healthy. I think it's important to be honest what we are grieving, though.

When I was honest with myself, I was grieving the image of perfecting celebratory moments with a pretty drink. I was grieving that initial feeling of euphoria that occurs for me at drink two, and now turns into crap in less than an hour. I was also grieving the "excitement" that came with knowing a carefree night could end up any kind of way: fight with spouse, close call, lost wallet, sick call to work, or weird bruises.

The real grieving should be about the decade that slipped by me in a flash, leaving me (seemingly suddenly) in middle age to pick up the pieces. Compared to this, getting upset about not having alcohol in my beverage (I still have beverages!) seems a little ridiculous.

When I occasionally feel like grieving I observe a normal drinker having a good time and remind myself that even if they live to be 110, my drink-count still wins! Yay!
leviathan is offline  
Old 04-13-2016, 06:21 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
You're romanticizing alcohol. Remember what it is. A powerful neurotoxin. A depressant. A kind of poison. Your liver completely stops performing its primary functions of bile production and metabolizing fats and carbs. It moves into oxidation mode, depleting your body of thiamine, to remove the alcohol as quickly as possible. Kinda scary really. And, its a beverage, period.

Romanticize the beautiful summer day, not the beer. Romanticize the people you connect with, not the alcohol you drank while doing it. Think about the function, the party, the concert, the vacation, not all the drinking that ruined those things.
entropy1964 is offline  
Old 04-13-2016, 06:22 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
GnikNus's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Somewhere in California
Posts: 1,134
I had thoughts like those in early sobriety. At this point, not only do I not miss alcohol, but I love NOT drinking because it gives me so many things in life that I wouldn't have if I were drinking. If you give it time, those romanticized feelings of alcohol will pass.

If I'm somewhere on a beautiful day and I see people having a drink, my immediate thought these days is "wow, if I had some of that it would totally ruin this perfectly good day." I look at it as a poison that wouldn't allow me to get maximum enjoyment out of life. So, I feel the opposite of the way I felt in early sobriety- the way you do now.
GnikNus is offline  
Old 04-13-2016, 06:34 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Hawkeye13's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 10,655
I had to think six months, a year, etc.

The grief is pretty normal for many of us.
Now, I feel no sense of loss whatsoever but instead a sense of relief
I don't have to worry about alcohol ruining my life any longer.

It is liberating to be free of it at this stage for me now--it took time to feel this way,
so be patient and acknowledge your feelings through the process.
Hawkeye13 is offline  
Old 04-13-2016, 06:39 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
JimmyJam's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Hill Country, Texas
Posts: 228
Sometimes sobriety seems like "punishment" for being sober because we can't have an occasional drink. It's actually a gift that keeps giving. Try to focus on the latter. Hope this helps.
JimmyJam is offline  
Old 04-13-2016, 07:42 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Self recovered Self discovered
freshstart57's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
We get to pick how we look at this, noneever. You could do as you are doing and decide that sobriety is something to be endured and something to be grieved. But as you can see, forced deprivation is not something that most of us deal with very happily. It is our nature to whine and complain, to be resentful and miserable when we are forced to change our behaviour by an outside force. Sooner or later the time comes when we rebel against that outside force, and in this case, we get drunk.

On the other hand, you could look at this completely differently, and decide this is a choice that you are making. This is not an outside force you are responding to, this is a personal thing you are doing for yourself. You are choosing to not feel the shame, anxiety, regret, sickness, nausea, despair, depression and pain of drinking alcohol. You are choosing to end it, because this is the right thing for you to do. You are choosing to stop killing yourself and choosing to start feeling and living again.

We get to pick how we look at this. It's up to us, completely within our control. Why not make it as easy as possible for you, and consider a different point of view?
freshstart57 is offline  
Old 04-13-2016, 07:52 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
yinzer's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 780
Like Dee, my relationship with alcohol was the longest I ever had. I have gone through the same feelings as you. But funny thing, I have had some of those moments where it seemed I HAD to have first balloon ride with champagne toast, a birthday, an afternoon on a patio with friends. I declined and had juice or pop and guess what? I still have the most fabulous memories and they are even better because I didn't drink. And my liver and heart are so much happier more liver pains, no more heart arrythmia, no more shame.
yinzer is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:56 AM.