sleepie

Obladi

Fabela

Soberwolf

Obladi

You know, Dorothy was actually sent on tons of adventures after her first visit to Oz. Hers was not a cinematic tale easily wrapped up in ninety minutes. Not in real life, which was fiction.

Maybe I'll have more to say on that when I get back to actually using a key board to post...

Soberwolf

Spk soon O x

Obladi

Okey dokey, I'm out of bed and at a keyboard. Which will hopefully make me more coherent and will surely add to my verbosity.

Physically, my home is not in a shambles, but it will take the entire day (while on conference calls) to get the place back to an approximation of the state it was in before I left. Sort of *shrug - I'm lucky to be able to work from home* and sort of *aaaargh - couldn't you at least have done a load of towels so I can take a shower*?

Had a panic attack of the *profuse sweating variety* when I was on the way to the airport - it lasted until I got on the plane. Which was a relief (to be done with it) except for that my head was drenched and I was afraid I was smelly and there was a woman right next to me in the middle seat. I didn't ask her if I stank. Had a second attack of the *pain in the middle of the sternum variety* that woke me up at 330 this morning. I said to self, "O, that's a panic attack. Just try to relax." Getting up helped, and it passed in about a half hour.

So the funny thing is that I was all set to go to this next and last chance counselor this week - not looking forward to it, but was willing to give it a shot. And today I really really want to cancel. It's on Thursday, so I'm going to hang in there a la Cow. At least until I cancel.

I just looked it up, and to my dismay, L Frank Baum "only" wrote 14 Oz novels. As I read something like 35 when I was a kid, I feel that I was a bit duped. But thinking back, I remember the flavor changing in the midst there, so perhaps it was simply a suspension of disbelief.

Looks like Dorothy went to Oz seven times in L Frank's time. If you haven't read them, I would recommend books 2 and 3, which were then made into a movie sometime in the 70s or 80s. I think it's called Return to Oz and it's a nail biter; starts with Dorothy going for ECT because Em is worried that she went off her rocker. (She's all despondent in the greyness of Kansas and missing her Oz friends - who wouldn't be?)

So as my nephew said to me about a completely different subject last week, "What's your point?" I guess maybe my point is that we all know about yearning for something more while feeling stuck and understanding that this stuckness is, at the root, all about us and how we react to the world. Kansas was surely grey and dreary, and Dorothy was most definitely stuck because she was just a kid. But if I continue to figuratively live in Kansas and don't figure my way out of there, it's because either I can't or I won't. I don't think it's audacious at all for me to yearn for more; it's healthy. But then it's up to me to really work at it - hard. If I'm going to get to that place I yearn for, I need to do my level best to turn those old wounds into scars. And so in the end, perhaps I should give Last Chance Counselor a try.

I think that's quite enough talking for now, don't you, Wolfie?

xo
O

Obladi

That ECT bit was cinematic embellishment, but I thought it was genius and it is one of the few transgressions from the original book that I've ever approved.

Fabela

I've never seen the Wizard of Oz... is there more than one version?

Obladi

oz.wikia says:

Movies based on The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and its characters or other books by L. Frank Baum; plus related entries.

•The Wizard of Oz (1939)
•The Land of Oz (2020)
•Return to Oz (film)
•Yellow Brick Road (2016 film)
•Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return.
•Tin Man (miniseries)
•The Wiz (film)

The first is the classic - I'm not sure why Return to Oz is called "(film)," but I'm pretty sure that's the one I was speaking about.

Soberwolf

I've seen the original, then return to oz and we went to the theatre to see wicked down the West end (London)

I liked return to oz x

Obladi

Not sure how I'd feel about Wicked but may give it a try one day.

House looks good, laundry is done save for a load in the dryer,linens have been changed, and I am showered.

That's a good days work and I also worked.

nuf said for now.

Soberwolf

you are awesome x

Obladi

Loaned my vehicle to eldest while I was away and middle one stayed out, so I need to get myself to the bus. Doing ok this morning. Bit of a headache, but that's not entirely surprising because I had another panic attack last night.

Don't like those things, but all I can do is breath and try not to let them freak me out. In the bad old days, they would go on for hours because I didn't know what was happening. At least now I know...

Looks like a beautiful day for a walk, so off I go.

Fabela

Have a nice walk, Ob. By the way, I googled "romp", and that was...interesting. Not sure which translation to choose.

Obladi

Hehehe, Fab.
I'm sick but not twisted

Dropsie

Obladi,

See wicked if you can -- fabulous...

XXX

Obladi

Home again, home again, jigetty jig.

Took about 30 minutes to walk to the bus, ten minutes to wait for it, and 20 minutes to get to the train. What's an extra 45 minutes out of my day? Actually, it was an ok experience. I just had to remind myself I wasn't in a rush.

I actually took a Klonopin last night (prescribed, but I haven't taken it in months) because the anxiety was that bad. Not sure I would have slept without it. Told middle daughter I'd done this today and it didn't alarm her, so that was a good thing. I mean, I thought it was ok, but today I thought "Oh man, I'm sure to have a 'random' drug test at group tomorrow since I was out of town..." Not sure what they'll have to say about it, but I'll "disclose" during check-in.

Speaking of which, I'm going back n forth in my mind about this group thing. Wondering what value I am getting out of this as opposed to simply going to meetings. The things I can think of have to do with accountability: (1) They are expecting me to be there and call if I don't show up and (2) They drug test. The first part is fine but the second part is becoming irritating. I'm not mandated by anyone to be there and the tests are always negative. I know what I'm up to and I'm not sure why I need to be accountable to them. I guess I could count it as being accountable to the insurance company that's paying for the treatment, but that circles around to what value the insurance company is getting over something that is free. And possibly more valuable to me personally at this time. Anyhow, I'll go tomorrow and then decide. But I know part of my thing tomorrow is going to be running into people that sincerely care if I'm there. That makes it a little harder...

What do you guys think?

Soberwolf

I done group therapy voluntary although I wasn't drug tested others were though how long have/will you be attending

I finished my stint at group & havnt looked back & like you I was also doing meetings

Obladi

It was Intensive Outpatient for two months and I've been going weekly for about a month?

I like the people fine, just not crazy about the guided discussion. And don't know why my insurance should have to pay $75/week for this.

Soberwolf

What's guided discussion ?