Berrybean

I think the bar is a bad idea. Look at how much of a state you got in because one random woman on the bus directed her resting bitch face at you! We need to do all we can to strengthen those little roots and tendrils of sobriety in the early days. I def agree that we should always wait til it stands some hope of surviving before you start testing it by going into drinking environments.

BlackoutFear

Guys, i did it, i didn't drink yesterday! It was the first time that i went to a nightclub and didn't drink, it was boring as hell, i was suposed to come back home at 5:00 am, but the place and people was so boring that i got home at 3:00 am. I guess i went to nightclubs and parties in the past just to drink, i never liked loud music, hot and crowded places. Maybe i'm boring, idk...
I should stay home playing video games in the next weekend, ofc.

Berrybean

No need to stay home. Just try to rethink things a little. If you're anything like me, there will have been hobbies and interests that went by the wayside when they were pushed aside to make room for drinking and clubbing etc. Same with good friends who weren't into that lifestyle. This is a chance to get reacquainted with some of those activities and people.
Chances are that these things may well not require you to be out til 5am, but hey, I love sleeping so that's another added bonus as far as I can tell (for me personally anyhow ).

PS it's not you that's boring, it's clubbing that is and was boring. You were just more easily fooled by the image of it when you were drinking. Time for some more interesting pursuits.

PPS I'm SO pleased you didn't drink. Well done.

BlackoutFear

I don't know what should i do about my live. Its just getting worse, today i didn't go to work, i didn't eat since yesterday i'm just drinking energy drinks and smoking, i can't remove the idea that i'm a monster and did something really bad to someone in my last blackout, i'm paranoid that the police will kick down my door and arrest me.

ScottFromWI

I'd suggest calling a counselor or a therapist, or your doctor to get a referral. Paranoia/anxiety is a treatable condition.

BlackoutFear

Scott, the main problem is that my family don't take me serious, they think that i'm just a lazy person and they think that i'm creating this whole situation just to stay in home doing nothing.

ScottFromWI

When it comes to seeking help for your problem, it doesn't really matter what they think to be quite frank. Paranoia and anxiety is a very real problem and it's more common than you'd think. Assuming you are an adult you have the power to call and make an appointment for yourself.

BlackoutFear

I totally agree with you scott, but therapy is expensive and i would need financial help from them.

ScottFromWI

Many counselors offer sliding fee structures. I also suffer from anxiety and I see a counselor about 2x per month. My insurance pays for some of it, but honestly even if I had to pay the full bill it's a lot less money than I was spending on alcohol when I was still drinking.

There are lots of self-help methods that can be used for anxiety/depression/etc, but seeing a professional to help you choose which ones to use is very helpful.

Dave42001

Don't drink anymore energy drinks and drink water with lemon or lime.. Massive amounts of caffeine will make things worst..

Have you tried the medication the doctor gave you? Sorry you're having a hard time!

BlackoutFear

No, i didn't yet. Actually i'm very scared about possible side effects of meds.

BlackoutFear

Guys, i don't know what i should do, today my urge to drink was very heavy, my mind was trying to convince me that if i drink my anxiety will go away and if i drink home or just drink 2 or 3 beers instead 15 i would not any problem.

I really don't want to start drinking again, but i feel so weak, and also i really don't think that i'm an alcoholic i'm only 18yo but since i started drinking i have a type of compulsion, i remember that some days my urge to alcohol wasn't go away untill i drink a shot of vodka. The same with my cigarette addiction, i'm a pack a day smoker and when i used to drink i could easily smoke 5 or more cigarettes in a row.
My grandfather's brother was an functioning alcoholic, but my uncles and my father aren't alcoholics.

What should i do? Today i went to the market to buy a beer but thanks god i didn't.

Dee74

Have you thought about AA or some other recovery group Blackoutfear?

D

Berrybean

Is it just your age that is convincing you that you can't be an alcoholic? Why do you think you have this compulsion to drink? What happens if you try to only 'have a few'? Where do you see things going if you took a drink today, after the initial reeling of relief and calm?

You know. Recovery is all about finding different ways of being peaceful and calm. If I look back the signs were there for me at 18. I had real trouble finding my off switch from even earlier than that to be honest.

There are some great resources for young people and teenagers available from AA. Might be worth looking some of them up.

shauninspain

I knew a lot of people in their late teens/early 20's who were AA members. The disease is with us from our conception, or so I believe. If only I had seen the warning signs at your age I could have saved myself and others so much misery. A meeting or two would provide you with a heck of a lot of insight into the illness. I also found that by having a meeting to go to in the evening it gave me something to focus on, and at times it was only that which kept me sober. I even went to meetings that I didn't particularly like (if no others were possible), simply to give me a reason to stay away from the first drink.

Have you got a copy of the AA literature, known as the 'Big Book'? There are online sites where you can download it from. I would read the first 5 chapters. Again, not only will you learn something, but it will focus your brain. I know my brain needed a focus in the early days, or else it would always return to the subject of drinking.

When you have a craving, do something, do ANYTHING! Don't sit with he thoughts and don't give them the satisfaction of putting you in the situation where you pick up that 1st drink.

You'll get through this. Keep posting and reading. But yes, get a copy of the BB.

BlackoutFear

Thanks for your reply people! It's helping me a lot.
Beccy, 4 months ago i tried to stop drinking, i couldn't, 10 days later i convinced myself that if i just drink beer i wouldn't have problems... yes, i fooled myself, after 2 weeks i was drinking vodka again.
When i start to drink i don't stop, i used to drink with empty stomatch just to get drunk easily, i manipulated people in nightclubs just to get extra drinks, i drank in the cinema watching a movie twice, i drank in the shopping mall, have weekends when i was unemployed that i started drinking at friday morning and only stopped in saturday morning, almost 24 hours drinking.
My mother always hated the fact that i drink and she is giving me a lot of support now to stay sober, also no one in my mother's side drink, also i guess i didn't broke my sobriety untill because my mother, i don't want to make her miserable.

Shaun, i'm considering going to an AA, but i'm little scared yet about that.
I going to download the BB, i'm using video games to distract my mind, but it doesn't working a lot.

BlackoutFear

Today i almost drank, i bought a bottle in the morning but when i opened the bottle a regret my decision, also i noticied that the vodka was fake. Thank god i didn't drank.

Soberadvice

Hi, I still have a problem with anxiety after 4 months since my last blackout and the last time I drunk. I keep thinking the exact same as the original post, like what if I killed someone? I’m really anxious and taking medication for it atm, but I just don’t know whether I have anxiety or if i did actually do something really bad that night, I’m looking for some advice from anyone who is still struggling with it this long after an incident

Dee74

Hi and welcome soberadvice

I think common sense is a good tool. I think, had anything bad happened, you would have had a visit from the constabulary by now

Of course common sense and logic doesn't do much for the anxiety fear and guilt - but that passes in time.

There are nights events and people I can't recall, even decades later.
Its just one of those things I have to live with - but 'living right' now helps

I found support really helps too. You're not alone & we get it

I'm glad you found us.

SoberCAH

Your fears are well-taken with us.

Anxiety over what I did during blackouts was a huge fear factor with me until I got sober.

Through credit card entries, I was able to piece together some of what I had done the following month when my statement arrived (beer store - check; liquor store - check; strip joint - check).

For others, though, I was able to obtain some immediate relief based on the fact that, upon "next morning inspection", there were no dents, blood, hair, etc. on my car.

I sure don't miss having to wonder what I did either while I was drunk, during blackouts or even when I was not drinking (because my overall judgment was lousy even if I hadn't been drinking).