courage2

I'm at an event I attend yearly & is a big big trigger. Although the last couple of years have been an improvement over wild binging, they've been kind of "well, at least I didn't drink." This year, I'm playing it super-straight. The only -ism I'm putting on display (to my knowledge) is I bought a pack of cigarettes for the long weekend. I've been sharp and smiling.

Then yesterday 5 p.m. I was supposed to be attending a slightly ridiculous wine reception w/a lot of people I don't like much, and ran into a very nice, very influential, and very friendly fellow I've been trying to meet up with here, business-wise. But I'm quite aware that he's one of a small group of people I regret never drinking with. Do you know what I mean? He drinks properly. I've seen him discreetly, in a public place where everyone else was nursing a chablis, knock back 3 double vodka rocks and not show a sign.

As you can tell from my story... it was classic sandbagging by alcoholism. He says, do you have time for a drink before you go? And I, very definitely not having time for anything, and telling myself I'd have a tonic, said yes. And we go to the bar.... well to my credit I gave the whole thing about 60 seconds. Before he'd even found us seats, I bugged out & went to my more-interesting-than-I-thought-it-would-be reception & drank water, etc. etc. I'm meeting the fellow for coffee this a.m.

But wow -- if I'd sat down, would I still be sober today? I don't think so.

Stay a little bit frosty in your sobriety. People, places, and things.

Fly N Buy

Doing for us what we cannot so for ourselves , perhaps.
Glad you're amongst the undrunk still. Wouldn't be the same at our little gig without ya........

ScottFromWI

Glad you made it through Courage. Can I ask why you even made plans to attend a drinking event that was mostly full of people you don't like in the first place? Seems like the close call could have been avoided completely, no?

courage2

Like many of us, professionally it's necessary for me to go to a certain number of events where colleagues, not all of whom I know or like, are present, many of them drinking. Attending the wine reception was a non-problem and it was the right thing for me to gdo, without a doubt -- going to those kind of supports my sobriety in a way because the drinking there looks so god-awful LOL.

Part of the trigger near the bar was the perfect opportunity to ditch the wine thing. And do something else.

This little incident started and stopped within at most a 10 minute interval. But it could have gone the other direction.

I'm sure other people with a year or more sober has had similar, survivable but surprisingly close calls -- anyone want to tell their story?

Altoids

If I were still working in my profession, I would be in this situation often. The closest I get now-a-days is social reception type things. One of the things I had to learn in recovery was that i couldn't "play the role" of each of my different facades that I had been. I was like the best blender. I could blend into the person I thought I was supposed to be easily in any situation, but never authentically me anywhere.

But, holy cow. . . when you described the situation, I knew exactly the how's and who's it would have been for me. LOL! YEP! That could have so easily gone the other way if it weren't for your awareness. Thankfully you have enough time and have read enough "Day 1 AGAIN" stories to have that moment of clarity.

Thanks for sharing. I'd have coffee with you anytime.

Soberwolf

Hey courage this is what I saw in your post I love you as a friend please don't think I'm going at you but there was one thing that would of solved this entirely

You know that coffee your going for in the am ? you could have arranged that all along

I've been deciding do I post this or not for 30 mins now because I don't want to upset you or lose your friendship

please know I'm saying this as a friend

thomas11

I know a handful of people too that can drink enormous amounts of alcohol and show no signs. Leaves me scratching my head quite often. Glad you made it. I know a lot of business deals are closed in the evening over drinks, but I was always a morning over coffee guy if I could get away with it.

SoberLeigh

Enjoy your coffee with pride, dear Courage.

Love,

Leigh

RDBplus3

Thanks for the post Courage.

I travel frequently with other guys from a const management office and they all drink (not alcoholically). We were given the opportunity from a subcontractor to go with a larger group to the Daytona 500 and get pit passes. I'm not a NASCSAR kind of guy, but it was an intriguing offer, and for my business position it was also important for me to be a part of the group doing this together. It went well - most of the guys had to 'push themselves' to do the 'guy thing' of drinking enough to convince themselves they were 'having enough fun'. A couple of the plumbers exhibited what appeared to me to be 'alcoholic behavior', but nothing affected me as a danger 'trigger' to want to drink. I did take a cab back from the 'dive bar' to the hotel about 1:30 in the morning because I was done ' having enough fun' for the night.

Fast forward a couple weeks - I was on the way home from my Home Group meeting, doing fine, and the thought crossed my mind that my wife and daughter would be out of town for the weekend, and I could actually drink 'like I used to'. The INSANITY - I almost continued on with the 'automatic thought process' of which liquor store I could go to where I would most likely not be seen. INSANITY.

I called my sponsor, and a couple friends in ACTIVE Sobriety, and it passed.

What comes to mind are 2 things from the AA Big Book. What we have is a daily reprieve based on the maintenance of our Spiritual Condition -and - We can go anywhere if we have an honest motive and we are in fit Spiritual Condition - which for me is dependent on DISCERNMENT, and recognizing when to GET THE HELL OUT as you described in your post Courage.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE

courage2

Absolutely no offense taken, sw -- thanks for being in my corner. In fact I'd tried to connect for coffee w/this guy multiple times during this mega-conference which is a zoo. It wasn't working & then I just ran into him during a little down time at what happened to be his cocktail hour. Totally unplanned. And he didn't make the morning coffee date (hungover a little LOL?) so I did something else which turned out to be really interesting. A year ago I'd be dwelling on this for ages. My resilience from sudden upsets has grown considerably

Thanks & great post!

Let's have some more stories of successful get-aways!!!

FBL

Not exactly a "get away", but I did have a drinking thought flash thru my brain the other day. They come so rarely, that I was kind of taken aback. Perhaps I'm making too much of it as it went just as quickly as it came. Just goes to show that even after nearly seven years sober, those thoughts can and do pop-up from time to time.

Vinificent

Recently had a successfully sober vacation, and really noticed the difference in what I remembered and the fact that my laundry didn't stink of spilled booze or worse 😂

I was with the same ppl I usually travel with and they drank as they usually do...I stuck to my plan of always having a soft drink that I like available. For me that means carrying around a bottle of Diet Coke. Yeah yeah I know it should be water but at least it's not the nips of vodka that I used to travel with.

Did I wish I could have a drink? Yes
Could I have had a drink? Of course - it's legal and I am of legal drinking age.
Did I drink alcohol? No...I made the choice to be sober - for myself.

Congratulations on a tough situation handled well 👍

PS: In my drinking days I would not accept an AM coffee meeting either, so it's probably not you he has a problem with.

Soberpotamus

I posted just yesterday about a surprising moment for me at work a few days ago. A co-worker suggested (in jest, but still...) picking up a bottle of gin. Yikes. Yeah. Although I was a wine drinker and hard liquor wasn't my go-to, it still hit with a hard thud in my brain when it happened. Gave me a moment to 'pause' but the old lizard brain was activated, certainly.

Glad you chose wisely, C.

courage2

This conference, especially because of its yearly nature and former binge associations, is growing to be a "sober reference" for me. I've attended 4 years in a row now without drinking, getting a little better at it all the time.

Is the topic of the sober reference already talked out on SR? I don't see a lot of posts on it. It's kind of an interesting concept, if people want to talk about it.

sleepie

Great post courage and good advice "Stay a little bit frosty"...! I am impressed you took a total U-Turn with that situation. I totally know what you mean by "missing out" on drinking with someone... those kinds of people and situations fueled some of my own delays at getting sober... I think you dodged a bullet and ought be be damn proud, this is just the kind of thing one must pay attention to!

kittycat3

I'm so glad you escaped and didn't drink!
I've had a few experiences, not any that I recall so vividly, but where I have thought later, had that person asked me to have a drink I would have accepted....we must always be vigilant!

kittycat3

A sober reference being something you have done before sober?
That's great for me, it is hard to do anything sober for the first time (this is after years of relapsing, I again have a bunch of "firsts" ahead of me.) Good on you to keep adding sober notches to your belt!

Mark1014

I guess I don't venture about enough in my reading here on SR......I've never heard the term sober reference. Does it mean getting through a situation that historically involved drinking? Showing yourself it is doable.

Lenina

I am surprised so many companies still have these drunk-fests.

courage, I know exactly! Two years ago I had to go to a mandatory week long business meeting. Part of the festivities were a wine tasting, canapé sampling. Very fancy. We arrived to assigned tables, preset! I told my table mates I didn't drink....who wants mine? I swear there was a clamor! The presentation took about fours and I was bored to tears. As soon as I thought it safe, I slowly exited the banquet hall. I did get cornered by one of the hosts who noticed I didn't drink and was "escaping". We had a chat about over-indulgence and enabling.

I hope business events will be less alcohol soaked. I carried around my sippy cup the whole time. It's what I have to do. Putting alcohol in my mouth might as well be putting a loaded gun there! But more painful, more messy and more prolonged.

I have another one to attend this summer. I'm annoyed as hell about it already.

Good job, (((((bunny))))) I'm proud of you and my admiration with respect is huge!

Love from the crazy ass Lenina

courage2

Hi Mark --
I first heard "sober reference" when my mom died. I had 80 days at the time, and someone told me that later on, her funeral would be a sober reference. I'd be able to look back and say, well that was pretty bad, and I didn't drink.

You'd think a conference shouldn't be difficult. But it is, for me And so going through it successfully without drinking is something I can reflect on and say, I'm making progress.

Here's a thing -- from Don't Drink And Go To Meetings: My Journey To Recovery by Dan F.